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stawcie

When to Tell

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I’m curious to hear from widows/widowers...

when you decided to start dating again, how soon did you tell the new person you were widowed? And how soon did you tell the family of your former spouse?

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Well, since I met the guy I'm dating at my Widow/er Grief Group... there was no need to tell i was widowed. He'd heard my story countless times.

And oddly, I  can't say when I decided to start dating because it just happened. I had turned down many dates. I  was NOT interested in dating. There were several people in my grief group who helped me with work on my property. My hubby had done everything so I  was pretty helpless. After one time when this guy was helping me, we were watching a movie. He put his arm around me and kissed me.. and we are still dating. That was over a year out. And I still tell him that if he'd ASKED me out, I'd  have said no. 

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Similar situation here. I told some guys when we were still in talking phase before a first date and sometimes even on the first date. The guy I'm currently dating was on the first date. 

 

I told my FIL and wife I was venturing into dating last summer. They know about the guy I'm currently dating. My MIL and her husband don't know but I'm not that close to them because they will interfere regardless if I want it or not. They do it with everything when they see an opportunity  so why not my personal life? It's a matter of what you are comfortable with. 

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I put my status into my dating profile so, women reading my profile knew it right away.

 

I told my MIL and SILs that I was going to begin to date just before I started. They were very supportive right from the start.

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I started dating a widower after a long correspondence on the former iteration of this site.  We met in person six months later.  I didn't tell anyone outside of my best friend circle for a very long time, until I was sure it was going to be serious.  I told my parents because it was long distance and I needed childcare so that I could go see him, but I was much more delicate with my FIL, with whom I am close and whose feelings I did not want to hurt.  I did not want him ever to think that my being in a relationship would in any way push him away (and it hasn't).  In taking it slowly and deliberately, I feel like I was able to protect the people in our lives who mean the most to us.  Its worked out pretty well in that regard and I am grateful.  We've been together for nearly five years now; our correspondence started only 10 months after my husband died, when I was definitely not ready to date.  So, long winded way of saying, I never dated but if I had, I would have told people right away that I am widowed.  It is a huge part of mine and my daughter's story, a huge part of who we are.  Do what feels right for you.  Good luck!

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I made sure that people knew that I was widowed from the start. I'd rather scare them off at the beginning than later on. Once I did begin to date, I did share it with my in-laws. They were supportive.

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I went on a website so I marked my status as widowed.  As most are divorced, I figured he could handle a widow if I could handle a live ex.  And he has.  3 yrs soon! 😉.  

I am odd here.  4 yrs before I decided I wanted to recouple.  An in law told me I would remarry at 4 months out!  Told MIL at 4 months I believe.  Knew it would change things and it did.  

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With NG, I think it was the 3rd date that I mentioned being widowed when I knew we were getting serious.  I waited awhile to tell my in-laws that I was dating, after they mentioned first that I should find somebody new in my life.  

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it was in my profile and I think i always discussed it during the first date, You know when you kinda do the "so what's your story?"thing. i think I even got into it a little bit during texting before meet and greets sometimes

 

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I always told them on the 1st date I started dating about 1 year out (I am 4 years out).  I have been with NG for about 1 year now.  We live together and my in-laws are not happy.  

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I also made it clear up front I was widowed (or it was on my dating profile) as I think its important to weed out potential partners that couldn't take that, deal with single parenting (if that's the case). I started dating about a year after being widowed (prob too soon on hindsight - for me personally). I never talk about my private life to my inlaws although they saw posts on FB (only when I was in "serious" relationship - had about 3 of those since being widowed). The interesting thing is my inlaws honestly don't care I date but my MIL has serious sensitivity about a new man being around her grandson.

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I also listed my status on my dating profile as widower, so there were no surprises for anyone.  I've been pretty picky about dating, haven't dated many people the past 2.5 years.  I am really close to my inlaws, live next door to them in a small rural community.  They are awesome, will watch my daughter if I go out with friends or on a date.  They wouldn't be happy if I started bringing home a different woman every weekend with my daughter at home, but I would never do that to her (or me) anyways.

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18 months out for me and the person already knew I was a widower. In this small town my late wife's' family knew before I could tell any of them, lol. All of them were okay with it. Happy Thanksgiving hugs to all.

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I put my widowed status in my dating profile. I guess Late Husband's family knows.  They're fine people, but we're not close.  I didn't make a big deal about telling people I was dating or keeping it a secret.  It's nobody's business but my own.

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It varied, but with my boyfriend it was on my first date. He's told me many times since then that he was impressed with how I shared something so personal. I told my ILs when he and I started getting serious. I told my BIL and SIL first; I didn't know how any of them would react and so I called them and they were very positive. I told his parents in person. There have been some bumps in my relationships with them, but they were supportive. I sensed that it was a bit tougher for his dad, although we never discussed it and he passed away not too long after meeting my BF. Everybody is very supportive on both sides. I don't really see my own family too much so often doing things with "my side" means doing things with my ILs. BIL and BF are friendly. My BF was invited and went to BIL's Coast Guard retirement and to SIL's baby shower. My MIL buys Christmas and birthday gifts for his daughter. I think it must be hard for them. But I also think they felt so bad that I was raising a baby alone and was so miserable that hey are happy that I am more functional and have support. 

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