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November

Last name change

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Did any of you change your last name after your spouse died?  Or when you remarried or if you are planning to remarry or even think of remarrying someday... If you still have your LH's last name, are you or will you change it?

  

When my husband died I was asked if I was going go back to my maiden name.  I didn't and I told myself I wouldn't because I wanted it to stay the same for my kids because it is their last name too.  BUT now I don't know if I feel the same way anymore. 

 

Just wanted to see what your thoughts are.      

 

Edited by November

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I’m kept my married name and I do have kids so I do like holding onto it as well. I’ve honestly thought about it and if I were to marry NG, I’d actually hyphenate last names. But for now, I’m not going back to my maiden name. 

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I took my husbands last name, and it became who I identify as. I'm a teacher so I hear Ms _______ all day. I also like that I share the same last name as my children. I believe if I marry again  I will retain the name I have now so the name shared with my children will remain. I know I will not go back to my maiden name, to me that would imply I was trying to remove the connection I had with my husband.

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I’ve written about this elsewhere. I was always happy I took my husband’s name, love it. But I’m childless- and five years into widowhood I finally realized that this lack of a blood connection made his family not think of me as part of theirs anymore. So I’ve started considering it. But my maiden name is kinda unpronounceable and I’m probably too lazy to do the necessary footwork.

 

I’m not planning on marrying again, but if I did I would then either switch to my maiden name or take my bf’s. Keeping my late husband’s at that point would just feel weird without kids, you know? 

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I am remarried and everyone kept the last name they already had.  I, too, am an educator and my professional identity is tied to my late husband's name.  Honestly, it hasn't been an issue and it hasn't been hard to explain.  As with most things, when and if the time comes, I say do what feels right for you.  

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Have had my married name longer than my maiden name.  Same as son’s.  Also , professional licensed name.  Not sure I’d change if remarried for those reasons.  

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I don't foresee my self changing mine.

I want to keep that connection to him.

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I would like to change my last name, and have used my maiden name occasionally in social situations for the past few years.  It feels a little bit like a betrayal to DH, it's just that I never did like my married name.  Story for another time, but this name implies something that I'm not.   My children share this name, and I'll keep it now for that reason.  Should I marry again - unlikely I think - I'll reconsider. 

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I’ve been thinking about this a lot since I got engaged a few weeks ago. When I married my late husband I kept my maiden name, but when he adopted my son a year later, it was very important to him that we all have the same last name, so I took his last name and kept my maiden name as my middle name. I’m dreading the hassle of changing my name again, but it feels like I’d be not fully committing to my new husband if I didn’t. My son is a grownup now, so sharing a last name doesn’t feel that important anymore. I think what I’ll do is change my last name to my new husband’s, keep my late husband’s name as my middle name, and ditch my maiden name altogether.

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I actually kept my last name when I got married BUT my son got my husband's last name....I want him to keep it but I am trying to convince my son it would be a good idea to hyphenate his Dad's last name with my last name. But right now (as a young boy) he just wants to keep his Dad's last name so I am going to keep that course for now (and try and bring this up again when he is older).

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I changed to my new husband's last name and changed my middle name to my maiden name. I never cared for first husband's last name, and don't really care for new husband's last name either. I like my maiden name and use it one for the most part online. I would have preferred to just go back to my maiden name and not taken new husband's last name, but he wanted me to. Changing my middle name was my compromise with myself. 

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