Abitlost

Mike, I shall refrain from commenting on your post other than to respectfully request you remove it. The OP has requested shared experiences, not your judgment, unsolicited opinion and skewed advice. abl

Nothing to add other than to stand up and say Bravo, Rob, bravo!

Stories...you have no idea, Mac...!

Absolutely. I won't settle just to pair up. But I do very much miss being in a happy, healthy, supportive relationship. My marriage was perfect by my standards and my bar is very high. Date #41 last night showed promise. No disqualifiers or red flags with good conversation and chemistry is a pretty good start

I am a brain tumor caregiver mentor. I currently have four caregiver mentees. It can be hard at times but I wish I had someone who "got it" when DH was sick. Being the extreme caregiver of a brain tumor patient is something you can't fathom unless you've been there. I am happy I can help guide, support, encourage and comfort my mentees. I am also a chemo support to an assigned patient undergoing treatment of any type of cancer. abl

Thank you everyone. The count is now up to 39. My friends tell me I'm too picky and I suppose I am, but I am not settling. nonesuch, I'm thinking I dodged a bullet. If a guy is thinking he doesn't have what it takes to be with me, he is probably right. Lesson learned there is when a guy leads with "my therapist said..." to run the other direction! (that's a joke, not meant to offend anyone...) Jen, don't think your physical appearance has anything to do with your status. I am very fit, active and (I'm told) attractive, but those have proven irrelevant factors in finding my perfect mate.

In the year since Ex-BF and I split, I have been out with 38 different men. Even though I'm selective in whom I go out with, most of the men turn out just not to be my type. Finally I met a man with whom I really clicked, only for him to freak out because he has basically not processed his divorce and has too many changes going on in his life right now to be in a relationship. Ouch. Shortly after that I met another divorced man with whom the mutual connection was instant with energy and intense attraction off the chart...only for him to later express he wasn't ready for a relationship because of some major transitions in his professional life. This latest guy told me that because of my history (being widowed) he was afraid of hurting me because none of his relationships work out, someone always gets hurt and that I didn't deserve to be hurt. He told me his therapist agreed. I suppose it is better to realize now rather than months down the road, but still...ouch.... To add insult, he told me this by text because he said it would be too hard to do by phone, on a day we had a date and a week together planned while my kids are out of town. I am more and more convinced a second chapter just isn't going to happen for me. abl

Not silly at all, mikeeh. Heart ache is a pain like no other. I know it doesn't seem like it now but the pain will lessen over time; even the thought of that I'm aware can cause pain. Hugs, abl

Congratulations!!!!! Such a wonderful story!!! You two are an inspiration!!! abl

Rob, In my experience, there is no point in counseling with a kid who is resistant to it. If she's not open to it, there is probably no point. I have tried your approach with lessons presented in a book as well, and it probably has the same effect. The message probably won't get through to a kid that is avoidant and making excuses for herself. What is most successful for me is to catch them being good, the same strategy from when they were younger. Praise still goes a lot further toward facilitating positive behaviors than reprimand. So the chicken was undercooked. How about the vegetables? Can you find things to compliment her on so the message isn't all negative? abl

Trying, You can't do it all. Nobody can. You don't have to apologize for yourself. In my experience, the longer I've been doing it alone (seemingly swell), the more people expect I've got everything handled. They have no idea how hard it is, and frankly they don't want to know. There is a program called Road to Recovery through the American Cancer Society that provides free transportation for cancer patients to their appointments; perhaps they may be able to help out. hugs, abl

Couples our age I can handle. Seeing fathers with their kids I can handle. DH got to do those things -- far too briefly, but he still got to do them. Elderly he will never be. We'll never be that cute white-haired couple holding hands in the grocery store I saw today. This gets me every. single. time.

I'm so sorry. Cancer sucks. Eff off, Cancer! Yes, you and your family can and will do this, because of course what choice do you have... Big hugs, abl

First of all...congratulations!!! I am so happy for you!!! My advice would be to approach it in a natural way, that this is a natural progression of your commitment to each other. Reassure them that your happiness now doesn't diminish the love for their dad, and never will. You have found someone with whom you wish to spend the rest of your days. You could always joke that this gets them off the hook for having to take care of you the rest of your life ;D abl

I always had my profile in "private" mode I think it was called where no one could see me unless I contacted him first, so yes I made all the first moves. I had so many dates I can't even count.

Breakups suck, klim. I'm sorry.

Lots of things, including realizing how long he has been dead, how much he has missed, and how much I miss him.

I was not charged room and board by my parents and I turned out very financially responsible. My parents paid half my undergrad tuition as long as my grades were over a 3.0. I worked as a waitress summers and holidays to cover my portion. Grad school I was on my own. I cannot imagine ever charging my kids for room and board. I am buying a vehicle that I am comfortable them driving which will cost more to insure than a beater-car; I will cover insurance unless there is a claim on it, then they will pay any surcharges. They will pay gas. I am altering my parents' approach to tuition because I want them to focus on academics or internships throughout their college years: as long as their grades are above 3.0, I will pay half of everything but will not collect their half until 10 years after they have completed all their studies, by which time they will be well-established and it will not be a hardship for them to reimburse me. That is my current state of thinking.

Dear SB's Mom, SB has a lot on her plate and you are adding to her stress by denying her a place to safely vent. Please allow her the freedom to post at will without fear/knowledge that you are stalking her here. It may even improve your relations. abl

I got punked and am feeling rather foolish. I was emailing this guy who seemed perfect on the site. Then he wanted to start texting. I did my homework first -- Google image searches on his profile pics and several text searches of his verbiage plus a quick phone number search; they were all clean. So I agreed and we spent the entire day engaged in a text conversation. We must have exchanged 500 texts. He had me fooled with his vocabulary, his story was flawless, he definitely is local because he knows all the spots, schedules, nuances, etc of the neighborhood. I kept thinking this guy is too good to be true. Then something he said gave me pause. First thing this morning I asked him to send a selfie doing something specific, a hostage photo if you will. Crickets. Of course he can't produce the photo because he's not really the guy in the profile pics. What a fool I am. But what gives? What is his M.O? I. Give. Up.

Yup. It sounds like a messy situation for DIL and NG. It speaks volumes that she is getting out now while she has her whole life in front of her and reaches to the solid foundation she has in her Dad...try to remind him what a good job he has done in that that relationship is solid. I hope peace comes for all you soon. abl

CW, without a doubt, you dodged a bullet. I know it hurts in so many ways, but he did you a favor in releasing you. If I were you, I would take this opportunity to articulate your every gripe in an e-mail to him, take some time to heal yourself, and move on. You know you deserve so much better. hugs, abl

I'm sorry SVS. Pets are family and going through this is gut-wrenching for everyone. hugs, abl

I'm sorry, CW. I'm sure more of this story will be revealed but the turmoil you're going through sucks. abl

Along with losing a natural parent, we lost the ability to model a loving, committed adult relationship between said natural parents. For me, witnessing the relationship my own parents had was seminal in knowing both what I wanted in my own marriage and what it took to maintain it. I have zero regrets of modeling what that looks like for my kids in the 4.5 years ex-BF and I spent together -- which included open affection and sharing a bed -- and hope one day to find someone else worthy of assuming that role. abl