Mr C

At one month out, I went to see my daughter perform in Secret Garden. That was pure agony; I sobbed through it and had to look away when she wasn't on stage. She had six performances in total. Fortunately, she let me off the hook from going to any of the others. Even now, while playing both songs posted from the show above my brain was in protective mode and tuning them out.

There is certain degree of comfort with being able to be with someone who understands such great loss, even if the circumstances are a little different. The person that I got the most comfort in visiting, after losing my wife, was a friend that had lost a teenage child tragically within the prior year. We were able to talk about whatever came to mind without feeling judged or crazy. We also got to share stories about my wife and her child. As a newbie, it really helped me to be able to sit with someone who got it. She seemed to enjoy the visits as well.

That is a big trigger indeed. I so miss being able to give my wife flowers and other little gifts from the heart.

For Mrs. C, I am posting from the movie version of West Side Story which she loved. This song popped in my head last month while thinking of her. I am trying to keep the faith that there is a time and place for us, SOMEWHERE.

I am now at 13 months. The tide of grief had been rising for over a week and the waves finally came crashing down with a vengeance this weekend. They felt as strong as ever and really sucked the life out of me. I am hoping that was the end of this round. I have so much I want to accomplish that is right in front of me. But I have been tripping over this grief again and it is so demoralizing.

It has been 13 months since I lost my wife to a burst aortic aneurysm and the pain is still so deep. :'( I am just going to copy my introductory post from last April: On February 22nd, I lost my high school sweetheart. We have been together for 27 years and married for 22. I miss her so much and feel so lost without her. I am grateful that we started so young and that we were able to share the joy of raising two kids, 18 and 14. She was such a great mother and together we poured everything into our kids. I love our kids so much, but I was looking forward to the time when it was supposed to just be the two of us again. The loss felt sudden, even though I knew the risk was there. She was fortunate to survive an aortic dissection three years ago and she had heart health issues ever since. Yet she was able to accomplish so much during this time, always with her beautiful smile and positive spirit. We didn't have any goodbyes, but at least we were able to add several special moments over these past few years. I alternate between feeling so blessed to have experienced such amazing Love with this wonderful woman that was adored by all who knew her and feeling the sadness and loneliness of losing my best friend. The tears seem to flow best when I experience both emotions simultaneously. _________________________ Mrs.C, You have been my Sweetheart, Best Friend and Love since 1987. You will be my Wife forever and ever and ever. Love Always, Mr. C

For all you Julie Andrews fans, here is a 1956 live performance of "I Could Have Danced All Night" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X269B9gLwz0 My Fair Lady premiered on Broadway March 15, 1956 with Rex Harrison as Professor Henry Higgins and Julie Andrews as Eliza Doolittle. The show was a hit and had a record run (at the time) of 2,717 performances through September 1962. It won the Tony Award for best musical in 1957 and Rex Harrison won the Tony for best performance by a leading actor that year. Ces and I saw My Fair Lady at the Civic Auditorium in Pasadena, CA in March 1991. After the show we heard the stuffy older crowd complaining about ?the same old rendition.? Sorry, but we were a couple of college kids seeing the show for the first time and loved the traditional playing. It was a special treat to see Henry Higgins played by Noel Harrison, the son of Rex Harrison. He even had some of the props that his father used in the original Broadway rendition.

SVS, I am sorry that you have had so much turmoil recently. Everything is harder without your spouse and best friend. Thank you for sharing this quote. I can so relate to it and your opening paragraph. It is good to see you on here. Sending you (((HUGS)))

Jen, I needed this thread. I am going through Broadway song withdrawals now that my daughter has moved to New York. I have to start with music from Phantom of the Opera due to the significance to my family. My official proposal to my wife was on the night we went to see Michael Crawford in The Phantom of the Opera in Los Angeles. A little over a decade later I took our daughter to see Phantom in Seattle. Her life was forever impacted by this first musical she ever saw. "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" with Sierra Boggess as Christine:

(((Carey))) Your post shows me that you have not failed. Life has been beyond unfair. Yet you have continued to try for yourself and your kids. Take things one step at a time and be gentle with yourself.

The one year mark felt like an accomplishment in survival. It is worthy of a medal. A souped up "little red monster" new car is even better. 8)

Jason, Thank you for sharing your video, message and Grace's beautiful music. I am sorry that have to deal with such nasty comments by some small minded people. I can only imagine how much that hurts on top of all you have had to endure. From what I have seen of you here, it was of little surprise to see how your friends, family and others rallied to defend and support you. You have a beautiful soul and your great love for Grace is clear.

(((Baylee))) The stories that you and lcoxwell have been sharing are so beautifully written and emotionally touching. Thank You.

Jason, my thoughts are with you today.

For a couple days I have been trying to bite my tongue (or hold back my typing fingers)..... But that was a bullshit statement after a cold-hearted move. I will defer the rest of my response to Mrs. Dan as she said it much more tactfully than I would of. :-X

The whole first six months are such a blur to me. As for the service, there are only a handful of people I remember seeing out of a packed full church. I was so focused on my wife that day and on our kids too. I see people now and wonder if they were there. I want to say something, but dare not ask.

Here is another widow song from If/Then, "You Learn to Live Without." I saw If/Then a couple weeks ago on Broadway and Idina Menzel was amazing. The story follows two paths for Elizabeth: all business Beth who is a single workaholic; and Liz who falls in Love, gets married and becomes a widow. It's not that she can't have both love and career. It's just that subtle choices and encounters lead to different paths (with some similar fates). The whole song fits for widows. However, technically the first verse is sung by Beth. Liz's widow verse begins (1:15) with "You learn to fall asleep alone." The last verse (2:22) is from both character's perspectives, "You learn to count the quiet wins; an hour with no unprompted tears." FYI - The final performance for If/Then on Broadway is March 22nd.

Here is "Always Starting Over" sung by Idina Menzel. This is the widow song near the end of If/Then as Liz reflects back on her life with her husband and the journey ahead. This song has been going through my head all morning while reading the new forum. Thanks Jess for responding so quickly to set up a new forum, and Justin, Jen and the others who have put so much into creating new homes for us "to start over and over."

L, There is so much love in the stories you have been sharing about you and your Kenneth. Sending you (((hugs))) as you go through the next couple days.