RyanAmysMom

My hubby passed 19 months ago due to complications from a similar heart condition - he was born with ToF - had 5 open heart surgeries throughout his life.... I don't have advice, other than to say be patient with yourself and the family - Grief makes people crazy, temporarily - and I suspect there were problems between you and his family before his passing? I can't imagine people being that awful out of the blue..... Perhaps his mom is just trying to hold on to "something" of her baby? My mother in law did ask for a few of my hubby's things after his passing, but at least she was civil about it.... Does the pain ever end? Honestly, no.... but it will ease over time..... I pray you have someone that you can ask for help so that you can rest and grieve...

So, I finally "met" a man that was a friend of a friend, and was said to be a nice guy.... Have been chatting online, and hit it off.... And were planning to meet tonight......... And then my youngest spiked a fever.... Right now I wish I wasn't such a good mom...... Maybe next weekend? I sure hope he doesn't think I'm flaking.....

I've never seen this thread before! It's so refreshing to know I'm not the only one....... Sitting here with the laptop and 2 puppies cuddling, watching TV..... I got up the nerve to ask a man out this morning, but that didn't go where I had hoped.... so...... here I sit.... lonely, as usual. This shit is pathetic.

Got a message from a man today online who clearly stated that he wouldn't be available to actually "date" for 7 months because he was on a state-sponsored vacation, but he'd be happy to text at any time. > Seriously. It even had a pic of him in his cell.........

The excitement of the phone call. The breathless acceptance of a dinner invitation. Taking extra time in getting ready to go out..... Surprised that he MADE dinner! And that grin at the door when he opens it..... And his cologne....... ahhhh.. candles burning.... feeding each other across the table.... making a point of licking my lips seductively.... kissing across the table... suddenly not feeling hungry for food at all.... Yeah... that's what I need..... sigh.....

Haven't had that kind of experience - but I wanted to express that I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and it sounds like maybe it's still lingering for you.... I hope you are able to find a way to put this issue to rest - I can't imagine the insecurity and pain that your suspicions might be causing....

I"ve been trying to catch up - only on episode 7 - But something in every episode gets me crying..... I have such a love/hate relationship with this show!

Oh Seaforrest - I lost my dh about 18 months ago - not the same circumstances as yours, but you said something that really resonated with me - While I adored dh, worshiped him, waited on him, took care of him, I found that I was relieved when he passed. It takes a lot of courage to admit that emotion in this situation - but that's the truth - I was relieved. He was so tragically physically ill that it was a blessing that he died - I obviously didn't feel that way immediately, and I don't always feel that way, but I understand the feelings that you're having - my kids (now 13 and 16) have my full attention, they don't have to wait for me to wait on dad, to care for him - He had a temper, too - not to the extent that you dealt with, but it's nice to see the kids relax..... Keep talking - Keep processing - Jennifer

Can I ask a very frank question that really demonstrates my naivete? (and insecurity...) I'm in two conversations online with men who seem to be quite handsome..... both claim to be widowers.... which I find to be a plus - maybe I won't have to explain why I'm hesitant to start dating.... Do men really actually like women with a little meat on them? 'Cuz I totally thought I wouldn't be attractive to some of the men that I am chatting with...... I mean - I'm at the top of the plus-size range.... So guys.... Are you interested in heavier girls? Or am I being "played" here? Please be honest... And..... is it safe/reasonable to give out a personal cell number?

Can I ask a very frank question that really demonstrates my naivete? (and insecurity...) I'm in two conversations online with men who seem to be quite handsome..... Do men really actually like women with a little meat on them? 'Cuz I totally thought I wouldn't be attractive to some of the men that I am chatting with...... I mean - I'm at the top of the plus-size range.... So guys.... Are you interested in heavier girls? Or am I being "played" here? Please be honest.....

Oh, mbanyard, you nailed it........ it's like you're reading my mind......... "Fuck all those people who said they were there for me and to ask for anything at all, anytime, because they clearly meant just up to the point of the funeral. Fuck the so called friends who never call, never check up and never have time to spend time together, for they think I'm so strong I can do it alone. Fuck not having the one person in the world who understands you still by your side. and Fuck the roller coaster of emotions, the lack of drive, the lack of future plan, and the fucking insomnia that has me up all night" And mostly, for me, FUCK the loneliness....... I'm so freaking lonely I can't do anything but sit and cry and feel sorry for myself. And Fuck that I can't be honest with anyone about how lonely I feel. 18 months ago right now..... my hubby collapsed.... and I wasn't there.... Fuck the guilt and pain.....

Oh, MB, I so relate to your experience! DH and I both lived with our parents until we were married at 24 - He "lived" a little, but I just turned 45 and have never been to a bar, club, or on a date other than with high school boyfriends. I, too, don't even know where to start - I mentioned yesterday that I created a profile on "Match" and was browsing a bit, until I found a picture of my daughter's piano teacher's husband - I deleted that profile so fast...... Ugh......

Northern/Central California -

Totally would love to do this sometime! I'm in nor cal - But would love to meet up with others!!!

Created a profile on Match for about 20 minutes last night. Was browsing my "matches" and saw my daughter's piano teacher's husband. :o :o Yup. Deleted my profile. 'nuff of that nonsense......

I had a "moment" in the grocery store today - reached for something that I always bought for my sweet hubby and he's been gone 18 months.... I just froze, then cracked and sobbed, right there in the grocery store. I know it's not the same as a panic attack, but I understand the fear and uncertainty of what you're feeling. I hope - I know - it will get better for you over time. Be patient with yourself.

As I've had a few days to think about this "disaster" date, I've realized that a lot of it wasn't really me after all! I accepted a date with a man who had pursued me for a while - but insisted that it be JUST coffee.... Well, as I said, he had been pursuing me - had called me several times, invited me out several times, and I had declined in the past - so this time, I thought I'd give it a try.... So we met -- He had several questions about how hubby passed, how the kids and I are functioning, how we're feeling, he even asked questions about how hubby and I met and dated... I was perfectly comfortable the whole time - it's interesting - because whenever my girlfriends ask me about my hubby, I tend to tear up or shut down - but with this "date", I was able to talk about hubby - I think what happened is that he assumed that I wasn't ready to start dating - I think he got overwhelmed with how much "baggage" I would bring to a dating situation - and that's fair. He asked me how I thought I might handle that first "walk to the door at the end of the date" situation or whether I'd be willing to introduce my kids to a date.... I got the feeling that he was concerned that maybe i've not given it enough time. (I also think it might be that in 18 years he's had two failed marriages and two kids with two other women, and perhaps he's not exactly ready to jump into a new relationship, either!) Overall, it was nice to know that I could sit across the table from a handsome man and smile and be smiled at. It was reassuring to know that I won't necessarily fall apart if I "cheat on my husband." My major take-away from this is that my son is turning 16, my daughter just turned 13.... it's not long until they are out of the house - and maybe dating can wait until then...... maybe....

So, I totally thought I was ready for that "turning point" and went out for a coffee "date" today - what a disaster..... Me, I mean! So, I guess I need to spend a little more time pondering what dating would really mean for my kids, and evaluate my priorities some more...... Do I just need time to get comfortable being lonely? Do I need to be selfish and not worry so much about the kids? Do I just need an attitude adjustment? Ugh!

My sweetheart left 18 months ago - I have two young teens, and I teach 5th grade. I have vowed that I don't need any man or anyone else's baggage - I don't need to subject my kids to the kind of nonsense that I see single/divorced parents doing to my students..... I don't need anyone meddling in my parenting, and I don't want to take on the stress of anyone else's kids.... So I'm totally fine alone. And I have been all along. Until the moments when I'm not. Until I've had too much of my kids, too much of my students, too much of my girlfriends' bitching - and I just want to have a man smile at me and remind me that I have a brain that's interesting and alive. And then I get confused and distracted, and moody.... I really appreciate that some others here have had the same feelings - and I like that some of you have found solutions to those issues. Thanks for the insight.

Holy freaking hell, people! I got on here and read a little - and now I can't think! It's been 18 months since my husband passed - and he had been ill prior to his passing, so it's been too long....... Oh that desire to have skin contact with someone - in any form...... I'm not sure I'm capable of having a relationship at this point, but I contacted a man and asked him to meet me for coffee this week...... I pray I can control my thoughts and behavior! If anything happens, I blame all of you!!!!

It's been almost 18 months since my DH passed.... And I've been sitting around feeling so lonely and missing my DH, but it seems to be turning to feeling so lonely and wanting to date.... And it feels exciting and devastating at the same time..... Recognizing this change of attitude is almost as hard as realizing that my hubby had passed..... When does it get easier?

Less than 2 months after my DH passed, my son's high school teacher sent me an e-mail - He was in a new school, a new district - and his loss was so fresh.... The teacher said, "Ryan is in an honors program. He needs to act like it. He needs to get over it and move on and focus." I was furious, shot a copy of the e-mail to the principal (who did absolutely nothing) and then found out that the teacher had said the same words to my son's face..... "get over it, move on...focus" Are you kidding me? So... he's now enrolled elsewhere.....

I'm Jennifer, Mom to Ryan (16) and Amy (13), Widow of David. David and I were married for almost 20 years, before he passed away in July, 2015. David was born with significant heart and lung defects, and underwent multiple heart surgeries as a child, but was thriving in adulthood. When we met, he explained to me that he had a "less-than-normal life expectancy," but we were perfect together. I felt "called" to be his wife, and I knew I wouldn't have him until we were "old" but he was worth the chance. Over the years, David's health declined. I was becoming more and more the care-giver, and less the wife..... We were on family vacation in 2015 and I had taken the kids to play, and he collapsed. His heart had finally just had enough. I wasn't naive - I knew he wasn't well - but I thought we'd have a few more years.... I completely expected his decline to be gradual.... He was 44 when he passed - I was 43... So now it's been nearly 18 months, and I'm still grieving... not completely surrounded by the "fog of grief" that was so heavy the first year, but still actively grieving - I had intellectually dealt with being a young widow, but had never really considered how much it would affect me emotionally.... and I deal with guilt about having children knowing that they wouldn't have a dad for long.... I find that the word I'm living with and fighting against is "loneliness"..... Even with my career and my kids around, and my family close, I find that I'm longing for intimacy, closeness, affection, companionship - I don't know if I'm really ready to date again - but as I see my friends thriving, and living.... I am wondering... Anyway - that's me and where I'm at......

I'm new around here - and was just gonna lurk, but then started reading this thread - My DH passed almost 18 months ago - We had been renting our home for about 6 years before he passed, and I decided that I wanted to buy the house, so I did! And since then, I've invested most of his life insurance money into renovations - I'm really starting to worry about my spending...... (kinda) So far, I've gutted the kitchen and family rooms, re-floored, painted, took out walls and several cabinets.... bought new furniture.... it's kinda out of control.... But at least I'm not alone!