RyanAmysMom

Interesting article about Social Isolation - I'm pretty sure that's what Ive been doing....... Anybody else? https://whatsyourgrief.com/social-isolation/

I was asked recently to be on a panel discussion at my church about family preparedness. They want to have several of us widows speak about being prepared for the passing of a loved one. They asked us to talk about the things we've done to prepare, and the things we wish we had done, or things we wish we had known ahead of time. What advice would you give? What surprises/challenges did you face? I know I'll talk about the fact that it cost $10K to bury my LH here in Ca..... And how little SSI pays.... and what a relief it was to have life insurance.... But what else? What about legal details? Thx!

It's my 22nd wedding anniversary..... 3rd anniversary without my sweet hubby. Woke up with a migraine, slept part of the day, cried the rest. I know people keep saying it gets better..... but I'm really not doing better today than I was a year ago......

Made dinner for my late husband's family - Bought a Standing Rib Roast - $160!!!!! Seriously?!?!? Next year it's a $20 turkey... Anyway, because the roast was huge and my oven is small, it smoked, and set of the fire alarm. 3 times. Yep..... slightly embarrassing... After dinner, went to my parents to visit a while... Came home and found a gift on my porch...... I had posted on my FB "craving chips and salsa" yesterday.... Got home, and there was a jar of salsa and a bag of chips... Which was nice and amusing.... And along with it was a "note" from my deceased husband - "Merry Christmas, Don't shed a tear, I'm spending Christmas in Heaven with Jesus this year. Love, Dad (David)" I know whomever left it meant well, but it felt like a sucker punch..... So here I sit, crying. Merry freaking Christmas!

You could be writing about my son as well. He's happiest when he's in his online existence, and panics at the thought of meeting new people. I even pulled him from regular high school last year - He now home-schools himself. His main diet is pizza rolls.... It's tragic, but, now that we're about 2 1/2 years out, he's finally coming back - finally putting effort into little things like brushing his teeth, taking a shower more than once a week.... and finally putting effort and interest in school work and just started talking about college. What a relief it is to have some time behind us.... No, it's still not easy... but it's better.

Mine would say "RESILIANT.... but still not 100%"

Clearly you're doing better at recovering than I am - I have missed my David for 865 days.... And it hasn't gotten much easier.... And his birthday is next month - so I decided to invite everyone I know and have a big party for him- hoping a change in my perspective and attitude will ease it some....

1. I didn't tell my boss to shove it. 2. My kids are finally getting the grades they are capable of! 3. My teenage boy smiled at me today!

Went to the doctor this week for the first time in 3 years..... 1. Cholesterol is low 2. A1C is low 3. got a shot in my hip that is making my joint feel much better!

Potato Cheddar soup. Movie at the theater or movie at home?

Nursing a head cold, snuggling a dog..... Watching Live PD - laughing at stupid people.....

I don't know how to say this, so I'm thinking I'll write and work it out a bit..... Any questions are probably rhetorical, unless you have some great insight to offer... My husband died 30 days before I started teaching elementary school 2 1/2 years ago - We had known that he would not have a long life, but I wasn't ready for him to go - We were "switching places" - I was going back to work, he was about to retire and tend the kids.... So he passed, and I went to work. The first year, I was wrapped up in myself..... The second year, I had one student whose brother had the same heart condition as my husband, and I had 2 students whose fathers had passed away within the year.... So I really played "therapist" last year.... And it wore on me..... I think it would've worn on anyone, but it was especially hard for me because I had just helped my own children through their grief... and was still helping them.... So this year, I have yet another student who lost his dad..... His grief is so intense.... he's so angry... he's so defensive and mean.... (he's 9) This poor boy discovered his dad after he'd overdosed..... I want so desperately to help him..... But I just don't even know where to start... His mom "doesn't believe in counseling" so he's had nothing...no support, no therapy, no outlet.... So every day at school he fights me, hates me, glares at me, talks back to me, he's defiant, rude....... And then I take a step back and recognize that I haven't taken time to deal with my own grief appropriately - And I'm emotionally exhausted...... And because I haven't taken care of me, I can't take care of him...... And then I question my career choice...... Because he's just one of 28.... And he's not my most emotionally broken kid.... just the one that I connect with the most.... So I went to talk to the school counselor about the boy and about me.... and she starts describing something called vicarious trauma.... And she is worried that the student's trauma is adding to my own..... I really need to find a way to take care of myself... sigh

Thanks, everybody - She and I talked through all of the options and thoughts last night - We cried together as I told her about her daddy's desire to go on this trip as a family - She agreed that it's something that we can do to honor daddy.... and then she went on to assure me that she's still got her band Disneyland trip and the 8th grade trips this year, and that she'll have plenty of time to travel with friends. I'm so proud of her. Now, I just have to budget for a trip for all 3 of us......... Maybe I'll start a new thread about how to sightsee in Wash DC and NY.........

Single mommyhood sucks. I miss having my partner in making decisions..... So... My late husband's "bucket list" trip was to go to Washington DC and New York (We live in NorCal.) He never got to go. My 8th grade daughter has an opportunity to go with her school this Spring - and I'm struggling with a couple of things.... First - it's a lot of $$$.Like, $3,000.... Second, I want to take the trip with her, I want to show her the things that her daddy wanted to see........and I wouldn't be able to..... At the same time, I want her to have the opportunity to grow, see the world, be independent, and have this experience....... So I did the math and figured out that for about $4,000 I could take both kids and go next summer...... Is it unreasonable to ask her to wait?

Well, it's almost 6 PM here in Northern CA, and it's 108 degrees outside with "chunky" air (extremely bad air quality).... So, I'm sitting exactly where I've been sitting all day, avoiding the light, trying to stay cool. Later tonight, thought, I do have plans: As soon as the temp falls below 90 (expected at about midnight) I'm going to do all of the chores I didn't do all day.

So sorry....... And we skipped Father's day, too.... On my husbands birthday, he insisted on a New York Cheesecake and he gave gifts to his children - so now that's our tradition without him - I get a cheesecake and I buy gifts for the kids. And we talk about daddy on his birthday. It sucks. Completely. But it's better than pretending it's not an important day.

Oh, TooSoon, you're reading my mind! Work all week and look forward to the weekend, and then..... what.? Nothing. No plans, totally lonely, bored, too much time to think....... My kids are teens now, so they are out with friends or having friends over, but I still feel lonely.... I teach school, and school starts in about 10 days, so I've resigned myself to "working" which basically means cruising teachers' blogs looking for good ideas.....

I'm having an anxiety attack just reading this. I think you're living out a scenario I'd love to live if I had the courage. Good luck to you - where ever you land!

MissmyBecky - I totally agree! I'm not perfect either! I admit to having toyed with boys when I was younger - just like what you're describing...... I just can't see doing it as a grown adult.... Sorry that's happening to you!

Oh, Bear! You crack me up! But you're exactly right - he's a dumb ass - I asked him very directly what in the hell happened, and he admitted that he felt he was in over his head - I don't have time for games...... So....... older dudes? Depends on how old! I'm a very young 45, and I'm convinced that men just don't mature past age 14.... even my LH never really did!

I really didn't think I'd be very interested in looking at everyone's pictures - but this thread is very compelling. Here's my little family, 13 years ago. My David passed 2 years ago this week.

Oh no! Not nice!

So, my husband passed away 2 years ago tonight.... I was praying all day for a distraction so that I wouldn't sit and re-live that night.... So.... about 7:30, my son says, "Mom, there's water on the floor"............. Turns out, there was about an inch of water over the floor in the whole house except for the room I was in..... The washing machine was filling - and overflowed.... so now I get to spend the evening with the fine folks from Restoration services and figure out how to cover my homeowner's deductible..... Thanks, honey, for the "distraction." I'll be more careful in my prayers in the future...

Several times in the past couple of weeks my "mask" of sanity and composure has cracked, and I've shed tears publicly - and my friends and family (and sometimes complete strangers) just gape open mouthed like they've never seen a woman cry before...... So I posted this to my FB last night - hoping to explain myself a little - hoping to understand myself a little.......

Just curious whether folks here have a religious affiliation, and do you feel that it helps?