ManutesGirl

Today's activity included trainer time, running in circles in my house cause too much snow outside & I don't own a treadmill and more shoveling than I care to deal with. Tomorrow looks like it will be a repeat of today.

Snowed in by yourself is just so stinking lonely.

Those have been my thoughts all week too. Stay safe this weekend.

Welcome DaysofElijah and Pammy. Glad to have you join us. There many types of goals and fitness levels here so hopefully you will find this a welcoming and encouraging group. I know I'm inspired by this thread! Due to this crazy snowstorm I will be getting some time on my trainer and lots of snow shoveling this weekend.

What a tough situation. I hope you find some comfort in the fact that you have created an environment that this boy felt safe in. It speaks volumes to who you are.

Had one of those no good, horrible, rotten days at work. Driving home from work all I could think of is how much I miss having DH to call and decompress on the way home. It's just not something you call and gripe to a friend about. Over 4 years later and sometimes the missing him hits so hard.

So good to see your name again. I was just thinking about you wondering how you were. No good words of advice for you. Still not dating and not sure how I would handle someone asking me out. But, sending you good thoughts and hugs. I hope you reach out to him and try to explain your thoughts. You might be surprised by how he handles it and more importantly it may help you.

Finally back to a normal workout schedule after a injury kept me from a lot of activities. But that coupled with back at work after an almost 2 week vacation was just brutal. I was so exhausted this week. But on the exciting/scary side, this was week 1 of my journey to fulfilling my midlife crisis decision (or more honestly to this group - the I have to do something to stop just existing and really start living since my husband died) to complete an Ironman. Less than 200 day to go...

If you weren't able to get a referral to your non-par specialist would you be able to pay out of pocket or willing to switch specialists? Also if you have money left in your HSA that is yours and can be used for this.

Four years later and I am still challenged to cook regularly. Part is I miss cooking with DH and sharing the meal with him and part is my days are just too long and I don't have the energy. I try to cook on the weekends and then use that as the base for the week or freeze it, some in single servings so I have something to bring to work for lunch. If that doesn't happen it is takeout for lunch and cheese & crackers for dinner. Summer my staples are grilling a bunch of meat & veggies on the weekend and then using that during the week as is or in a salad or sandwich. Winter tends to be making soup & stews & stuff like that to eat & to freeze. But the one thing I think that has helped is buying a rotisserie chicken. Can eat as is, make quesadillas, sandwiches, etc. Tonight I used it to make a quick chicken chili.

I woke up this morning feeling so sad. I didn't feel that bad last year so it surprised me. Then when I posted on FB I had a complete crazy crying jag. Been a long time since I had one of those. I posted an excerpt from one of DHs recordings when he was on hospice (my brother had given him a digital recorder so I have a bunch of them...haven't listened to all of them though). Warms my heart to see how many people have shared his words. I brought flowers to the cemetery this morning. My idea of a peaceful visit didn't happen due to them digging a grave near us. The guys working were complaining a bit. One of them said, they gotta stop selling these double deep plots. I almost replied to them no cause I like it on top. Sort of wish I had cause I would have loved to see the look on their faces. What a rollercoaster ride this has been...

So glad to hear you are ok. Bike crashes are so scary. Take a week or so to let yourself heal before you try to figure anything out.

It's ok to say that you recognized it wasn't the right fit and decided it was best to devote your time to finding something that fits both yours and the company you work for goals.

I think the hardest part is figuring out his true character when there is all this other stuff going on. Personally I wouldn't tolerate someone who berates their ex in front of his kids or uses them as a pawn. My DH had a challenging relationship with his ex. He was usually good about it but there were periods of time where it ruled our lives because there were kids involved. That said, this was not done by him in front of the kids. He did a great job of not putting them in the middle. Unfortunately she didn't do the same and they suffered for it. The other thing is I think we were both na?ve thinking she would mellow as they got further out from their divorce. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. It didn't cause issues between DH & me but it did add an element to our relationship and family life that neither of us expected. Good luck figuring this out. Like others have said, listen to your gut - it's probably steering you in the right direction.

Just saw this. Unfortunately I can't go. But Lmsmdm my niece is a sophomore at KU and if you need help with all those lanterns I'm sure she would be willing to help out.

I often think that those not as close in some ways have a harder time dealing because it isn't their life. We don't have a choice and we live the life we have to live at the time. It somehow just becomes another part of our day to day lives. I just did...I didn't think about what I was doing. I did it because that was the life we had to live at that time. It also meant we still experienced all aspects of living, including laughing and enjoying things. Heck, DH & I got in a huge fight when he was home on hospice. I walked out of the room and remember thinking now what, he can't come after me and I have to go back in there to get ready for bed. So you do what you need to do to get through each day. Caring for him and your daughter are your priorities and you need to do whatever you have to to do that well.

That's it IfIonlycould! It's such a weird feeling

to be doing better than ever but depressed at the same time? A week or so ago I realized that I was the new version of me. I still had a way to go but felt so much lighter than any time since DH was diagnosed 4.5 years ago. It had taken two years of a conscious effort to force myself to engage in something other than work and being home. It's been good for me and although I am still not super social I have met a great group of people that are becoming good friends. At the same time I'm thinking I'm more depressed than ever (lots going on so hard to distinguish between depressed and grief rearing it's ugly head again). I am having a hard time cooking, which means my eating habits are going downhill again. I've always loved to cook. After DH died it was hard to do and rarely did it but I had gotten past that. Now I just don't see the point of cooking for just me. If I cook, then I have to clean up. It all seems so overwhelming. How can both be happening at the same time?

It's weekend nights that slay me. I handle the days ok but the night s seem so long still. I'm not sure I will ever not miss our Saturday happy hours, dinner, fire pit , etc... And totally off topic. My niece is back for her sophomore year. I'll let you know if I nake it up there to visit. And if you need a babysitter she is awesome...her schedule can be crazy but...

In a funk and spiraling fast...Good day, random encounters with nice supportive people. Spent time with a newer friend. Even with all that I miss the kids and I miss him. I miss being able to enjoy cooking out. I can spend a long time getting dinner ready, grilling etc and then I have to eat inside on a beautiful night cause I just can't stand eating alone outside. UGH! I just need to go to bed and hope for a better day tomorrow.

Three words would be much easier.... trust yourself or you're awesome or be kind

Monday I signed up to compete in Ironman Lake Placid in July 2016. If DH were still alive I would not be doing this, in fact I probably wouldn't have even done my first triathlon this year. In 2011 while he was on hospice we watched my brother complete this race. I think I said at the time it was so cool but I could never do it. But because he died and I was floundering I am doing it. Somehow last summer I decided completing an Ironman would help me focus and give me a purpose. I felt like I was just existing rather than living life fully. So I jumped in head first and here I am. I know he would be proud of me but it is so weird to think that knowing I wouldn't be doing this if he were still alive.

So happy to hear all is ok.

DH never would have married me if I wasn't 100% committed to not only him but his kids too. My view is when there are kids involved it is a complete package and if you can't commit to all of them then you need to really think about what you want because in the long run it probably won't be a good thing for any of you. A stepmom isn't the Mom but is certainly a mom-like figure and by the kids referring to you as stepmom it is obvious they see you that way. I can only imagine that this will wind up being a stressful situation for you.

4 years ago DH was finally home and in hospice...we watched the Women's World Cup together. Not nearly as much fun to watch by myself.