ManutesGirl

My least favorite phrase, and all variations of it!

Happens every year to me too. My 4 years is coming up in October. Sending widda love!

I'm so sorry Candace. No words...just know that I am thinking of you and praying for strength for you and your Dad.

Saturday I had to say goodbye to my beastie boy. He was quirky and full of personality. He was loyal, smart and protective. He was my dog first and tolerated DH. But then it all changed when DH got sick. He knew before we did and just like that his job was to be with DH. He always seemed to know when a crisis was going to happen even before DH started feeling awful. It got to the point that it was so obvious that he sensed things before we could even guess. One day while DH was on hospice beastie boy wouldn't leave the room at all. DH looked at me and said is your damn clairvoyant dog telling me that I'm going to die today? So many memories wrapped up here. It all jumbles together and I'm not always sure what I am grieving for.. I will miss him terribly. I'd love to hear stories about your four legged friends...

Sorry, but this whole thread is sort of creepy. People are free to come and go at any time. Tracking and calling out the people who seem to have disappeared is a bit much in my opinion. If a member seemed to be in distress and you are worried about them harming themselves then that is different. But to go because they need a break, this site isn't giving them what they need at this point, etc. is ok and should be able to be done without a lot of fuss. If they choose to announce it that is fine but if they just quietly we should respect that too.

That date for me is Jan 6th...hate that we have to deal with so many days that are hard.

As so many others have said it is an individual decision. I'm about 3.5 years out. I wore my wedding & engagement rings on my left hand for a little over two years. I switched them to my right hand at that point because I had an infinity ring made with DH's & my birthstones which I now where on my left ring finger. I used wedding money we had set aside to buy a piece of art - it is gorgeous, he wouldn't agree it's a piece of art but I think it is . For some people looking at their rings is upsetting but for me my wedding band makes me smile cause it reminds me of all the love we shared.

There's an organization that accepts donated wedding dresses and makes burial gowns for babies. I know there are a couple organizations that do this. Can't remember the name of the one I first heard about but I googled it and here is the link to one - www.littleangelgowns.org

I agree! It can't always be rainbows and unicorns.

I think there is a lot of good advice here. My addition to all the advice that has been given is to know that the ex, especially when children are involved, will always have some sort of impact on your relationship. There are great examples of those who are divorced that make it work well and there are lots of examples of the opposite. The ex's behavior isn't going to change just because he's in another relationship. That is something you need to make sure you can live with. To put it nicely DH had a challenging relationship with his ex. Because I have step kids it continues to impact my life, and not in a positive way.

Who knew that at 3.5 years out I could sometimes miss him more than earlier on.

Sad to hear this. Somewhat shocked by the extent of my reaction. I thought highly of Leslie. She will be missed.

It's been an eventful week here. I did my first triathlon on Sunday. A very hilly Olympic distance tri. I am a novice cyclist and the bike portion was so scary. I had to stop braking on the hills and just let go. It was terrifying but I did it. Overall I had a great day and had a lot of fun. Then I got in my car and the song "wish you were here" was playing. Waterworks. It is still so hard not being able to share my accomplishments with DH. Today I ran a half marathon that's a fundraiser for the cancer center where DH was treated. This was my 4th time running it and I finally conquered this very hilly course. Prior to today this was the site of my 3 slowest halfs. I felt great today and had a good time for me. I also had a chance to talk with DHs oncologist. First time I've seen him since we left the hospital for the last time almost four years ago. We both had a lot of respect for him and it was really nice talking to him. Oh, and strangely enough I heard that same song today...

Can I join you? It sounds like a wonderful weekend. But coming home after that was so hard for me the first year, and sometimes still is. Add to that the house stuff you have to do by yourself...ugh! That sounds like a good reason to whine to me!

Thanks everyone. My run this morning was awesome - guess I should cry myself to sleep the night before my next race Tomorrow will be the 4th birthday without DH. I have no plans other than swim & run in the morning and then work. Tonight I thought I have nothing for dinner tomorrow night. And even if I cooked a great meal I would have to clean up to and that just sucks. I hate that I have to figure out my own birthday meal and then no cake. Who would've thought at 48 that would bother you... Funny thing is we weren't huge birthday celebration people but it was always a day that we spent together. And I miss that so much. I know this is just another one of those waves and I will ride it and be ok. Now to hang on for the ride...

My birthday is this week. Of all the hard days this one is just the loneliest. In many ways this day magnifies my losses. Not just DH but our entire family. Step kids are no longer part of my life. Something about sharing your birthday with kids makes it a bit more fun. It's not the presents but about the special time we spent together...I miss feeling special to DH and the kids and being special to them.

Good workout weekend. Ran 13 miles yesterday in heat that I am not used to. Wanted to stop and walk the last 3 miles but was able to regain my focus and finish relatively strong. The mental aspect of training is in many ways more important than the physical and is something I've struggled with in races so this was a great win for me. And another one was I had my second road ride on my bike and did well. 20 miles with a three-peat of a .5 mile hill with almost 180 feet of elevation gain. I did well on the hill and by the end of the ride my speed was starting to be respectable. Still need to get some courage to go fast on the downhills. I did have an almost wipeout when I unclipped on one side and forgot my other foot was still clipped in. I did save myself from falling but have a huge bruise where the handlebar hit my thigh... And on another note and even more important - congrats to Bluebird on finishing her first half marathon in style! You rocked it!!!!

There is still one package of fish in the freezer from our last fishing outing. I know it will never be eaten but I just can't throw it out. He loved to fish. That was almost 4 years ago now...less than a month later he went into the hospital for the last time.

Love reading everyone's posts! Well, since I am drinking some wine tonight my workouts tomorrow might be a bit slower than normal. Biggest thing is I have my first triathlon in 3 weeks and I haven't been out on the road on my bike. I will admit I am scared. So the big thing this weekend is to force myself to go out both Saturday and Sunday. Wish me luck...the thought of being clipped in is scary!

Glass of malbec here...ok, second glass... Dinner was a Haitian pumpkin soup. Made it as a request for an oncology patient who's not doing well & his family. The recipe made a ton if you are in the area stop by - tastes good to me (although couldn't tell you if it tastes like it's supposed to)!

Great job CBB! Anxiety always is in full force when I go somewhere for the first time too. Did pretty good with my workout plan this week. Had my long run today...I don't suggest eating at Fatburger prior to running 10 miles

We bought a townhouse and had only planned on staying a few years. Then he got sick so here I am. When we first moved in we replaced the lovely kitchen floor (linoleum with pink flowers) with tile and then replaced the countertops with granite. But we still had the ugly old oak cabinets with even uglier hardware. I painted the cabinets and updated the hardware. Was half expecting to have to hire someone to repaint what I had but it came out great. Cabinet painting kit was only $90 - much cheaper than replacing the cabinets!

About 6 weeks after DH died my brother and I took trip. Started in Phoenix and met up with some high schools friends who took us hiking at some places in and around Phoenix, then to Sedona & Flagstaff. Stopped at Antelope Canyon on the way up to Utah. Then Bryce Canyon & Zion National Parks. Lots of good hiking and beautiful sites. We were gone just shy of 2 weeks. Was so peaceful.

At the church my 4 year old nephew looked at the casket and asked what was in that treasure chest. His Mom was sort of shocked but I still smile at that thought cause DH certainly was a treasure.

1. My kitchen floor is clean...really clean for the first time in a really long time. And I'm the one that cleaned it (I really need to hire a cleaning lady) 2. Had a great run this afternoon on one of the local trails...It's finally getting warmer and it was lovely to hear the frogs and birds. 3. After a rough 4-6 weeks I finally feel like I'm gaining balance again.