marjoe

I'm very sorry, Dragon Tears. I know this loss - Marsha

MMG - are you looking to sell the boys' clothes at a consignment shop or just shop at one? I've done both, but dependent on what you're trying to sell, it can be a slow go. As far as shopping, I'm a thrift store shopper all the way. I can't even remember when I shopped at a regular store. An LL Bean raincoat for $3? Converse hightops for $3?? Yeah, baby! I volunteer at one (supporting a domestic violence shelter & crisis hot line), one day a week and it's unbelievable seeing the quality of stuff that comes in. Can you tell I'm excited, lol?

Blessings to you, ATJ. The 8th anniversary (WTF!) is coming up in less than a month, and I can relate to so much of what you've said. I appreciate your thoughts - they put into words what I'm sometimes at a loss to say. Thank you!

April, I did this too, but did it on the cheap. I painted every room in my house over the years. I haunt thrift stores. I took what I had, but changed everything around, furniture, pictures, pillows - that alone seems to make a difference, in that it changed the way I looked at each room. Hmm. I seem to be using past and present verbs here at whim, but I guess it's because "it's" an ongoing process.

I absolutely agree. My humor these past few years has veered toward the snarky and dark (sometimes) and friends (and sometimes even strangers) who get it are priceless. I know this may sound strange and weird to wids early on, but...G-d, sometimes laughter and tears and one and the same.

1 to 6, Rob - don't even venture past them. The prequels and sequels written by Jr. have none of the heart and spirit that Frank Herbert brought to the table. And - I love that I have fellow sci-fi geeks here.

The whole Dune series, once again! It's better than the first time.

You know what got me? I got a lot of "so, are you moving back to NJ?" Like, what? I've been in NC for 20 years. The assumption was that I was in some kind of childlike state, unable to do for, or think for myself. That really pissed me off.

Mom- I can just speak from my own experience. Year 3? I was running on fumes. Did everything I thought I should do, everything I thought I could do - and it didn't seem to make a difference. I'm at almost 8 years now, and in looking back, I think...I think I thought I should be in a "better" place by that time. I put so much pressure on myself, I think that was anxiety producing in itself. (and this is me, not you! just rambling) And of course life's challenges add to it. I'd say - keep doing what you're doing, be cognizant of where you're at (and where you're at is just fine), and to paraphrase one of our old timers - be gentle on yourself. Marsha

PMS, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I had something similar happen, it's been 2 years now. My best friend cared for her husband for a year and a half with bone cancer, then - 6 months later, she died in her sleep. It's so hard. And I definitely understand what you're saying. Hugs, Marsha

Hugs to you! Yes, this is so very hard. And what I've come to think over the years (and helped by an essay Peggy A found and posted on YWBB) - grief is ugly. It's so intense that it frightens people. I get that, as I think I was one of those DGI people before being widowed. So I give people a pass on that - but I'll tell you, if I needed a hug I asked for one, and that's something friends, family, and sometimes, in my case, even strangers, are happy to give. Because it's something they CAN give. And of course, being on the forums - it was a lifeline to me in the early days. I hope for a peace-filled day for you - Marsha

I'm in. I'm feeling cranky, pissy and sad. It sucks. Even 5 hours straight of the Walking Dead didn't help, lol.

Hugs, Marian.

Dear Lord - please, put duct tape on well meaning people's mouths. Just sayin'. RemysWife, I've had these comments send me into a downer. But please, know that they a) don't know of what they're blathering, b) you're doing just fine - you're doing, you're living, you're thinking - and you're ok, right where you are. Really. Hugs, Marsha (don't let this get you down!)

I never judge peoples' food habits. I just sold my deli, but for the prior 7 years, at 6:15 (after working for 2 1/2 hours), I was starved - more times than not, ate a tuna or chicken salad bagel, or my fave, a three cheese bagel (melted) with jalapenos and pickles. Or a turkey sandwich. I'll eat more, and whatever appeals, in the morning than any other time of day. Ice cream? Cold pizza? Why not? Marsha

Oh, I totally get this. It was a similar experience for me. My husband and i were in business and I had to take over everything..with no preparation, nothing. And had to put on the "face" every day, as well. It was agonizing. I think autopilot explains it pretty succinctly. I had a conversation with my best friend, who lives 400 miles away, about this very thing. She recounted conversations we had just before he died, and I swear to G-d, I have no memory of them. I also was writing a weekly food story for a local newspaper - when I read them, now, I think - who in hell wrote this? My doppelganger? You don't have to have a point, TooSoon, you're just remembering and writing, as I am.

Sugarbell, you're not the only one. Except, now that I think on it, I don't think I've ever had a dream where Joe admits he's dead. It's always me (in a dream within the dream) who freaks out, thinking, omg, but you're dead! Frankly, he doesn't seem to give a shit whether he's dead or not. And you know, another thing that occurs to me - it really doesn't have a lot to do with NG. I mean, think on it - your life with DH stands on its own, so the dreams you have will follow that, don't you think?

Trying, I think the direction you're going in is truly a wonderful thing. My answers: At first, I didn't want anyone to even touch me. That was very early on - then, hugs were accepted, then appreciated, then they became the norm, and still are. Absolutely. I vividly remember eyeing up that bottle of xanaax...then calling my massage therapist (after a major meltdown) and scheduling a massage (this was at 2 or 3 months out). And I've done it regularly since then. Yes. Financial - at $80 a pop I can't have a massage as often as I would wish. I don't know. If I were to get a cold call, in the beginning, I think it just would have made me feel strange. I was lucky in that I had been going to my massage therapist for a number of years. But then again, word of mouth from someone I trusted, recommending someone? I don't think I would have been adverse. Good luck! Marsha

Seven plus years for me, and I know exactly what you're saying, Lost. There's a part of me, in my heart, where time has just frozen in 2008. Oh, G-d, how to explain. It's like - I look back at the Marsha pre death, and like Anniegirl said, it's like I was another person. And I'm so different now, and I'm still coming to grips with that at times. Because different can be hard. And I miss Joe.

Welcome back, AC! (and since I didn't have time to thank you then, thank you now for getting me from YWBB to here). Marsha

"Only in silence, the word Only in dark, the light Only in dying, life Bright the hawk's flight on the empty sky. "A Wizard of Earthsea"

Understood. I'm in the same kind of place.

I would say - don't feel badly about disposing of them. These are others' memories of your husband, not specifically yours. G-d, it sounds cold when I say it that way; I don't mean it to be so, but I understand what you're saying. I've kept all the cards. They're in a box which I've looked at probably 3 times in 7 years. I keep them because people wrote from their hearts and I cherish that. But aside from that, there are other things I've not kept. Hugs - Marsha

Very nice. Very well written. I'm half-way there!

Nicely said, mawidow - and very true, that.