marjoe

It's not off topic at all - I feel the same way. Except for me, it's downloading (on Amazon) every season of every Star Trek ever on tv. Yeah, I'm a geek. Whatever. What these shows do is take me away for a while, like a good book does. It feels good to get out my own universe, into someone else's, sometimes.

I wear his t shirts when I'm home. It makes me feel good. I remember my Mom would wear my Dad's socks at home (I'm sure for the same reason).

"I don't have a stepping off option..." (and the rest of that paragraph.) Oh, yes. You've said it perfectly. I have sweet friends who are there for me, but at the end of the day, it's on me. To do whatever I need or have to do. I'm not whining, really I'm not. I have single and divorced friends who deal with this crap, too. It's just that - to have been loved and supported, and returned it in kind, now it's so different. Today's 7 years. Crap.

I'm going for the paranormal. But that's just me.

There's nothing to be forgiven for - you're human. I've felt similarly - year six and I'm feeling similar feelings (resentment, anxiety, general pissiness) that I felt in years one and two. Well, maybe two. One I was a freaking zombie. ((Hugs)), Lost!

I was told I could start collecting at 60 - 71% (approximately) of Joe's SS.

I get it. Seven years in a month, and those memories are with me. I've said this before and I'll say it again - there are some memories that never, ever, soften with time. There's nothing about a terminal sentence and watching my husband die that will ever get "better". Hugs to you, CMF.

And me, too, at 7 years out.

The guy needs a blow up doll.....

Happy Birthday, Euf! I understand what you're saying, but - I look at my friends, my family, all are growing older right along with me...and the thing is, it doesn't matter. I love them for who they are. You're still YOU. Why would your DH feel any differently?

One main one in my living room, and one lil' old fat boy upstairs in the second bedroom. This one (with accompanying vcr's is for when the cable goes out, which it does, not infrequently).

HELL, yeah.

I'm so sorry about your friend - I lost mine a year and a half ago, very sudden. I miss her so much. Like your friend, she was my rock when Joe died. And what you say about your husband, the fear, the missing - the fact that it stays with us - yeah, I get that, too, very well. It will be 7 years in July for me. Sometimes (a lot of times) I think - time means absolutely nothing with regards to my heart, to how I feel. Hugs to you - marsha

This sounds very human to me, ATJ.

The first few months, I got a lot of "OMG, I can't even imagine it." Ok, so it's fellow humans musing. Years later, I get that. But at the time, I thought to myself, shit, I don't have to imagine, I'm living it. And you're secure from this happening to you? What this comment made me feel was alienated from the rest of humanity.

Let's see....hmmm. Phone phobia, big time. Technology - I mean, I've installed Roku, a new tv, update our business web site, Quickbooks - yet I still feel like all my electronics are actually sentient beings out to get me. Wow...I really sound weird.

My funeral director is a friend. No problem with her seeing Joe naked, or me either, whenever that happens. She was professional and caring - and a lovely woman. And thank G-d for that - it made things a little easier, I have to say.

Hugs, Barney. I hope the darkness lifts for you. I know that place very well. And...maybe Dexter was a little too much, you know?

ATJ, ah...you've expressed pretty much everything that's in my head. How do you do this?? Ok, here's mine. I've kept my/our business going for almost 7 years. A huge freaking learning curve, which actually mirrored my grieving process, now that I think on it. It's been for sale for 3 years. I love it, I've owned it and give it 100%, but there's a bittersweet emotion about the whole freaking thing. This year (year 7) has been extremely tough - I don't know why exactly. Because I think I'm ready for something else but it scares the shit out of me? Yet there's an undercurrent of maybe, maybe I can do...whatever, that's also there? I think I'm asking more than I'm answering - Marsha

If you try to change the channels on your tv with your cell phone and - then wonder why the heck nothings happening. If you double, then triple check to make sure everything is off before you head off to work. And make sure the key is in your hand before you lock the door behind you. If you talk to yourself like a therapist. And then answer yourself.

Carey - I think my whole second year was variations on "WTF happened??". It truly sucks, but it's "normal". Marsha

Thank you guys, for your responses. I wanted to add something as well - I couldn't read a thing for at least the first year and a half. Nada. Just couldn't concentrate or focus on a storyline at all. I would get books out of the library and return them unread. It was disturbing and frightening to me, as I had been an avid reader all my life. And then - it slowly came back. I just wanted to say this in case any one earlier on is reading... Munsen - I was a huge Stephen King fan and got turned off - didn't read anything of his for many years. However - I highly, highly recommend 11/22/63. It's awesome, combining history (he did a a lot of research for this one) and the supernatural, in a way that only King can do it. Marsha

I've always been a sci fi geek, but not in books - that changed a few years ago when I first read the Hunger Games. Off to the races - then all the Harry Potters, Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings, Dune series - nothing like waiting 10 or 50 years until the books have been written to read them, lol. But this is my question: I am loving these series, because they take me out of myself, and also, in a good way, cause me to question, to think, to imagine. Does anyone else feel that reading fantasy/sci/fi takes you out of yourself, in a good way? Or not even that, but in a different way?

Just a combo of both our names. Used IRL before death, also - so I guess I used it initially as a comfort name.

It's very good to see you here, ATJ.