imissdow

This week I would have been married 12 years. I got 6 with him. My older girls remenber him fondly my youngest makes up memories of him. I've been told this is normal and not to worry about it. He rarely comes up in conversation anymore. i think of him often but on a day to day basis other things keep me occupied. Our life together was forever ago. My kids are now 20,18 and 11. Growing up quickly with some good guy friends teaching them to drive and so general car maintaince. I have been blessed. Some days I feel sad that I don't remember more then I do. Yet time ticks on, and we contuine to live. In the early days I never thought I would get to the point were my thoughts didn't run away to him. Yet almost 6 years later and here I am.

Ring off around 4 months wore his on my left hand for probally the next 2 years. Started dating at 8 months it was way to soon. Quit for awhile and started again about 18 months out.

Typically I'm good meeting within a 2 weeks, often less. Last guy I met just a little over a week after starting to message. I almost always suggest a meeting and plan it out several days in advance. Once I express this I expect a guy to run with it, most do.

So happy for both of you!! Couldn't happen to nicer people! Congrats!!

Hey y'all I have some wid friends IRL and else where that are planning on meeting for dinner at hooligians in Hershey March 10 at 7:00. It's been awhile sense we have bagoed. I would love to see all of you and catch up. So excited hope you can come!

I laughed when I saw this come up again. 3 weeks later and this guy is now my boyfriend. Talk to him almost every night for a couple of hours. He was smart. After he told me he was going to hide his profile we went on a few more dates and then he brought it up again. He might be more sure of this then I am (just guessing from a few comments) but he's giving me enough space and isn't in a rush for me to commit to anything more then seeing him again. As he said "I have some stuff to work on first " and he does. This feels really different then anyone else. I'm more comfortable and relaxed with him then all the other guys I've dated.

Portside, you have a knack for saying it like it is. Typically I would agree with your assessment and I need to remember that kids are more black and white in their thinking. I think kids can sense/figure out what type of relationship platonic/sexual, boyfriend/girlfriend you have without you telling them. I think that also plays a part in how soon you go from ok to player/tramp. I know my oldest and youngest don't remotely consider me either of those things in part because no one made it past a kiss. In a perfect world yes my girls would only meet the guy I end up having a long term permeant relationship with. The reality is regardless of if I wanted them to meet some of the guys I dated they did because we are in similar social circles, they would have or did meet prior to me dating them. My house hardly has a revolving door for men. However maybe I should talk to her about this. She has told me before that she doesn't want to see me get hurt again, in her words"Dowie death almost killed you mom" not hardly but it sure did seem that way at the time. So maybe she doesn't see it as worth the risk. I however do.

My middle DD has never been a fan of me dating. After the last few failed attempts I had decided I would wait until she left for college to make anymore attempts at meeting someone. She is a senior so should head off in Augest . I had given myself a deadline of Jan 1 and was planning on hiding my accounts online. So a guy contacts me I say what the heck and meet him, a month later were dating. All of my kids were gone and he was over at my house for the first time. Fixed a light in my youngest DDs room for me. The girls came home from their event about 30 minutes earlier then normal and met NG. Not exactly as I had planned but everyone of them knew I was seeing him well they were gone. The oldest and youngest were ok with this the middle one was clearly unhappy. Oddly enough she was also the one who had been asking when she was going to meet him. So NG heads home shortly there after and middle DD and I have a chat. I needled her a little because she just really doesn't want to tell me what's up. So I give her a few options as to why she might not like me dating. Come to find out she thinks I'm cheating on LH. Tells me she found a verse in the bible that says I'm not allowed to date. When I ask her to show it to me she can't produce it and instead I show her a couple of verses that tell me it's fine for me to date and maybe even get remarried. We talked about judging people, talked about how much she hates it when she is judged. Talked about my promise that I was not going to change our living situation or even agree to it before she is off to college. Told her she doesn't get to pick who I date any more then I get to pick whom she will date. I would do like for her to be open about my dating and maybe even remarrying . NG and I are in no great hurry, we have talked about what type of relationship we both want down the road. Were on the same page but that's about were it all ends, neither of us is ready for more. I relize I don't need her permission or approval for any of this. I also know she can be a real witch about things. It would be easier and much less stressful if she would accept it. I'm hoping as she gets to know him she will be better about it. Most of the time I wish my oldest was more drive and focused like her sister. In this case I'm wishing middle DD was more like the other 2. My oldest and I have talked about the fact that none of them were pleased with the last guy I dated. However she said,"I figured you would see it if you had more time, and that's exactly what happened" I don't really expect any of you to have a solution for me. NG and I have talked about it and we're going to slowly plan so family type stuff to do together so everyone can get to know each other. I'll need to give middle DD plenty of warning so she isn't surprised. I know a lot of people think you shouldn't introduce a guy to your kids untill you know it's serious. I can't say I disagree with this idea however with the strong personalities in my house and the fact that the last guy had huge issues with how I was raising my girls. If it's not going to work I would rather know that upfront. I also think theirs a huge difference in meeting vs building a relationship with. My girls are older, little kids are a different matter. No one thinks twice about introducing their kids to their friends, not sure why it becomes such a issue when you start dating.

Oh yes, I remember the professional cuddlers. I told a couple of guys about it at work and one of them told me it was to much money he could get more for less. TMI I really didn't want to know how exactly he knew that. I doubt I would go, I have personal space issues, I keep thinking I should go get a massage yet, the idea of a stranger touching me stresses me out, as much as I would love the physical contact.

Yes you need to file a final return. If he gets money back its yours. If he had to pay, the irs will still want it.

Signed my girls up a couple of years ago thanks to Toosoon's post. One of the best things I could do for my kids. They get a week at camp with other kids that get it and I get a week free of parenting. A huge win win. Camp is great, my kids are signed up again. I have nothing but good things to say about this camp and the college students who run it.

I'm excited for all of you. My dad was a college prof and I remenber his job searches and such. We moved several times. It's tough but I think it will be good for all of you! I sold my house almost a year ago now. It was horridly hard to leave the place I had met ,married, raised my youngest and then lost my LH. However looking back it was also one of the best things I could have done. My memory's came with me but I no longer look around and visualize him in every room. It took quite awhile for me to feel at home in my new place and there are still days I miss my old house. However my heart feels lighter and I've made some new friends along the way. You ,Andy and the kids will have a great new start! Happy for everyone!

I did a meet the other day. Agreed that for the a meet the requirements are few. For me they need to have a job, and I need to feel that I will be safe and that I can actually talk to them. I actually don't consider that even a date. The goal of a meet is to decide if you like each other enough to want to spend several hours with them. I will agree on up to 3 dates before I start figuring out if this is someone I can see myself with long term. My criteria prior to that is is this a person I would like as a friend/ wold be comfortable having my kids around. Not that they meet my kids but rather are they the type I could. I've found for me the first question is do I like them enough to see if we have common goals/ values and can enjoy enough to want to see each other more. After about 2 months I start asking myself if I can see a future with guy in question. Most guys don't make it to this point. I also would lose guy #1. Go on a date with 2&3, you might just find that you don't even need to think about it. I've discovered that what I think I want doesn't necessarily translate into a good fit for me. It's more about personality then What type of job they have or What activities they enjoy.

Sunshine: It was cool to see a post from a year ago and to think back on where I am now. My kickboxing class netted me 1 female contact, much younger then me but we can chat. I ended up switching to boxing and met another lady my age, and a couple of guys almost as young as my kids. I'm now in a combat fitness class. However my youngest started karate at the same place, met several parents whom I can chat with and 4 men closer to my age who if nothing else are comfortable enough to chat with. It's a great group! Had a Christmas party and planning a get together for summer. I moved in May. I love my new neighborhood and have a few new friends I picked up along the way. Still haven't found my next great love however I have a second date with a guy I'm finding very easy to talk to and for a change I'm having fun with it. If you had told me 6 years ago that I would be comfortable meeting a stranger for coffee or dinner and getting to know them I would have thought you were nuts. I do that fairly often now. I meet people all the time some times we share a joke and a smile, doesn't matter if I meet them once or a dozen times. I have a much larger circle of friends and acquaintances then ever.

Last year I dated 2 different guys, I didn't get serious really with any of them although one could say the guys were serious about me. First guy I dated for about 4 months I'm convinced our schedule issues are what made it last that long. We only had about 10-12 dates in 4 months. couldn't commit at all, had a hard time saying the word girl-friend although he told me he was looking for a serious LTR . I didn't really see things going any farther then it had so we parted ways. Next guy I had known for about 3 years thru my job, we didn't work for the same company but saw each other 2-4 days a week and talked often. Dated him for 6 weeks. He told me on date 3 he planned on marrying me. I told him it was way to early to have that discussion. He waited a couple of weeks and started again and that was why we broke up. Took me untill the week of Christmas to convince him I was serious and I wasn't going to date him. One of his co workers told me he could be a little obsessive after we started dating, I found that to be true ,should have asked him earlier. I had a few dates with a couple of other guys that never amounted to anything. I had kind of decided i wasnt going to date untill my middle DD went off to school in the fall. It's her senior year and she's the same kid that has the most issues with me dating. However I had talked to a guy and had arranged a meet that he canceled with plenty of warning. He asked to reschedule I told him after Christmas, so I decided to keep my account open so that could happen and planed on deleting /hiding after New Years. So , another guy contacted me and he had several things I was looking for. So we met on Tuesday spent almost 3 hours talking, told me he wanted to take things slow He felt women we rushing things to much. Agreed we would like to see each other again. Talked to him last night he has hidden his profile, told me I was the first gal he had met that made him want to. I "meet" people well, most guys ask me on dates after, Second and 3rd dates are another matter. I've been told that I'm not easily impressed, that I guard my heart, that I'm very deliberate in who I choose to allow in my life. I don't see any of those things as bad , however the people who told me this didn't mean them as complements. So I'm slightly bothered by him hiding his profile. I'm certainly not ready to make any more of a commitment past, wanting to talk/have another date. Maybe I'm over reacting, maybe I'm reading more into this then I should. I don't know I feel like I need talked off the ledge.

I have 3 kids 14,12& 5 when he died. We did a family grief group like others here discribed for 18 months. My middle DD had a therapist for 6 Months, my oldest tried several and couldn't find a good fit, found out she has adhd so that probally explains that. My youngest now almost 11 seems to need some support(grandma is dying of the same cancer dad had) so we are headed back to the family group in February. I did therapy as well for 6 months. I found it extremely useful for all of us. You do need to find the right person so if the first doesn't work try another. Your school might have resources, I would start there.

I'm not exactly a people person. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy being with my friends or I can't have a good time. Rather it means I get my engery from being alone. From quiet. Knowing this has helped me understand why I react the way I do and how to manage things. Durning the holidays that are normally packed with friends, family and stuff I find I need to recharge. I go to my room, my kids have learned not to bug me, in part because I'm usally nicer when I return. In crowds I tend to find a quieter spot or at least one with a natural barrier so that I'm out of the crowd. So I also schedule my times with family with large gaps in between. This year I went to my in-laws Christmas Eve just for a hour. then home Christmas Day and then Monday with my parents just about 3 hours . Typically these would be spread out over a week or so, this year it didn't work thankfully I had already done Christmas with my friends. I have 1 more to do but that won't be till after New Years. For me happy times wear on me because they are filled with people. I like it that way but I also know I need down time also. I'm much happier if my celebrations are with 6-8 people rather then 20+.

I typically try to set up a meet in a week or so. However I do try to ask some questions to weed out guys who are heck no! I had a meet set up with a guy 2 weeks ago. He canceled and asked to rescheduled, told me he was having surgery. I told him to contact me after Christmas. We will see if he does. I've come up with a general list that I ask in random order. I ask about church because a person with no belief is a no go for me. What's your idea of a perfect vacation, who would you go with and what would you do? If you could have dinner and just dinner with anyone dead or alive who would you pick and why? What type of relationship do you have with your parents and extended family? Do you get together often? Are you a risk taker in what ways? If you have a whole day with nothing planned how would you spend it? At some point I ask so general questions about kids and their ages and if they live at home. I also check my assumptions and ask their status and who they live with. I may or may not get to all of these, depends on how long I e-mail prior to meeting being that we usally exchange a couple of emails a day. Even if we do meet within a week.

Just before my LH died I signed up for a dance class. 5 years later I still do it. I'm still not very good but it's fun and gets me out of the house. I now also take kickboxing/boxing and I really enjoy that also. I tried theater thinking I would like that, umm no. I tried getting involved with my kids activies, found out I didn't like that. So I go to the gym and run. I think I'm trying quilting again this winter. I need something to do in the evenings when the kids are in bed . knitting, crochet or tying things in knots is just not my thing.

So I went to see my MIL today. We've never been exactly close but I do go see her every 6-8 weeks. The last time I went she had a doctors appointment the following week to check on her cancer. She had been in treatment for pancreatic cancer for About at that point. Well today she tells me that she is having another round of chemo. They found a new tumor at the same place as the one they surgically removed. I don't expect her to be around for next Christmas. Probally not even my middle DD graduation. It's hard enough to visit as is, it's been harder watching her go thru what my LH went thru. I hate this! MIL is almost 80. So she's not exactly young. That being said its still difficult .

I totally agree! I hate dating. It feels more like a chore then it should. It should be fun, sadly I'm finding my "hang time" on dating is becoming shorter and shorter. I'm tired of being alone and tired of dating. (Sigh)

I'm 5'9" I gave up on wearing heels decades ago because of this. My first husband was 6'4" my LH was 5'10" if you could get him to stand up straight. He had broke his back several times and had probally a foot of his back all fused together. The guys I date now are typically my height. I would like a taller guy but it's not a deal breaker. As a 49yo I find the guys who want to date me are 56-65 . The lack of engery is a huge issue. I love movies but I don't want to sit and watch them all the time. That and dinner out seems to be all that most of these guys can handle. Really, mini golf, bowling, a nice walk, or something more active is way to much? I just don't get it!

Sometimes just asking is enough. Had a guy give me his number it was a philly area code. My one of my sisters live there so I recognized it right away. I asked about it he told me he had moved. I asked a question about what his favorite place to visit was. It took awhile for him to get back to me and then he picked a well known tourist trap. Sooo did you google that? If you put a phone number in the search box for Facebook, can bring up their profile. Had a it guy tell me this after he found out my last name and were I lived. Was a tad creepy!

Omg! I just checked my message requests on Facebook. Earlier this week I deleted a friend request from a guy in Pakistan. He also sent me a message request and a marriage proposal. Even included a phone number. Oh my!! That's the second marriage proposal this year!

For whatever reason this year is feeling harder then the last few. I supect it's because of all the changes in the past year finally feeling more permeant. I moved, the girls changed schools, life feels really different. My sister, the only one who lives in state has a new boyfriend. She hadn't dated in 6-8 years. So she now been seeing this guy for about 6 months. Nice guy I really like him, however my biggest issue is he's seperated but still married. My parents don't know this if they did it would not go over well. My sister is taking a trip to Belize with him for Christmas. Sounds like fun I really hope she has a good time. However that also means that I get to do Christmas alone with my parents. Just for some reference my parents came to my house for thanksgiving. My dad said hello, ate dinner with out talking to anyone then put his coat on and sat in the living room with the dog untill my mom was ready to go. My mom did talk some and played a game of apples to apples with my girls before heading home. So if my sister isn't around I basically have no one to talk to. My sister and I have become pretty close we text durning the week and generally spend a hour or two on the phone every week. Life just feels really hard right now. I can't really put my finger on anything specific but I'm feeling rather off balance. Yes I moved but I still have the same friends. I still go to the same job,church, and gym. I started dating yet again but that has resulted in nothing but some frustration. I did start boxing/kickboxing classes but that would hardly explain this growing off kilter feeling. Anyways not sure why I'm posting this, maybe just so I can read it and figure out if I'm normal.