imissdow

Are you on Facebook? I have friends who ask for help all the time on there. Granted it's usually not personal however some times it is. The few times I have gone that route someone unexpected usually stepped up. My car was stolen and I needed a ride to the dealership to get my replacement. A friend who lived 15 mins away drove over picked me up and dropped me off. I've posted a few other things and usually someone comes thru. It saves me asking and I have a much wider circle then I would ever call and ask anyways. I do have a few friends I call all the time. I also see them socially and will have them over for dinner every so often.

Married my first after a 1 1/2 years. It was horrid. Met my LH married him a year after we started dating. Would have done it quicker but I had 2 kids who needed some time to get to know him. I think it all depends. I have a good friend who married 3 months after they met. Great couple married 20 years now. Don't know that I would jump in that quick I'm rather Gun shy at this point. But who knows maybe the right guy will come along and I'll go for it.

Thanks guys, I talked to him today and invited him to lunch on Saturday. He seemed pleased with the offer. It's the only time I could make it work this weekend. He's having dinner with his sister and breakfast tomorrow with a friend. Sounds like he will be celebrating all weekend.

About 6 weeks ago I posted about a guy I had met who lives almost a hour from me. I decided to take a chance and start seeing him. Met at a pizza place and spent 4 hours chatting. Date 2&3 we stayed till the restaurant closed. Our last date was shorter , 4.5 hours because I had to pick up a kid. For some reason he still hasn't tried to kiss me. I get a hug and that's it. We haven't talked about being exclusive and I'm not quite sure what to think about all this. So his birthday is this weekend and I'm not sure what to do. If he was my boyfriend i would figure out a gift for him. However I still don't know him really well and being that I really don't know our status I'm not sure what's appropriate. Any thoughts?

My middle dd got her permit last year. I got some friends to teach her to drive and then when they told me she was good I started taking her out. I tried to do it myself and both of us ended up in tears. The regulations for her were 40 hours and 6 months. I told her from the beginning that she would be logging extra hours and wasn't getting her license for a year. Insurance is expensive and at that point there was no good reason she needed to drive. She blew out her knee before Christmas so we're now just getting her back to driving and 1 1/2 years later were scheduling her test. Knowing that she was allowed and the time was coming had helped her be more willing to wait. I also told her she needed to pay for her insurance so that slowed her down some.

Put my house on the market a few weeks ago. Had a offer on it in 4 days. Got asking price and I'm thrilled with that. Really didn't expect it to go that fast. My home is far from typical for this neighborhood. It has been completely rehabbed over the 13 years I have lived here. Even so I expected it to be a few months. Got the lady who is buying my home to rent it back to me for a month so my girls can finish the school year. We are moving out of district so I will need to drive them for the last couple of weeks. Put a offer in on a different house on what's known to the locals as the west shore. Only down side is a freight train runs right thru town and basically in the back yard of the house I like. Owners are out of the country and I won't know about my offer till probably Saturday. I now have 10 weeks to pack up my house and move. Amazingly I was more stressed about buying a car that cost less then a tenth of the house I'm buying. Excited, scared, nervous and just a little overwhelmed.

I have been talking to a really cool guy for about a month now he lives about a hour from me. We met on-line. We had one date just over a week ago,rescheduled from the massive snowstorm we had the week before. lasted 4 hours it would have been longer but I had to pick up a kid. We have texted or talked every day sense. Last weekend he had a family birthday party to go to a hour in the opposite of me direction from his house. This coming weekend is my 10yo's birthday and she has had a sleepover with 2 of her friends planned for months. So I'm not free. Plan is to get together for a second date the following weekend. We have already had most of the talks that result in deal-breakers for me. He works nights 11-7 sometimes 6 days a week. I work days 6-1ish m-f. So basically I can only ever see him on a weekend if he's not working and my kids have nothing going on. I'm trying to figure out if this can even work. How do you date a guy who's far enough away to make seeing him next to impossible? How do you keep a connection when it could be weeks between dates? I have dated guys who lived a ways from me but usually we had someplace that we typically always saw each other at wither that was church,work, or some social thing on a weekly if not more often basis. I will never just bump into this guy, we run in totally different areas. I do realize it's really early, one date hardly makes us a couple. But I guess I'm trying to figure out if it's worth giving it a shot or if I should just quit now before I get hurt.

love this. Sometimes stuff like this just help me make sense of what I went thru as if maybe it was so I could help someone else. that is so cool.

So tonight I head out for my first ever kickboxing class. I'm really hoping that there are a couple of people at this class that I feel comfortable talking to. I know the instructor she was my trainer when I first started going to the gym a year ago. I told her I wanted a class for fitness and for some adult time. She assures me that this is a good place for that. I have taken dance classes, gone to a grief group, did a stint at the local theater, joined a gym did meetup groups for a while and joined a couple of groups at my church. I even got involved in my DD's marching band and color guard for a year or two. I have met a lot of women but not a lot of guys. I did on-line dating and met a lot of the wrong type guys and a couple of nice ones. To be quite honest I'm really rather sick of meeting people. I have a hard time remembering names unless you did something that makes me remember you. I have no interest in most sports, I'm not into bars and somehow I'm thinking quilting and dancing will just net me more women friends. I'm now on e-harmony and that's looking like a waste of my 45$. on the flip side I don't have a in box full of "do you want to meet for sex" e-mails. In all my pictures I am fully dressed so it's not like I'm sending that type of message. So we do you go to meet men that they won't think I'm looking for a hook up?

This is something I have dealt with for a long time. Most people think I'm very confidant but really there was a ton of emotion hiding behind it. I have PSTD. Probably had it for years then when My LH died and I got robbed at work it spun totally out of control. Generally I feel pretty good if I stay in my safe little bubble of home, work the grocery store and other types of places where I feel in control. Crowds still bother me as do anything new. I started running, In part because I knew winter was coming and I get depressed, partly because my new self defense plan is to take off like a bat out of hell if I don't feel safe. Now I also lift, and I'm going to give kickboxing a try. When I can't get out it makes a huge difference in how I feel. I also do bilateral stimulation if I feel like I'm really getting out of control. In my case I cross my arms and tap my biceps. You could google it. Trying to do it just keeps my brain occupied and then I can usually calm down. When I travel I always stay at the same hotel. Typically the first trip I don't sleep at all but by the second or third I'm good. I actually have a trauma therapist with whom I did EDMR therapy and it helped a ton. She tells me that I was unusual because when I came in I told her what exactly my trauma was and I was actually coping pretty well by her standards. This by no means makes me feel like things are going the way I want them to. I still don't see the future I really want however most of the time I do feel like I can cope with most of what come my way.

I have done a lot with my kids. We have traveled, gone camping, done day trips and the like. It really depends on how old your kids are. I have 2 older and then a much younger and their all girls. When My DH first died the youngest was 5 and the older 2 were 12 and 14. I traveled with my 2 older girls alone when they were 2&4. Probably the best advice I could give you is to have a plan a and a plan b and try not to get to worked up if neither of those work. I found that most people were pretty accommodating when they saw me traveling with 2 little kids. You can request pre-boarding if you choose to fly. If you drive plan lots of stops and for it to take forever. When I travel I get a suite with a bedroom for me. That way I don't Have to go to bed or sit in the dark when the kids are done for the day. At the very least I can watch a movie or read a book. I also made a point of telling my girls that we all would take turns doing what we considered fun and I got a turn as well. Granted most of the vacation was geared around them but I did get to do a few things that were more Adult type fun. When this happened I simply talked to them about what stuff we had done that was fun for them and then told them it was my turn to have fun. They whined a little but in the end accepted that it was my turn. Now that they are older 10, 17&19 we still take turns with what we consider fun and for the most part all of us accommodate each other.

There are people you meet and wonder why they are single. Then there are other people you meet and they tell you right off the bat. This guy is the latter, hes single because he has no empathy and compassion. Your better off without him. I also second everyone else. I hate dating , My Dh was perfect for me and I still miss him 4+ years later.

I would love to see everyone and Saturdays are boring now that my middle DD isn't doing guard. I willing be looking for a post!

Ugh!! I hate this! My younger sister is similar. She wines and cries about how hard her life is yet she makes easily 2-3x what I do. Has a stay at home husband and 2 kids. They take nice vacations, Have a much larger home in a nice area. Last time we spoke at any length she wined about how she was a "single mother" for a weekend as he husband was away. I told her what I thought about how hard she had it. I don't think she has called me since.

Knowing a lot of people in healthcare. Doctors nurses and such. I asked a few of them. They all concurred, If his eyes were yellow last month when he went to the doctors and the doctors said he was fine then his doctor is a idiot. More likely his eyes just turned yellow in the last week or 2 and that goes right along with him telling me his mom and Dad had just noticed it. So yes I'm still concerned and being that I see him everyday via work I'm hoping one of these days he will come over and thank me for pushing the issue. Not going to bank on it but would be nice.

Lots of areas have a first time home-owners loans and classes. If you can find a good real estate guy they should be able to steer you in the right direction. When I bought my homes I used a buyers agent. It was great, he helped with finding a good area for me financing and he is paid buy the seller thru closing costs. The good part is he was working at finding me the right house. All Realtor have access to the multi-list and can show you any house that is on the market. They also have a lot of knowledge if your willing to listen and ask questions.

So earlier this week I posted about a new guy I had meet and had really clicked with. Things were feeling like I might just actually have a good guy friend. I had coffee with him the other day after work and before my girls got home. So as were sitting across the table from each other I looked deeply into his brown eyes and realized they were yellow. The same hue that I saw in my DH's eyes right before he went to the doctor and found out he had pancreatic cancer. UGH!!! So after looking a few more times he left. I called him and asked him about going to the doctor and if he realized his eyes were yellow. He told me he was act the doctors last month and he was fine, thank you for your concern. He thinks his eyes are yellow because he needs new glasses. He has no clue. I pressed the issue and now he thinks I'm crazy. I did a lot of research when my DH first got sick so I am aware that this guy could have other issues. However none of them are very good and all of them end in a pain filled future and a much shortened lifespan. I can't handle watching another person go thru this. I'm already watching my MIL battle a pre-cancerous mass on her pancreas. Between the two I'm now having flash backs. Ugh! this is something that never even entered my mind I would be dealling with in the wonderful world of dating.

Last week I had a guy stand me up for a coffee date. He had messaged me on a on-line dating site and we had agreed to meet. He asked me for a body shot I told him no, there was one on my profile and I didn't have a new one. He asked for my height and weight and decided I was fat. So I went into work the next day having gotten over my annoyance and now thinking how funny this experience was. So one of the guys I talk to regularly stopped by my area to say hello. I related my story to him. He looked me up and down and replied. "this guy has never seen you, were did you find him?" I told him no and online. He reply's " I see, why don't you quit this on-line stuff and date me." I think I gave him the deer in the headlights look and muttered some lame response. We talked about dating for another minute and he walked away only to return a minute later. He asked if we could be friends and start talking outside of work. We exchanged phone numbers and went back to our assigned tasks. We have talked every day since. He told me that he asked me out almost 2 years ago and I totally blew him off, and I told him he was to young he's 40 I'm 48. I don't know were any of this is going. I do know that I really enjoy talking with him. He's makes me think, doesn't let me steamroll over him , is open and comfortable to talk to and is very thoughtful of my situation and my kids. He came over this afternoon and had coffee with me before my girls got home from school. He is the first guy I have met that really felt like all the cylinders were firing. I have dated a few guys some even lasted a couple of months. The last was my butcher friend and although he was very comfortable, made me laugh and treated me well he also wasn't looking for a girlfriend. I'm finally feeling like maybe I won't be alone for the rest of my life. I don't know were all this is leading but I decided to take a chance and enjoy the ride.

Please continue to post and I echo mikes comments. Call your therapist. Tell her what you said her and please find some help. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Wish you were close enough that I could come and help you.

So anyways I decided to text him set up a meet. Was suppose to meet for coffee today. He's a runner as am I. I also lift a couple times a week and deliver freight for the last 16 years. In our conversation he asked me how tall I was and what I weigh. Also asked for a body shot. I told him there was one on my profile. There"s actually 2 one of me crossing the finish line at a 5K and another of me in my running attire. They are about a year old. I started lifting in January of last year. So from my height and weight he decided I was fat and choose to stand me up. I texted him about 15mins after we were suppose to meet. He asked for a body shot. I told him no and called him on his rude behavior. He said I've been burned before. I said so have I and I still have manners your loss, I'm hot. I am 5'9" and weigh 180. I can wear a size 8 or 10. I'm far from fat. I'm so much better off without him. He showed his true colors pretty early. However It still stings. Dating Sucks.

So today after church I'm in the parking lot talking to a Evan. We are good friends and have gone out to dinner a few times, over the past year. So my youngest 9yo DD comes up and says to me. "mommy didn't you say you wanted a date with Evan" I replied that no I don't think I had said that. So I talked with her about her desire for a new daddy. Told her that would take some time to happen if ever. Evan seemed to take this all in stride. We talked for a few more minutes. Laughed about my DD putting me in a awkward situations. Oh my gosh!! Will this ever end! This kid has a knack for catching me off-guard with her comments. I wish I could make it stop. I guess I should be glad she didn't come up and make any comments about us kissing. She did that last month in front of one of my girlfriends.

So I decided to try another stint on-line. I've had a few guys message me. When I started doing the on-line thing 3-4 years ago I would usually get a message send a few e-mail back and forth plan a meet maybe talking on the phone prior but maybe not. If we got along well we would exchange phone numbers and carry on . Lately it seems I get messages like I would like to talk more with you text me and a number. If I just got one message like this I really wouldn't think much about it but it seems like every other first message is something like this. Is this the new norm? I was chatting with my sister last night and she suggested I do a reverse search on my phone to see what info I could find. My number is my DH's old business number, I kept his phone number to close up shop when he died and I have kept it. So his business information came up. Just to see what would happen I also did a reverse search on one of the numbers I was given. I got a name address, license plate and vin number. I was just a little surprised with how much information came up. So do you give out your phone number early and feel safe about it or wait until you get a feel for who your talking to. I got a new phone for Christmas and can now block numbers so that helps but I still haven't decided how to handle all this.

All 3 of my girls got me Christmas gifts. My youngest beaded necklaces and bracelets for her sisters and I. She got some help from her godmother the weekend she spent at her house. My older 2 got some nice gifts for everyone, some they made themselves others they bought. The oldest now has a almost fulltime job so she actually has a fair amount of money to spend and she bought everyone really nice gifts. She is the kid that in years past has been questionable in her choices of appropriate gifts. Most of the time she would wait till the last minute and just get something odd or very cheap. A few years ago I kind of made a big deal out of the fact that my kids had forgotten about me. It was the first mothers day and it was bad to begin with. They didn't so much as make me a card. I told them I was hurt that the one of the few days of the year they were to think of me they hadn't. I think I even made a big deal out of going to my room crying. After that I started asking rather pointed questions. Like "your mom's birthday is next week what are you going to do for her birthday?"It was weird for all of us. I got lots of comments like I have no money,I can't get to the store, I don't know what to do..etc. So we talked about that. It's not about how much money you spend but rather about being thoughtful and about how they could do that with the resources they have. I still ask the questions and sometimes need to tell them what I would like or expect and/or run them to the store. This year they ordered everything off amazon and I got some lovey thoughtful gifts.

So today my oldest DD calls blubbering. He bio-dad is in the hospital with blood clots in his lungs. He was admitted last night and she got a call from someone from his church. So I took her to the hospital to see him. First time I have been back to that hospital. It's the one my DH spent 3 weeks in. My MIL has a mass on her pancreas. It is per-cancerous she will be starting chemo after the new year then radiation and finally the same surgery my DH had. I'm already stressed out. My oldest DD decided to drop out of college she is going to try to get full time hours at work. My middle DD messed up her knee and now has 3 pt appointments a week. On top of all this I'm trying to get my house ready to go on the market in January. I'm so tired and I think I'm getting a cold. Ok so I'm done whining now. Time to get back to work, and take my middle DD to go see her Bio-dad.

Lots to think about. Rob: I don't actually think that GOD is really interested in every detail of my life. I tend to believe he acts more like I do with my girls. I'm not the least bit concerned with what they chose to wear to school today or what they might have eaten for breakfast or lunch. I know what is in their dressers and the fridge. However I am very concerned with who they choose as friends and what they are doing otherwise. They are free to make a lot of decisions on their own and if and when they need help I'm happy to do that. There are still lots of decisions I make for them. I would agree that GOD is picky about were and when he chooses to intervene. Catnip: I do get that my brain is just way to small to understand all the whys and to see the bigger picture. I'm also sure that my DH is probably shaking his head and wishing I would just quit trying to figure it out. Bill: You put into writing a lot of what I honestly believe and think. My DH is in a better place and He doesn't miss me. I really don't want him back. I'm just not real happy being stuck here without him. Maybe I just need to come to terms with the fact that I will never understand and move on. I've done it before I should be able to do it again. Amor: I've read Job many times and it does help. It's actually become one of my favorite books and I have a new appreciation and understanding of it. I think part of my problem is I figured I had suffered enough for awhile and things were bound to get better. Yet instead of that life continues to just be really hard. I also kind of figured by this point I would have met someone and that doesn't seem to be working out either. My MIL is probably dying of the same thing my DH had. The doctors haven't come to that conclusion but I look at her and see the same things I saw with DH. My Middle DD is planning out trips to Africa, France, and Guatemala. I am not ready for her to leave yet. My oldest is not leaving anytime soon and I am ready for her to be more independent. If that wasn't enough I'm getting ready to sell my house and that is proving to be emotionally more difficult then I anticipated. I just want to be happy again and finding that place is proving to be incredibly difficult. I think I may go order a couple of books. I like to read and maybe I'll actually lean something.