imissdow

I have pstd. It is quite normal and a common reaction. I went to a trauma therapist for several months. I did EMDR and it helped a lot. I can now sleep thru the night. I would recommend it.

This past week I hit 5 years. I had his birthday last Monday and then Thursday was the day he died. When I started this journey I was determined to be one of those people who walk thru it with my head high and my pain kept very private. I figured a year maybe 2 and I would be good. I would meet Mr chapter 2 and things would be good again. That has not been my reality at all. I have been fortunate enough to meet some great people. I have some new friends land friends who have stuck by me. Life has been really hard the past 6 years. Dow was very ill the last year of his life. My kids have struggled, cried, drove me crazy, cried and laughed with me. This journey has been longer and harder then I ever dreamed. I still haven't meet anyone who I want to be with long term. Yet all in all my life is finally good again. I laugh more then I cry. I have 3 really good kids who in-spite of my iffy parenting skills are becoming beautiful caring responsible ladies. I spend more, eat more junk food, let my kids stay up later and worry less about grades then ever. A whole lot of stuff that used to bother me now hardly gets noticed. I'm not sure Dow would recognize me now. I still miss him but now his memory brings a smile instead of a tear. I have hardly arrived yet I have come a really long way.

Good for you facing things head on. I would have a friend drive, go at a different time of day and don't go the same route as you took before. I might try driving back yourself. I found that a different direction, different time of day ... What ever helped. Be prepared to take it easy after. It might or might not bother you like you expect. You can do this!!!

I get notices every year that I've been over or under paid. However with 2--3 of us getting payments it rarely amounts to anything. I know we got reduced payments for awhile.

I get this. I got a lot of this at one point. Not so much anymore but that might be because I don't meet many new couples these days. At one point a women at work was making up stories about who I was with. Married, single according to her I didn't care, I never dated any of them but didn't seem to stop her mouth. I came to the conclusion that if people think I'm trying to steal their guy it really tells me more about them then it reflects on me. That knowledge has helped make it easier for me to blow it off and carry on with my life.

I get this. I would love to go back to were I thought nothing really bad was ever going to happen to me. The peace that comes for the innocence of thinking your somehow immune to serious pain. Life was easier then. I just blindly went about my day. Now I spend more, second and third guess some of the dumbest things. I also hold back on giving my heart lest I get destroyed again. I have a good life. I pay my bills spend time with friends and family. We swim, hike, watch movies, eat more then we should and have more then we need. I have lots of friends people who really love me and go out of their way for me. Yet let me have a few days when I tired and life gets hard and I sit and cry about how alone and unloved I am. I miss having someone whose always on my side who takes care of me. My 2 younger girls are going away for a week. I should get lots done. I will probably sit on the couch eat poorly and read or watch some movies I've already seen. For some reason when I have a really Canopus time coming home by myself is just really hard. I remember when dow was still alive coming home from vacation I felt like a deflated ballon. Never could figure out why.

Haven't been online in months. Got tired of it decided to take a break. Honestly I don't miss it right now. It's a lot of work. My oldest sister now has a boyfriend that she met on match. He lives about 10 minutes from me , she's 2 hours away. Go figure! Meanwhile I have managed to book all but 1 weekend out of the next 8. I will say this for on-line dating. It allowed me to "meet" a large cross cut of society. I dated guys I would never meet in real life. Some were very intersting and fun and a few were boring. Then of course I met several who were just intrested in hooking up. It really made me broaden what I think I'm looking for and helped me relize some of my deal breakers really aren't as big of a deal as I thought they were. It also made me relize that as much as I say I want a serious committed relationship I really wasn't ready for one. I might go back online again at somepoint . Taking a break really for me has ended up being a good thing.

I'm a lot different yet in so many ways not different at all. 1. My hair is shorter and highlighted and I love it. Dow always told me he would get a Mohawk if I cut my hair off. Would have loved to see him try to pull that off he was almost bald on top. 2.i sold my house and now live on the west shore. 3. That I've actually dated a lot more then he would have thought. 4.that I run and lift, take dance classes and kickbox, the last being the biggest shocker. 5. That I've helped build 2 houses in Mexico. 6. That I finally figured out how to hook up, set up and back the camper by myself. 7. That I have fixed lots of plumbing stuff myself and even a few electrical issues. He always thought I was stronger and more capable then I thought I was. So maybe he would be surprised at what I've done and been thru. I think he would be really proud of me.

Woke you Saturday morning to find a 18 inch hole in my side yard. Went to look at it and holy cow! A 18 inch hole that then grows into a Cavern about 10 feet deep 4-6 feet across and 10-15 feet long. The hole is on my side of the property but the sinkhole is also on my neighbors property. There is some sort of pipe at the bottom or maybe I should say there used to be a pipe. Called the police, had the water company and the sewer authority out they both looked shrugged their shoulders and said "huh? I don't know" called my insurance company, they will send a sinkhole specialist out on Monday. It's suppose to rain Monday so my sinkhole will probally grow. I have no idea what to do. My neighbor is conserned about if she will be responsible for any of it and if our homes will be condemned. There's about 15-20 feet between our houses. So sinkhole isn't far away. As one of my friends said wow! Your life is rarely boreing. Maybe that why when I get bored I also make bad decisions that then cause drama and create " entertainment " for me. I finally figured that out about 4 years ago. So I try not to get to bored lest I start this cycle all over again.

I told both my girls that once they are out of school they start paying their own bills and rent if they choose to stay at home. I made a deal with my oldest that she could "earn" some of that money back by saving for a car, frist and last for a apartment or a few other thing. The oldest now pays for her cell phone, personal expenses, she also pays $400 for room and board. She doesn't drive yet so more often then not she walks to work. Chores are expected and if she wants a ride somewhere she usually cleans or mows the yard in exchange. My middle daughter will be heading off to college n ft year do for her I will pay her cell phone and she gets off with no rent over the summers. She does however pay for gas and car insurance to drive my car. She saving up to buy her own.

I hate Father's Day. Have for a very long time. My father is alive yet very absent in my life as he has been for most of the 48 years I have been alive. When LH was alive I had someone to celebrate and we did even as I still really didn't enjoy the day. Most of the last few I have gone camping, headed out of town or otherwise avoided the day. This year I didn't think much about it until it was to late to "run for the hills". My youngest wanted a gift for the 2 guys who are the closest she has to a dad. So we made cookies. Lots of cookies. Made up 4 boxes gave them to the 2 guys she picked ,my father and the one guy friend I can always count on to listen, help and not get weirded out that im Single and he's married. I thought about it a little more and I think this shall be a yearly tradition. My LH loved cookies, all kinds and would have loved to receive some. So next year I think I shall choose a few guys who are special/ helpful in our lives and honor my LH with gifts of cookies to them. Maybe I'll even tell them why. It really helped make the day more bearable and helped me relize that I still have guys who care for me and my girls. My therapist would have told me I was creating my own therpy session, maybe she's right.

When I frist read some of the responses to my post I honestly got slightly angry. After all I never said s was emotionally unavailable and I was slightly miffed be be told to just dump him and move on. Then I got thinking. He didn't make it to our recital last weekend. Got farther then last time but still didn't make it. He was upset as was I. Had lunch with him on the spur of the moment on weds. Talked some didn't really make any plans for the weekend. Came home , spent the evening with 2 of my 3 girls sitting on the couch watching a video I've seen 20 times. Realized that if I contuine to date s this is what I could expect. Him at his house me at mine never the two should mix. Didn't like that. Called him Thursday morning told him I was done. He was actually pretty cool about it. Deleted his number from my phone haven't heard from him sense, don't expect to actually. I probally would have dragged this out a few more months. You all saved me some heartache. Thank you.

Love thrift stores. I really don't buy much at them between hand me downs there's not much we need. I tried buying clothes on ocassion. My girls do well me, not so much. I'm tall so shorts and shirts are fine pants I just order online now days. I do however donate a lot. In my new neighborhood there is one less then a 1/4 mile away. Haven't been yet but soon.

I've been dating s for about 4 months now. He used to work nights and lives around 45 mins from me. This means we typically would see each other on the weekend never during the week. 2 weeks ago he started a new job working days and we have managed to see each other more. I have never been to his house or met any of his friends . He hasn't met any of my friends or been to my house. Typically we meet about half way between us in a mid sized town with a nice selection of restaurants and such. He always picks up the bill and the one time I actually did grab it he kindly let me know that he was responsible and I would I please not do that again. I've invited him down to my house several times in the last month or so. I was headed to a large city about 2 hours away a couple weekends ago and asked him to join us for the day,meet my sister and spend some time getting to know my girls. Every time he came up with some sort of excuse. I don't doubt that some were legit. So I called him on this the other day. Asked him what was up and if he didn't want to be a part of my life I would walk away. He tells me he has anxiety problems. He tried to drive down to surprise me one day and got about 2 miles from where he wanted to go and had a panic attack. He turned around and went home. He had mentioned once about trying to go to his cousins house for a holiday bbq and never making it because of this. My girls and I have a dance recital this weekend. He tells me he's going to try to come. I am headed up his way today to go to a soccer game and hopefully meet his daughter, granddaughter and possibly more of his family. So I'm wondering how much of all of this I should actually buy into. He's a great guy we talk and enjoy each other's company. However it does make things difficult if he can't come down to my area. Kind of makes me wonder how far this can go. I enjoy dating him but really am looking for something a little more permanent and commited then that. I asked a couple friends. One suggested he was lying, another told me he should have told me sooner, a third totally understood but didn't really have any ideas for me. So I usually get interesting thoughts from the most diverse group of friends I know,all of you. Thoughts?

I'm 48 I've had guys as young as 20 hit on me. I have dated 10 years younger but really prefer older guys. That's just me. My younger sister is 45 going on 60. Her husband is 52 and acts much older. Age is jet a number and a attuide. I'm guessing you have a young mindset and that's why you don't seem much older to him.

Sunday was moving day. Had some friends come over to move the last bunch of stuff out of the old house. New onwer takes possession on Thursday. It's been a long journey but all is good. We Pulled out the upright frezzer and found a stash of stuff. My late husbands stuff. So I pull all of it out and start looking at it. Most guys would have a stash of porn, beer, or other stuff their wife's may it approve of. My LHs stash Stereo equipment. 2 CD players several speakers, enough to set up a nice surround system.sans wire and boxes. I'll never know why he stashed it behind the frezzer. But it made me laugh. That's my guy, couldn't sing had no musical talent yet loved his tunes.

Just saw this seabreeze is still open? I remember going as a kid. Grew up in upstate New York . Might want to check out Watkins Glen has lots of hiking and waterfalls. I'm going to try to plan a trip this summer. As a kid I really didn't appreciate how beautiful the area was. I love I now.

My house is sold. Closing was Thursdayas well as closing for my new house. I rented the old house back for a month so my kids can finish the school year and I have time to move. Today 2 of my best friends came over to help. I grabbed a box looked in it and said "guess what's in this box... Dowie!" With out missing a beat Merdith says "well all I have to say is he better behave, he's a trouble maker!" I have very few friends who can laugh with me at my sometimes dark humor. It makes me appreciate the few who are actually comfortable with it even more.

Done some therapy, quite a bit in fact, a would also consider myself a control freak to a point. I figure if I'm paying to see someone they can talk about whatever I want. However that always seems to be everything. My therapist is great because I go for awhile and quit and go back and quit. As she said if I'm doing well I don't need her.

All of my kids went thru a phase were they became more aware of were they fit in the social circles they are a part of. Including if they will get in trouble, be included and such. My middle high anxiety/ very bright kid was the worse. Her therapist told me it was because she was smart enough to figure out all the possible problems that could happen. I remember having conversations about being yelled at was more about the person yelling and as long as she didn't get in "big trouble" or lose privileges it really wasn't a big deal. Could it be part of grief sure. Might be making things worse, and exzabrating it. But as a mom of 3 kids sounds typical to me. The good news is it gets better after middle school usually for us in 8th grade.

Just joined. Proud of you for making this happen. Hoping I will be able to attend after my move next month

Read all of this with great intrest. I am closing on my new house in 2 weeks and have been dating NG for 3 months. We have talked a little bit about decorating and what I want to do with the house. At his point all he decisions are very much mine and should be. I have wondered if I should include him at all. I do find it very useful to bounce ideas off someone. He has been really good during the house hunting process of listening asking questions but not telling me what to do. I dated a different guy for a few months and decided to paint my bedroom he was bothered that I didn't include his ideas in my selection process. I found it interesting that he felt he should be considered when we hadn't done more then share some kisses. I am a firm believer in making decision based on where you are now not were you wish to be in the future. If your confident that you and NG will be sharing the house in less then a year include him. If some were in the back of your mind you doubt that will happen I think you owe it to yourself to ask why and then make decisions with that in mind.

So last night I went out on date #6 with NG. It's only taken almost 3 months to get there but whatever. Between his schedule and mine and the fact that we live a hour apart has made things more challenging. I have 2 older teens and a 10yo all girls. So as I'm getting ready to go out the 10yo walks in my room and asks me if I think NG will like my undergarments? I reply that NG isn't going to see them I am not taking my clothes off for anyone. Then she proceeded to ask me what if you hav sex? I replied that it was not going to happen. She asks yet more questions and I finally said NG is not coming to the house, no one is removing any clothes. End of discussion. Meanwhile I'm racking my brain to figure out why she knows so much and why she would think I would be bringing a guy home with me. I never have before and really have no intention of doing so now. I come home from my date to find her sleeping in my bed under the guise of not being able to fall asleep in her own room. So today we have yet another decision about the fact that I'm not bringing anyone home and will not be doing so. Interestingly enough NG has not even tried to kiss me yet although he finally did come out and tell me I was his girlfriend. So I know this will come up yet again. So any ideas of how to handle her? I have no intention of ever having a guy spend the night at my house. I have already talked to NG about this, he has a 20 yo daughter who has been married for a year and is pregnant with baby #3 so he understands my concerns well and totally agrees with me. Neither NG or I am in a rush to do much of anything at this point so I really don't see this being a issue for quite a while. He is not a highly aggressive guy and has been careful to make sure I know he is not interested in just that part of a relationship. The fact that he hasn't made a move to do anything other then give me a hug goodbye makes this rather clear. Yesterday after our date and another goodbye hug I finally asked him if he was even interested in me that way. He assured me he is. I have made several comments to him about overly aggressive guys and how much they bother me so he could have come to the conclusion that if he wanted something with me he had better be slow and carefull about the whole process. So what to do about the 10yo? She knows I'm dating, has asked several times when she can meet him? Knows few little things about him. I have not introduced any of them to him, he has seen pictures of all of them and will probably meet them in the next few months. I am kind of wondering if any of this has to do with her asking for a new dad. If she figures that if he spends the night then we will get married and she will get a new dad. She did ask me a year or so ago if I had kissed anyone. I asked her why that was a consern and she said then she would have a new daddy. At that point I said there's a lot more in getting a new daddy then just kissing. Any ideas?

A lot of this reminds me of a guy I dated a few times. We talked about sex on one of those dates. He said "women get offered sex daily but any number of guys. Men have to qualify, have a job, nice clothes, a car, take you out, etc. so if a women offers me sex on a frist date why would I refuse. I feel like I hit the jackpot." I did not offer and after a few dates and lots of trying on his part he decided I would "take to long" and dumped me. I do not regret it. The guy I'm currently seeing has yet to try and kiss me and I'm starting to wonder. We have had 5 dates. The last one he had a nasty case of pinkeye so there was no way I would even give him a hug. We seem to have a pretty neat connection so I letting it go a few more dates. He lives about a hour away and works opposite shift of me so getting together is proving tricky. I really do think it's different for everyone but for me if a guy can go more then a few weeks with me not getting bored with him there's something there. I tend to wait a lot longer then most people to get intimate with guys. I have doubts about how good of a judge of character I really am so this might be part of the reason I'm so careful. However I must say of all the guys I've chosen not to be with I have regreted none. I'm with nonesuch I think a conversation of all of it should happen before removing ones clothing. I have found that the guys who sent suggestive texts were even more suggestive and pushy in person. For me that's a huge turn off. I really like guys to see me a more then a object and that's what all of that makes me feel like.

My LH died when my youngest was 5. Her kindergarden teacher was horrid at dealing with her grief. Thankfully most of the other teachers have been much better. I took all of my girls to a children's grief center. It was really good for all of us. If you can find one its well worth the effort. The girls also went to camp dragonfly put on by our local hospice. They only get to go once but I found it helped them. My middle DD went to a private therapist as well for several months. One size does not fit all so try lots of different stuff. One thing that I did do for my youngest was to make a photo book of her with her dad. It was a tad pricey but it's hers to look at when ever she wants. She has taken it to school to show her class and really is a treasured possession for her. I was a little conserned when she started making up memories of her dad but I have been told it's normal and to only address those that are totally out of whack. Like TooSoon I am/was a reluctant parent. My plans never included kids and although I love mine I sometimes have a hard time with being active and engaged. I already had 2 kids when I met LH and often wonder how different my life would have been without my youngest. I love her but she was very much daddy's girl and she misses him terribly .