imissdow

Someone on here once said when people fly their "freak flag "believe them. I want to say it was robtc ? That phase has stuck with me and really helped me not try to rationalize away so pretty weird/different behavior that I couldn't deal with. I'm also a person who believes we all have our own " freak show" behavior. I work in a male dominated job so I've been told that makes me odd. So it's really about finding what works for you.

I asked out a guy last year. First guy I had asked out in forever and by far the guy I have most connected with. He however does not want a girlfriend. It's not me , he hadn't dated for years and isn't dating now. I still talk to him regularly. His DD told me earlier this week she wishes I was her stepmom (she's in her 30's) she also told me her dad cares more for me then anyone else. I do hint really well.This last guy I had 2 dates with met thru okcupid. Told him I wanted to meet after he suggested connecting on Facebook. He suggested dinner and a day. We figured out a different day, same place. The next week he had some time off I suggested he could take this girl I know out for lunch. After some discussion we picked a time and a place. A phone call and a few texts and a promise of a another phone call that never happened. Haven't heard from him in 4 days don't expect to at this point. I really have no problem telling a guy that I'm free on Thursday and suggest getting together. If a guy is Intrested he will usally suggest dinner/ lunch /something. A couple of years ago I got caught up in a situation with a guy who really wasn't Intrested in me the same way I was. He was happy to do the minimum to string me along. I'm much more careful now. I have no idea why this is gender related yet I also know the few times I have been more forward then I am have not ended well.

This is what my sister keeps telling me in relation to dating. For those who have already jumped ahead no, she's not referring to sex. I haven't had that since before my LH died. She's referring to contacting guys, phone calls and texting stuff. I'm not 100% sure what she thinks I do as far as contacting guys. Rarely do I call a guy unless I'm returning a missed call. Or after we have been dating awhile. I will text a guy to start a conversation but only after we have already connected and have texted prior and I make sure I'm not always the one making contact first. I certainly am not paying for dates and suggesting where we go unless I'm asked what I would prefer. I guess from her point of view I'm "chasing" guys. Not sure I get that. I don't think I chased either of the last 2 guys I went out with. The guy prior to that, he was just odd he called and messaged me all the time and we went out regularly sometimes he planned it sometimes I did. He really just wanted a friend to hang out with, once I figured that out I broke it off. My late DH and I were best friends and I only really remember him "asking me out" 2x after that we were pretty much together all the time and I don't remember keeping track of who called who. Maybe it's because I haven't met a guy who has really been right for me. I have heard people talk about how to keep their relationship fresh to keep "him pursuing" you. I never felt like that was a issue in my relationships. So I'm kind of confused. Thoughts?

Klim: I had a second date with a really nice guy on Friday a week ago. I heard from him on Monday, a text message or 2 on Tuesday and Thursday and then nothing. Not sure if I should be moving on or thinking I will hear from him. 2 dates hardly make a relationship. Yet here I sit wondering if I've been kicked to the curb. Typically guys go way faster then I'm comfortable with and are way to attentive. Yet I find myself not liking this either. Oh to find a guy I click with and have enough contact to make me feel comfortable with. Maybe I'm asking for to much.

Watched a couple of those videos. Thankfully I'm much better at texting than I used to be. I think that has really helped me date better. When I first started dating again I hated texting. Now I text more then I call and I'm getting more flirty with them. Still have always to go. Need to go watch a few more. Typically I meet these really needy guys and it becomes a real turn off really quick.I would think it's the same for them. Being really busy has been a blessing in some ways makes it easy for me to not have time to worry about if it takes longer to return a text. Got a text from the guy I met on Sunday from okcupid He asked what I was up to told him honestly I was out shopping and didn't have time to meet him. I did make time for a phone call. I think we're planning a second date on Friday, least that's what he said tonight and I gave him very few choices if he wanted to see me again. So far so good. We will see what happens but I'm feeling pretty good about all of this.

I could have written your post just changing the age to 49. I to have tried all kinds of things and had way more then 5 dates but with similar results. I've met lots of people, men and women but no real great friends. Thankfully I have a couple of friends who have stuck around but really only 1 that I can actually do stuff with. I have done dance classes, started running and joined a gym, taken kickboxing and boxing. I'm typically the grandma of the group. They are nice don't get me wrong but I'm easily 15+ years older then them. I have tried waiting a few weeks to meet guys and done it rather quickly. Honestly I don't know that it matters. I met a guy last night, had a great time, hoping for a second date. But in a lot of ways I also feel like I'm waiting for him to just disappear just like the others. Then on the other hand if they are to needy that bothers me to so I'm not sure there's a win/win for me. Dating is tough. Miss the days when I would meet a guy and naturally get to know them as fiends. Doesn't seem doable now. So no advise just solidarity .

So on a whim this week I got on OK Cupid. I'm surprised I remembered my password I haven't been on for almost a year, and that was only briefly. So I updated my profile that was at least 3 years old. Started e-mailing a guy, seemed very nice. Said something about meeting him and come to the realization I have no time. The only nights of the week I am ever free are Saturday and Sunday evenings. Typically if there's nothing planned (about50% of the time) I go out with my DDs or run errands and do chores. So actually I'm to busy to date. I filled up my schedule so I could make new friends and cope with being single. Yet, if I want to date I need to free up some time. Thus also meaning I will probally be home more often. How does one handle this. At the moment I'm committed to all this stuff for the rest of the school year. I could get out of 2 things but that would succeed in freeing up 1 evening , I really enjoy all of it so it's not like I want out of any of it. Guess to be fair I need to not get online.

First widow: it depends on where you live and who you are. My sister is dating a guy she met on match. I've done pof, OK Cupid, Christian mingle, eharmony, and briefly match. Christian mingle& eharmony don't seem to have enough people using them. Pof I got a bunch of guys looking for a hook up and couldn't hide or filter them out. I didn't care for that. I probally should try paying for match, i didn't really give it much of a shot. I keep going back to OK Cupid I like that they ask questions and I can typically weed out the guys who are looking for a fling. I still get scammers and guys looking for a hook up but I use the hide and delete feature often. So after a bit it feels more my style.

Toosoon: I was lamenting the other day that my life has changed so much. Yet after reading you post I relized that really it hasn't. The big difference is now I just do all the same stuff by myself. Yup there were days I was bored even when My LH was alive. I will probally be up till 10. Watch come net flix and work on my never ending pile of laundry. I bought stuff to hang shelves maybe I'll do that as well. It sure is quiet here even with my dog snoring .

Kids are in 5th grade, 10 yo. Some how E told H about dad being sick and whatnot. E has been quite open with my H. H made her a card and went and told her how sorry she was. We are new to the district so I have met none of the kids or parents at this point. We have a children's grief center not even 3 miles from the school maybe I'll go get some info for H to pass on.

Today my youngest came home from school and told me that her friend e's dad had died. He had cancer and the two had talked about that. I had sent some information about the camp H attends and that E will now be able to attend for free untill she turns 16. E had been out of school for a week and H was wondering if she was sick, today was her first day back. So the guidance counselor came in and told my H not to talk about it. H made a card and told E how very sorry she was. It really bothers me that the adults at school have told the kids that this subject is taboo. I get that they don't want E upset but as we all know that idea is kind of pointless. I'm sure E is already upset. I have told H that she could be a big help to E because she understands. Child grief awareness day is coming up on Nov 17th might need to go to the school and make a point of telling them to recognize it and what both these young girls have lost. Ugh I am so annoyed!!!

It's been 5 years since my LH died. I've dated some with little success. The guy who lasted the longest I dated about 4 months. He worked nights and we only saw each other on the weekends. Probally part of the reason I dated him that long. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever get used to being alone. Life is good. My kids are doing well. I have good friends who really care about me. My job is secure and I typically like it. My house is now in a good neighborhood and is good shape. I get out regularly, take classes, meet new people. I'm ok going places alone, restaurants ,sporting events. Yet I so miss having someone to"do life with". Yet I'm really tired of trying to meet someone. Do you ever get used to it? My sister tells me solitude is addictive. I have yet to find that to be true. So, thought? Does it ever get easier? Is there anything that helps?

As a b-c student with dyscripta growing up this really annoys me. I used to study hours for spelling test and if I was lucky I might get 5 words right. I typically got below a 50% on spelling tests. I was always told to try harder and apply myself. I hated school. As a adult with computers spelling is still sometimes a challenge but spellcheck makes me look somewhat literate. I don't know what's required to get accommodations where you are. Here in the USA we have to have a formal evaluation. If possible I would suggest a tablet/alpha pad. There's also a new pen coming out in February called a learn and style pen. It turns text into words for those who struggle to read. I'm going to be looking into one for my dyslexic 10yoDD. I wish I could do something for these types of kids. Last year my DD discovered she's pretty good at math thanks to that's and a teacher who told all the kids everyone's good at something she now feels like she's somewhat smart. Good luck, hope you can find a workable solution.

When my oldest aged out the younger 2 increased so I was getting the max. The end of this school year I will just have 1 kid and myself for part of the year. Not sure what will happen but I expect hers will increase to make up part of the difference. So in my case they adjusted everyone's.

Wow , according to this list I never should have dates my LH. He didn't have a house ,car or probally a real job by your standards. He also wore stuff in his hair and smoked. He was however a great guy who loved my kids and I. We were never well off but, he took care of his family.

Tofinoman: wow! Who ticked you off? Yes my DD has her moments but really who doesn't? My friends think I have great kids, respectful, caring and responsible. Guy was very insecure, and there were other issues. I'm in a good place at the moment. Glad for that.

Nothing happens to benefits untill they turn 18. Then they are going to start to send it to your child. Then when the youngest turns 16 you lose the caregivers benefit if you get it. When a child ages out they redistribute the money to the remaining people. At the end of this school year I will only have 2 payees. Not sure if that will reduce the benefit total as I've been told you need 3 to get the family max.

I'm also in the not lving together camp. When I married my LH it didn't make financial sense. He had no assets, not even a car had filed for bankruptcy and was flat broke. I feared loosing my kids health insurance and childcare assistance. I married him anyways. Best choice I ever made. I remember discussing a prenup with him as I had assets. He said " if you don't trust me to do right by you and your girls we shouldn't get married" I did draft a will to protect them if I died. Don't know what I would do in a similar situation however I also know it's not always about the money. Benefits end, not getting my LHs social security hardly seems like a good enough reason to me. I still have 5 years untill the youngest Turns 16 and so far no one I want to marry. So lots of what ifs for me.

My ex is bio-dad to the two oldest. I have friends who remember him as my ex. However we have been divorced for 18 years so a lot of my friends don't know him. I'm always embarrassed when people meet him. Then I get questions "you were married to him?" Etc. I hate it. He lives about 5 miles from me. Doesn't drive, works part-time lives off welfare, has very few social skills. My girls are likewise embarrassed by him. However he is a part of my past. I can't change it. I try to ignore it and him as much as possible. If someone does meet him and ask. I usally just shake my head and mutter, yup, I know not my finest hour, or I was young and dumb or we all make poor choices sometimes or something similar. I still don't like it but it usally stops the chatter. Really when you admit that it was a poor decision what ammo does that leave someone. We can all run from our past, sadly it always seems to catch up.

So sorry for your lost. Thinking of what my kids lost when my LH died breaks my heart. I have 3 girls and the the only relatives close by are my parents and in-laws, all in their 80s now and not at all intrested or able to hang out with my girls. The youngest was 5 when dad died. Male role models have come from rather different places. 2 guys at my church , a neighbor, and a bunch of guys at a karate school she has just started at. Before I hear all the warnings all of these guys see my DD in group situations. However they and their wives come to her events, celebrate with her and treat her like a much adored niece. I have found to my suprise that being open with people about her lost, and then telling them how much she enjoys their attention helps. She is a sun shiny, huggy, kid so that probably helps to. After all what guy can refuse a kid whose face lights up as she throws herself at them. My point is if you start looking you can probably find a few role models, scouts, school, sport teams, or maybe the guy next door. Don't expect one person to be everything but lots of different people and be important in different ways. It's not quite the same but it does help.

If you read some of my post you relize pretty quickly my path is full of turns, twists, potholes and most of the time it feels up hill. My life is not for the faint of heart. What I relize over and over is attuide matters. More then one would think. How I choose to view things and the attuide I pick drives lots. I've dated, Reyes stuff and failed, yelled at my girls, spent money foolishly. I could dwell on what I don't have. When that happens life is really hard. It's a rather viscous circle and hard to fight my way out of. If I choose to be positive I do oh so much better. I run, dance, kickbox, go to the gym , not because I'm a fitness junky but rather because it keeps me from getting depressed, keeps me sane. Dating has taught me lots. One could argue that I've done it wrong, introduced my kids to early, am to fussy about trivially things. They right be right however last I checked they aren't living my life so their vote really doesn't count. Most of my dh friends have either become my friends or I don't see them now. His parents I go see every few months we talk but aren't really involved in each other's life's. I really don't consern myself with what they think. As far as the stuff I expressed early on. That was then this is now. I felt, thought it, expressed myself. If it doesn't work now, people change. Most people don't hold me to what I said, felt early out. If they do that is their problem now. Most offers of help have a expiration date, to a point. Don't know if any of that helps. Or if you feel like I've answered anything. Life is hard, growth takes time as long as your headed forward it really doesn't matter how long it takes to get there.

Took my middle DD to visit a college this weekend. It was generally pretty good. Smaller private school with a beautiful campus , demanding classes and a huge endowment allowing them to have one of the lowest tuitions in the state. DD has a great gpa(3.5-3.75) depending on if you weight classes, a high sat score , and enough outside actives to fill a page and a part-time job. She gets a stack of flyers from colleges every week. She's a great student and a pretty good person. This school is her top pick and really her only choice. She has said it all else fails she will go to the state school or the community college. She really is ready to move out would be gone already if that was doable. So enter financial aid people. Packages aren't given out till march. This school doesn't take federal aid, so no loans, pull grants or TEACH scholarships. It seems that whatever school I pick online has the same bottom line number. About $5000 more the I can figure out how to come up with. The online calculator I used last night had parents contribution as $55. But the bottom line is way way higher. Looking into scholarships but they don't commit till June usally. So once again she needs to commit before figuring out how to pay for it. We have identified about $23000 that she is qualified for and really we have just started, however that doesn't mean she will get any of them. I hate that I'm in a position that I really can't help her out at all. I really hate that I can't figure all of it out .

I've dated a couple of guys in the last year for several months and I've come away from it with more questions then answers. Both guys were nice good guys. I had fun with them felt like I could talk to them and there was some physical attraction. B the last guy I dated asked me yesterday if he could have 5 mins to talk with me next week. He wants to try and work things out I'm just not sure I want to bother. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm capable of having strong feelings for anyone. When I break up with them I typically just miss my LH more not him really but what we had together. I miss having someone to talk to, Miss going out and having fun, but I done miss them, if that makes sense. Admittedly I tend to be very guarded in my feelings. I think I always have been. Maybe I'm not giving it enough time, you don't usally "fall in love" overnight. I just don't understand. Maybe it's not the right guy, maybe it me. I just don't even begin to know what to thinK.

Sounds to me like a excuse to call you later. I have on occasion grabbed someone's number for one of my kids usally thinking better of it later unless it is for some type of service. Being that it was a professional training type situation he might have thought nothing of it. If it bothers you don't return a call. I'm not real crazy about guys figuring out how to get my number without ask me personally.

Seems to me the lack of dishwasher and washer dryer is minor if it saves you half of what your paying. You could always buy a portable machine. I don't know what rent runs were you are but here one months rent would easily buy a machine. I would probably go for it.