MissingSquish

I think I'll be coming on November 1st. And seconding the High Line. Such a nice way to see the city, as long as the weather cooperates.

I admit my last words to my dad before I told him to cease contact was a big "FUCK YOU" through my tears. Thank you guys so much.

I have finally had enough with my family's drama, antics and abuse. A dinner out with my parents on Friday turned extremely nasty. My dad admitted he stopped inviting me to events with my brothers and their wives because "it is all couples and it is not appropriate for you to attend". When I said that they were the only family I had, and that I didn't have a husband any longer he said "maybe you should find a husband then". Of course, Friday was the day before my wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, my mom nastily said the same thing to me about needing to find a new husband about 6 months back. I finally told my dad that I never wanted to speak with him or my mother ever again and to not contact me. My relationship with my parents has always been extremely rocky, but Squish and my uncle always were the liaison between me and them. I never wanted to make my uncle choose sides between myself and my parents, so I felt obligated to at least try to maintain a relationship with my parents because of him. Now that Squish and my uncle are both gone, there's nothing more to fight for. Unsurprisingly, my brothers have taken my parent's side. My sister and I are still on fairly good terms, so I am fortunate to have that. I have had little anxiety over this decision to cut all ties, in fact, for the most part, I have been really calm lately. I wasn't even sad on my wedding anniversary, just nostalgic for a life I am glad I no longer live.

Please let us know if it helps! I have a wandering mind myself, especially when driving too.

Hey guys, I've updated the thread a few posts back. I got an older doberman gentleman who is a doll just 2 weeks ago. Super friendly, sweet and easy going. The house feels complete now.

Hi everyone. Some of you know that I adopted a senior rescue doberman last weekend. He has really brought joy back into my life. The house no longer feels empty, and I have a walking buddy back again. I still very much miss Pru, but am thankful to have this new dog in my life. He was found in an abandoned building on my sadiversary this year and went to the rescue on Squish's birthday this year. His name is Scooby.

I did a major shredding session today and filled 3 large garbage bags full of old papers from my home office. Taking a break to give my new shredder some time to cool down.

Another Saturday night is upon us. 3rd weekend without my baby girl. I have been making a big effort to excercise for at least 30 minutes daily, which has been helping my mood. Nights alone are hellish still.

Thanks everyone. Sending hugs to all for the math around significant dates. I wish I had more to say right now. Just picked up her cremains at the vet.

I was laying in bed last night when I realized something very bizarre. I knew Squish for 3 years, 3 months. I met him February 18, 2009 and he died May 20, 2012. Pru died August 18, 2015, making her death approximately the point at which I will have been widowed for as long as I've known Squish. I met her on Squish and I's first date, so I knew her for a total of 6 years 6 months. Funny how math and timing works out like that. I don't believe in coincidences, but have no clue what this means.

Have you considered trauma counseling? I am also a SOS, and EMDR helped me to get past a lot of what you are describing. You are valuable, you are more than a SOS. You may be initially attracted to men that have similarities to your late husband, but you don't need to choose them to have a relationship with.

I actually ate the ice cream in bed last night for dinner. Even worse!

Have ice cream for dinner like I did last night . I actually got laundry out of the way this morning.

Attempting to shove food in my face at a local Outback Steakhouse. Yeah. Sitting at the bar by myself. I ate about 1/4 of my appetizer, but I still ordered and entree. I don't mind eating leftovers. This weekend has been really tough again already. I went for a long drive this afternoon to get out of the house.

Thanks everyone for the input. Putting an application in for a rescue today doesn't mean I'm likely to be placed with a dog tomorrow, next week or even next month. The rescue applications take a bit of time to process (usually a few months) before they match me with a dog. They have extensive checks with my homeowners insurance, references, vet and a home check before I even get to meet the dog at their out of state facility. I will not get into a situation with a rescue that I am unable to handle (severe behavioral problems etc).

Jumping in chat right now.

Thank you guys so much for your advice and responses. I have been to 2 different shelters this past week just feeling things out and getting used to being around other dogs again. There were no dogs that called out at me in either place, and I just mostly felt really sad. I don't think I'm a good candidate for fostering for a few reasons. Many foster parents usually have multiple dogs to teach the foster dog manners around other dogs. I don't have the time nor the expertise to ready a dog for a permanent home. And I don't know if I'd be able to give the dog back after fostering. This weekend was really hard, as it's the first weekend that I've spent without her. I'm cherishing every dog hair that I find of hers scattered throughout the house. I had a cleaning person come last Saturday morning while Pru and I were at the vet, so the usual piles of hair around the house are not around. Every dog I see out and about with their owners breaks my heart completely. I just want my baby girl back, but I know that is not possible. When I lost Squish, I had her to comfort me. I don't want to go through this major loss alone.

Sending love your way, Jen. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry Jen that you lost two fur babies this week. . Sending huge hugs your way.

Alone tonight. No dog. This is the lowest I've felt since Squish's death 3 years ago. I'm getting all of the classic severe grief symptoms. No appetite, nauseous continuously, dreading going home, low quality sleep, tired all the time and depressed beyond belief. I have been making it a point to try to get some excercise in on a daily basis to try to help with some of this. Went out with my best friend, sister and her girlfriend for brunch today, but it doesn't change the fact that I came home to a completely empty house. The silence here is deafening. My heart is completely broken open and is bleeding.

I've already put an application in at a rescue organization for another Doberman. I know I am still very much in shock since Pru's sudden passing on Tuesday. But the house feels too empty without a furry being to keep me company. There are so many things drawing me back to the Doberman breed. The loyalty, the Velcro dog attachment and their intelligence. A few people, including my family vet has cautioned me against getting another big dog. There were times when I found it difficult to manage both myself and Pru's needs. She could never be dropped off at a friend's, my parent's or neighbor's house if I wanted to go away for a weekend, she always had to be boarded. I was the only person who could take her to the vet if she needed it. Pretty much everyone around me was afraid or her, and I could rarely have people over my house. If a repairman had to come over, I had to make sure that Pru was either at daycare, outside or in the car with the windows open. Getting another Doberman would likely pose similar challenges, but I think getting another dog in general would be very much the same. My friends have babies and lives of their own, my neighbors have kids and lives of their own, and my parents don't want their busy schedule to be interrupted to help me. I would like to get married again and have a family. I am not currently dating anyone. Even if I met Squish the 2nd, I wouldn't get married again until at least 2 years of dating. 2 years without a furry creature to share my space is a long time. I honestly don't know if Pru would have been good around a baby, and with the open layout of my house, it would have been nearly impossible to keep dog and baby separated. I don't want to move out of my house and street, as I have fantastic neighbors that truly look out for me. I know a dog is a long term commitment, but I honestly have no clue where my life is going, aside from work. I know a dog ties me down and makes it a bit more difficult to date. Needing to go home at night to take care of Pru helped me to make smarter, more informed choices about my last relationship. It made me realize that our lifestyles were completely incompatible. In the past, before Pru, I would have bent over backwards to accommodate him even more. I might have even married him, and would have likely been very lonely.

I'm dying inside without her. She was my everything.

Thanks so much. This feels similar to losing squish. I'm not dealing very well right now.

This fucking blows. Can't sleep. Miss my baby

Pru crossed over the rainbow bridge today during surgery. She went into cardiac arrest as they were finishing.