MissingSquish

My skin would dry out if I actually showered twice a day. I am sad that is a deal breaker for this Romeo.

Body wash definitely. Shampoo or conditioner?

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

I'm always cold, so definitely t-shirt. Bath or shower?

His eyes are pretty. Too bad he's so incredibly self-important.

I'm in chat!

He's so dreamy. I want him. NOT.

Wow. That's awesome. . I don't have many other words.

Thank you SB and Gabzmom. I truly appreciate the support and awesome advice. I've been getting back on the healthy eating/excercise kick. Feeling a bit better day by day.

Thanks Jeff. Huge hugs back at you!

Huge hugs skitwin. I understand what you're going through. Squish died as a result of his addiction as well, and I am also not in contact with my in laws. I had similar visions of the super traumatic stuff that happened as a result of my husband's addiction and death and developed PTSD. A few things have helped the PTSD: 1. Antidepressants when I needed them. I've been on and off antidepressants for the last 3 years since Squish's death. 2. EMDR therapy. This is very different from the traditonal talk therapy that I had been doing in conjunction with EMDR. I can't recommend it highly enough. EMDR helps me to hone in on the trauma and associated anxiety and allows me to reprocess it. I generally feel substantially better right after an EMDR session, and continue to feel better for most of the next week. 3. Time. Overall, I feel less raw every day that passes. I've got my setbacks, defintely, but I am doing a lot better than even 6 months ago.

I was just too hot and sweaty today to go for a walk. If it cools down later I will go. Have been eating pretty healthy for the last week.

Thanks HvnBound. . Huge hugs back at you.

The article was very well written and poignant. I can relate to a lot of what she wrote about. Thanks for sending this along.

I am so lucky to have such amazing wids around me here. I went to my EMDR therapist last night and did some reprocessing of this and I feel a bit better today. It is a process.

Hugs to you guys. I'm sorry you had to deal with addiction as well.

Sending hugs right your way. This is a crazy journey we are on.

Thank you lmsmdm, I really appreciate the hugs. Right back at you.

Walked for 10 minutes today even though my calves and shins were killing me.

Thanks CW and Lisapop. Great words of advice given. Thank you. I will keep all of this in mind.

I'm in chat now.

I get this. It is ok, you don't have to go. It sounds like it would be intensely triggering for you, and it's a coworker, not a close friend or family member. I went to a coworker's brother's funeral since Squish died, and boy, was it a mistake. Though I worked in a small office, and she was in my department, there was no good reason that I should have gone. It just made me sad for the rest of the day and week.

Is one of him nodding out. I had shown him the video during a rare time that he was sober, and he was really upset at me for even taking it. We didn't have a wedding videographer. I didn't think to take videos of him during our happier times (though I didn't have a video camera on my phone until after we were married). We were only married for a little longer than 6 months when he died, and his addiction spiraled out of control in those few short months. There weren't a whole lot of happy times while we were married. I watched the video for the first time in a long time tonight. It wasn't seeing him on film nodding out that made me sad. It was our dog, pru, in the background putting her head on the side of the couch that got me. It is something that she still does, especially when I'm upset. She's had a really rough life in a lot of ways, and I feel guilty that I have been leaning on her so much. She's seen so much trauma and sorrow in her life. It is truly horrifying how much addiction impacts everyone around the addict. I am trying to live life now by taking videos of pru being cute and pictures of the happy times that I have had since he's been gone.

I am sorry that you have a tough time with telling people your husband died of suicide. When I tell others that my husband died of suicide ("accidental" drug overdose), I usually follow it up with "he was as terminal as one could have been of cancer". People usually get it at that point. There was no saving him, and for me, I know that I did everything in my power to help him.

Walked for 10 minutes yesterday, and did some sea kayaking today. Going to try to walk again tomorrow.