MissingSquish

Craziness. Huge hugs at you M.

Sending love and peace to you. I am glad you were able to speak with those people from your wedding and that you were able to relive the happy memories. Go you!

Ifonlyicould, I can very much relate to feeling like I am second guessing myself on major decisions as well. What I have found that works for me is to not share what's going on with me with many others except a select few. For example, when I was looking for a new job, only my therapist, best friend, career counselor, and now ex BF knew that I was even looking. I trusted that they all truly had my best interests at heart, and they wouldn't sway my decision, but rather support it. It was hard to learn not to share with people that I knew I wouldn't be able to say no to prior to making the big decision. I allowed myself to tell them once I had already made the decision and I was at the point of no return (signed employment contract with a new job).

Hanks needytoo and ifonlyicould. You guys are the best support ever.

Singinmom04, How crazy is it that your anniversary is the same day as my sadiversary. Insane coincidences. Thanks look2thesky, you are so right. I knew for a while that it wasn't right.

Thanks for the hugs and strength Trying. This shit sucks big time. Hugs right back at you!

Exactly what Just Jen said. Glad to hear your recovery is going well.

Thanks for the love Kamcho! We can totally be fitness badasses together this week. I am going to try to get back to walking a bit (hurt my back 2 weeks ago). I am seriously flattered that you are going to do some cardio for me <3. ETA: just went for a 10 minute walk.

Thanks SVS .

Sending tight hugs jlp. So happy that she thought of you and reached out.

Broke it off with ex BF about a month ago, but was trying to still remain friendly with him. We were supposed to go to a movie on the sadiversary this past week, but he cancelled in the morning and then didn't answer my calls. Totally sent me into a tailspin that I haven't quite recovered from. A fellow wid asked me earlier this week if I'd be ok with him dating others, and to be honest, I thought he was just too busy with work and volunteering to make it happen with anyone else. I felt that way until I stumbled upon his match.com profile. Which he had been active on in the last day. I have a thousand emotions going on in my head now. Why did I think that he was ever just too busy? I am sure the reasons he was pulling away from me for months previous to our breakup was because he was looking elsewhere now. I feel like I opened my heart and soul to someone who I trusted with my everything, and he's smashed my trust to pieces. I went on 2 dates with a new guy this week to try and stay busy and keep my mind off things. But when I kissed him, all I felt was confusion, anxiety and grief. I felt defensive and guarded by the second date with this new guy, yet I kissed him anyway. His hands started moving towards my back and waist and underneath my jacket and I started having an internal meltdown. I know I need time, but I feel so intensely lonely and helpless. I am not giving off good dating vibes at this point. Working and staying busy during the week is my only sanity. I am not looking forward to another day off to be honest. Just needing some hugs.

Thanks Gabzmom.

I really miss my ex bf. Not intending on contacting him at all. Just miss him. I miss having butterflies in my stomach and having true excitement to see him. I miss my life with him, and yet don't miss my life with Squish anymore.

Echoing the already great things that were said by Maureen and Trying. Forgiving yourself is really hard. Sending warm wishes your way. I'm sorry this is so hard.

Count me in as a maybe as well. If Meandthekids is going, I'll carpool with her.

Thanks M. Sending a hug back your way too

Sending continued positive thoughts your way as you recover. I'm glad you are feeling a bit better.

Thank you guys so much for the support. Hugs right back at you!

Yeah. Yesterday was 3 years. Having some major flashbacks yesterday and today about the good things about him and our relationship. It's not that I'm ignoring the bad stuff that happened when he was alive at all. Just choosing to think about the good things. I've become more accepting of the entire widowhood situation. In a few short months, I will be a widow for longer than I knew him.

I need an amazing bear hug and naked cuddle with Squish, wrapping his body around mine and making me feel safe. And then it needs to stop after a few minutes because both of our shoulders are going numb. Actually I also miss the way he used to brush and braid my hair. Sent tingles down my spine. Or a goodnight kiss and to let me fall asleep alone but when I'd wake up in the middle of the night, he was there, sleeping next to me. I guess this isn't about sex much at all. Just missing him tonight.

Rock on grace! You rule . I know it's so hard to be reborn as a new person, but you're doing it.

3 year sadiversary was yesterday. Was supposed to go to a movie with ex bf last night. He cancelled yesterday morning due to a volunteering training. I asked him if it was possible to skip his volunteer training because I was feeling a bit low and really looking forward to seeing him. He didn't respond. Nothing. Someone here needs to remind me how mean he was if I ever have amnesia and think it's a good idea to have him in my life again

I love your positivity about the future, as well as your perspective. Keep on!

So sad. She will be missed. I remember her kind and no-nonsense advice on ywbb. May she rest in peace.

I'll be in year 3 as of Wednesday this week. Sending love and hugs.