MissingSquish

This is a great idea! It's about 4 hours from Long Island. Let me see if any LI wids would like to go. I have a wedding the next day, but I think this would be fun.

I am also a SOS (survivor of suicide). My late husband had severe mental illness as well as physical pain. There is a huge stigma surrounding mental illness and addiction, and it's really tough. At first, I didn't want to tell anyone how he died. I experienced a lot of the same feelings of guilt that many other SOS's do. Now, when someone asks, I tell the truth, but everyone's different, and that may not resonate with you. I did EMDR therapy to treat the PTSD that surfaced as a result of his death. It truly stopped the intrusive thoughts that were occurring every single day. Talk therapy helped me only minimally. Meeting other widows on this board in person, at bagos also really helped me to heal from his loss. Not everything is sunshine and roses after 4 1/2 years out, but my life is better now.

Hugs. I don't have more words than this.

Rob, I'm glad you reached out to your friends that mean a lot to you. It makes me so happy that they have reciprocated. I'm defintely taking notes, as I likely need to do the same with a few people here locally. I'm an introvert as well, and it's super hard for me to reach out and make the first move. I've been more content recently with keeping to myself, but it isn't doing me any favors.

Thanks everyone for all of your advice and suggestions. I was able to spend less than I made last month (which is HUGE). Still looking for some part time work, but I've got a step in the right direction.

Thank you everyone who responded. Lots of helpful tips. Have been really overwhelmed this past week.

I have been overextended financially since my husband died, but even more so since I took my new job a year and a half ago. My income is not covering my expenses now, and I've been depleting my savings really quickly. I keep to a budget as best as I can, but I have unexpected expenses every few months or so that really put me over the edge. I do pay my credit cards in full every month, and don't carry over interest. I did get a raise in January, but it was small considering my performance. I did ask for a mid-year review, and I was denied. The entirety of my small raise goes towards my 401k (I was not eligible to contribute until January). The gap is pretty big. I'm not quite sure how to attack it. I'm debating on pulling my current funding from my 401k and looking for part time work. What do you guys suggest?

I'm sorry you experienced that arneal. People are so weird.

Sending love and hugs your way. I can't think of any more comforting words at the moment. I am so sorry that you lost such a cherished member of your family.

Echoing everyone else's advice here. Also, you may want to do some EMDR counseling, as it really helps with PTSD.

My husband's best friend's wife thought I was going to steal her husband too when I was very early out (less than 6 months). He suddenly stopped talking to me, coming over to do chores for me around the house, etc. Whatever. People show who they really are. I'm glad that they are no longer in my life.

Dear Bride, Congratulations! I am so happy for you both. I appreciate you sending me invitations to both your bridal shower and your wedding. I wish you just invited me to your bachelorette party, so I could celebrate your upcoming nuptials and still preserve my mental health. Dear Bride, you see, a bridal shower is a representation of the life you will be building together with your future husband. My wish for you is that you're able to build a happy and fulfilling marriage, and these gifts are to help start you off in your new home together. I wish I could buy you the nicest thing on your registry, because you deserve it. Unfortunately, my financial circumstances have changed since my husband died. Losing his income means that I am now completely in charge of the household, with no outside financial help. I feel embarrassed that I can only afford a small gift; I really hope you registered for some things that cost less than $50. I probably won't attend the shower itself, because I'd likely be fighting back tears the entire time. You may not understand this, but I had the same bridal glow not that long ago and you remind me of myself before my world was ripped away. Bride, I feel really torn about attending your wedding. If I go to the church ceremony, it won't be as awkward if I'm crying. People cry at weddings, right? Maybe I'll just come as your ceremony is ending and follow the group of people out to the receiving line so I don't get triggered. If I decided to attend the reception, I'll probably leave right after the cocktail hour, before your first dance. That way, I can pretend that I'm not attending a wedding at all, just a nice fancy party with some good food and drink. I hope you understand I am not trying to be rude here. I know you've planned every intricate detail of this day, and I'm sorry I can't be there for everything. Love, Your friend (or relative) Young Widow

Watching some tv in bed. My body is so sore from my ride and hike earlier.

Thought I'd give a quick update. I saw her around the beginning of June, twice, but haven't really spoken to her since. When I saw her, she talked, I listened. She said she's having a hard time recently. She said she is very overwhelmed at the moment. I get the impression (though she didn't directly say it) that her husband doesn't help much with childcare when he's home. It may be because she doesn't want to burden him with it and/or wants to have control, or that he can't handle/doesn't want to take care of their son from time to time. She said that she appreciated the offers of help from me in the past, but can't quantify what her needs actually are. The bottom line is that she needs to a) get a babysitter for a few hours each week, b) she needs to see a therapist one on one more regularly and c) needs to go back on her depression/anti-anxiety medication again. We came to these solutions together, and I wasn't harsh or judge mental about the trouble she is having. I've known her for 20 years, and I can say with confidence that these are the things that she needs to get herself out of the hole she is in right now. As long as she actually follows through with these things at some point, the friendship can be saved. It will take some time to mend what was broken, but we've been through more difficult things together previously. If she doesn't do any of the above, then the friendship will be essentially over.

Ugh Maureen. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a jerk.

My maybe has turned into a no . Going to be too tough to come up there that weekend because of traffic.

Hugs CW. I am also getting triggered by a lot of things recently too. For me, it's been the upcoming election and the sad things that happened in Orlando. I'm also dealing with some disappointment with my friends recently too. Squish was the person I was able to commiserate with that people suck sometimes. I wish I had more light to shed on the subject. Sending love to all who are struggling with triggers now.

It is again sexy widow Saturday night. I dyed my hair pink tonight and am waiting for it to dry. Don't worry, it's temporary! I needed a change. What crazy things have you done today?

I've tried recoupling twice in 4 years. Both didn't work out. Both men, though nice, were just not husband #2. I'm finding more comfort and craving being alone than really trying to date.

She doesn't deserve an explanation and providing one to her would likely do nothing to give you closure. She's toxic to you.

She called me late last night to talk, but I didn't feel like picking up the phone at 10 PM. The conversation would have likely left me angry and frustrated, and would have worsened my already crappy sleep lately. She's always been a help-rejecting complainer, and it's been even worse now that she has a kid. Anytime she complains about her kid being sick, not sleeping etc, I make informed and helpful suggestions to help and she shoots them down every time. It's insulting, and that, along with her preference to spend time with our other friends that are married and have kids just reminds me of my asshole BIL. He was so ridiculously defensive and wouldn't ever let me or my husband babysit his kids, because we didn't have any kids and we couldn't possibly know how to take care of them for even a few hours.

Thanks everyone for the advice. We've texted back and forth a bit over the past few days, but it's been all surface stuff. Nothing deep. I offered to drive her to a wedding she needs to attend near me next weekend, and she hasn't responded to my offer directly. I doubt she is going to take me up on it. This is the last offer of help I'm going to extend to her. I'm distancing myself from the situation and from her from now on.

I told her not to come. I apologized for being unreasonable to ask her to do something when she already had other plans. I also apologized for insinuating that her kid wasn't sick; I didn't realize she already had other plans. I don't think there's enough left for a friendship with her to be sustained at this point. Maybe things will change in the future.

I'm not certain but I think you may be. Her life is more important to her than your's. Your life is more important to you than it is to her. These are the facts. It's generally true for all of us. But isn't that the way is should be? Each of us, with our own specific life demands, cannot always help our buddies to the extent that they would wish we could. I wish it was different but that's just the way it is. Best wishes - Mike All relationships have some sort of expectation on each side. If either party is being unreasonable in their expectations of the other and is disappointed, then I think that would fall within the realm of overreacting. Maybe asking her to come to something when her in laws are in town was being unreasonable, however, it is not unreasonable to want honestly from the other person. Her life is very different from my life now. Holidays are a time of rest and reflection for me, as I am not in contact with my family. For her, they are a time of obligation and stress. She works from home, but has some more free time during the day. My work schedule leaves no free time, and I'm usually only able to speak after work.

Scoobs is on the couch in his usual position. I've been icing my feet all evening (plantar fasciitis) in preparation for the charity walk I'm doing tomorrow. No TV on, just YouTube.