MissingSquish

Thank you all for the prayers and positive thoughts. This is so hard.

As some of my Facebook wid friends know, Pru was just diagnosed with aggressive bone cancer in her shoulder this morning. We have an appointment with a veterinary oncologist on Wednesday, so I'll get more information on what can be done to help (pain relieving or palliative, because it can't be cured). She launched herself off the bed this morning, and re-injured her shoulder more to the point that she isn't weight bearing at all on the leg. The vet gave her a fentanyl patch to relieve some pain and she's a bit sleepy and not wanting to move much. Totally torn up about this. Her prognosis is not very good, as it's already metastatic and in her chest. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

A bit of food for thought before some suggestions. Why does he have to be so busy and overscheded? Does he have websites for his two side businesses? If he doesn't, he should invest in creating one for each business. Make sure to have a Contact me form with an email address that it gets routed to and to not include his cell phone number on his sites. He'll be able to more easily screen out what requires his immediate attention versus what doesn't. Automatic scheduled Do not Disturb from and to certain hours. Mine is scheduled from 10:30PM-7AM daily. I do answer emails/calls after 10:30, but only if it's pressing and requires my immediate attention. I do absolutely answer work emails/calls on my days off, but I am fortunate that my work only contacts me if it's important. Google voicemail with text/email transcriptions. Again, this helps him to determine what is pressing versus what isn't if he doesn't answer his phone when it rings.

Glad to see you around these parts SimiRed. Sending you support as you continue on your path.

Awesome! So happy that you nailed it!

CaptainsWife and I are having a sexy feast right now. Lobster, steamers, potatoes, grilled corn and wine (of course). No better way to spend a SWSN!

He is the biggest douchebag on the face of the planet. I certainly hope he never makes it to the Oval Office.

So excited for the lunch

Thanks so much. This is so tough.

Back at work today, and the distraction was good. Just looking forward to my long weekend with Captainswife in a few days.

Sending some hugs your way friend.

Sexy widowed Saturday night is upon us again. I went out for a nice motorcycle ride this morning, but I am still struggling with grief induced sleep loss. I keep waking up at 3 AM and am unable to go back to sleep. Still walking around in a bit of a daze and missing my uncle terribly. I've tried soothing music, warm bath before bed, lavender and extra anti-anxiety meds. Not working. Nope. Nada. I know it's going to take a bit of time to process all of this. Tried walking a bit more today, and will try to get into hot yoga tomorrow morning and see if the excercise helps me.

I feel at peace right now. Sad, but at peace. I am going to miss my uncle tons, no doubt. I whispered into his ear this morning, "till we meet again, save a place for me". I can honestly say I have no bad memories of him. Ever. I had a great relationship with him. I lived my life. He lived his life. We had mutual respect and understanding for each other. He loved me. I loved him. He knew I loved him. I knew he loved me. I've gotten a few signs from Squish the past few days that he's taking care of my uncle up there. Squish's favorite (and obscure) song came on the radio on Sunday. Driving home from the wake last night, Jack Johnson's Upside Down came on the radio.

Thanks so much guys. Love you all.

Thanks widow besties. I was fortunate to have a visit from Meandthekids last night at the wake. You guys are the best.

Thank you guys so much. Wake is this afternoon and evening. I got through the first part of the wake ok. Funeral and burial is tomorrow. I know tomorrow is going to be really hard.

Thanks swilson. Today was hard. My manager or the CIO asked for info for the services, so they might be attending and meeting my family (gulp) for the first time. Should be interesting.

Thank you guys so much. Spoke with my manager through email and am planning on taking off Wednesday through Friday (services start Wednesday). He asked if I needed to take tomorrow off too, and I said I would rather be caught up on work knowing that I'll be out for 3 days. I'm not 100% sure I'll speak with my manager about my widowed status at work. I've received some interesting opinions on the contrary, and I think I'll have to weigh this one out and see if it feels right to talk about. One wise widow said to me today: "it's grief, they're going to expect sadness. They just don't need to know the roots of it"

Thanks Maureen. I know you're right that I shouldn't fear telling them at this point. I just sent an email to my manager requesting bereavement leave. Haven't heard back from him yet, but I'm sure we will speak either today or tomorrow.

Thanks guys for your support. Just found out from my mom that her sister is being admitted to the hospital (this is actually common for her sister), so services might be postponed beyond Tuesday. I guess this is an opportunity to tell work that I am widowed. I don't know.

My mom's twin brother, my uncle was like a second dad to me. They found him on his front steps after being dead for 12 hours. He was divorced, had no kids. I hadn't seen him since Christmas (when I ran into him at the mall) but he was always a great guy. I am in total shock. He had a heart attack a year ago, but had a quadruple bypass and seemed to be doing ok. Services are Tuesday, I don't know much else further than that.

Thanks for all of the love and support here. <3.

We had no takers anyways for last weekend

I've been under some extreme stress with my job recently (good stress, just been a bit overwhelmed). I've been working a lot of hours, including some at home. I was dead tired from the go-go-go on Friday evening. A couple of friends were getting together Friday night, and I felt obligated to attend. I was getting ready to leave the house, and I put Pru (mine and Squish's dog) in her crate, and she gave me this look that just melted me. I left the house anyways, but turned around and went home after being in the car for 5 minutes. For most of the past 3 years, I've been living in a very detached state (most of my childhood was spent like this too). I've been working very hard with my EMDR therapist to bring me back down to earth, which has been a real struggle. But Pru was the one that brought it all together for me on Friday. I could finally see the look of genuine love, compassion, concern and understanding in her eyes. Despite the fact that she follows me around pretty much everywhere, she is not a hugely affectionate dog. She rarely gives kisses and doesn't really enjoy snuggling a whole lot. That look of love is where the REAL meaning of life is. It surrounds us, it envelops us, it lifts us up when we are at the depths of despair. It is the reason why all of us are still on this planet, though our spouses and SO's are not. LOVE is inside of all of us, no matter how horrible our own personal circumstances. Chances are, there is/are being(s) around each and every one of us that truly love us. No, it's not going to be the same as the love from our late spouses/SO's. It won't be the same even if we recouple with another. All of this realization happening brought upon a dream visitation from Squish last night. I can't remember exactly what happened in the dream, but when I woke up, I didn't feel like I needed to go back to sleep again to be with him (and that's what's happened every other time I've dreamt of him). It is ok. I am ok. I will be ok in the future. We will all be ok.

Huge hugs!