DansSoulmate

I'm a country music fan and think "Fly" by Maddie and Tae sums up where I'm at in this journey: http://tasteofcountry.com/maddie-tae-fly/ ?So keep on climbing, though the ground might shake / Just keep on reaching though the limb might break / We?ve come this far, don?t you be scared now / Cause you can learn to fly on the way down,?

Here are a few of mine: >Last night I ate a candy bar and ice cream for dinner. But, in my defense, I did eat a healthy lunch. >At 6 months, the last towel Dan used is still hanging in the master bathroom. I'm not in a rush to move it. >I workout, clean the house and hang out on the deck listening to Dan's ipod. There are lots of great memories in those songs so it brings smiles and tears. >Early on I would "embrace" or "hug" his pillow, warm it up and then move it in position to "spoon" me. crazy, right?

Yes, I read the book and saw the movie. But, the funny story is that I had invited my daughter to join me but she brought all of her in-laws too (it was around the holdays), including Grammie who is 87 years old. I thought the movie was true to the book but it definitely has some rather naughty and "raw" moments in it..Grammie was not amused From the perspective, though, of someone boldly taking this type of strenuous journey, working through lots of personal struggles, gaining strength in the process and finding peace, I loved it!

because it makes me feel good every time i type it

Hi, I agree about the video on happiness and would recommend it as well. I also wanted to share that a few weeks ago I joined a book club (meetup group) devoted to reading spiritual growth pieces and am working my way through a list I found of the most influential spiritual books of the past 50 years, http://matadornetwork.com/bnt/10-most-influential-spiritual-books-of-the-past-50-years/. Most of them are a fairly short read, including "Jonathan Livingston Seagull", "Tuesdays With Morrie", "The Four Agreements" and "Eat, Pray, Love". In particular I have throughly enjoyed "The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living" with some very good tools, I believe, to allow one to lead a happy life. And, for those who may not have the attention span/focus to be able to read right now, I have found some of these books on places like youtube (audio version of "The Celestine Prophecy", for example) and netflix, summary of "The Secret". It's been a real help for me at 6 months out as I'm working through what's next for me and doing my very best to find/create a peaceful life.

At the funeral home by an employee as I was sitting on the edge of the seat scared senseless bracing myself for having to identify his body and make arrangements, "Are you ok?"..umm..well..let's see..my husband just died (in front of me) 30 some hours ago so the answer would be "NO". At the memorial service by one of his customers.."You look gooooodddd".well thanks, I'm actually still in a state of shock so I'm lucky to have two matching shoes and clothes on From his mother three days after his death from a heart attack, "YOU should have MADE him go to the cardiologist"..seriously..he was 50 so capable of making his own decisions about his health care and not that long ago he had been to a cardiologist as well as had a stress test.

Thanks for starting this thread as our experiences seem to be rather similar. Dan's family had a long history of heart disease and heart attacks so we knew the risk and were being so careful about regular dr. visits, exercise and diet. He had actually been to the dr. a few months before his death and everything was great. So, on 9/27/2014 it was a normal Saturday night for us eating dinner on the deck, sitting by the fire pit with a glass of wine and then watching television before bed. There was absolutely no indication that day or during that evening anything was wrong. At about 9:30 p.m. Dan got up from the recliner, walked outside to the deck, came back inside, grabbed the left side of his chest and told me he thought he was having a heart attack. I asked if I should call 911 and he said that i should do that while he sat back down in the recliner. I ran for the phone begging for immediate assistance then turned around to see beads of sweat on his forehead, one belch/burp and then a huffing type breath with a total blank stare/completely nonresponsive. We live next to a fire station so we had always assumed they would be there immediately but that didn't happen for a variety of reasons, mostly procedural. So, there we were, just the two of us, me doing what I could but knowing in my heart I was basically witnessing Dan's last moments. When the paramedics finally arrived they found a shallow pulse but after that nothing. I remember asking if he was breathing when they wheeled him out of the house to go to the hospital and the response was "they are still working on him" but there didn't seem to be any action to validate that statement. When I arrived at the hospital the Dr. painted a bleak picture but, for the most part, I already knew and shortly thereafter I was told he was gone. So, within the span of 1 hour he was here and then completely gone and the 35 years we were together, 30 years of marriage, came to an end. But, if he could have scripted his departure, this is exactly the way he wanted to go. I am so thankful for the time we had together, have absolutely no regrets and look forward to seeing him again later. Interestingly enough my oldest daughter is due with a baby boy on his birthday in August which, in my mind, isn't a coincidence. .

One other suggestion..I mentioned reading in my earlier post and wanted to share a blog that really spoke to me very early on largely because of the similarity of a sudden death but the words she has written, I believe, are universal and so beautiful. I hope it helps others: http://www.cragman.com/index.html

One of the posts on YWBB described your grief much like a snowflake, unique to your relationship and who you are as a person. Your friends will likely change but that's alright because, in my experience, those who replace them are much better. I would echo the advice to keep clothing as at almost 6 months I am having memory teddy bears made for my daughters. Instead of the clothes he wore to their weddings they actually want to use his work clothes (complete with oil stains) so you never know what you might want to have later. Dan had a business that I had to handle and liquidate it in those early months (while grieving hard) so I agree you do need to ask for help but be alert to those who may not have your best interest in mind. I had a very small group of people who took care of anyone who was trying to take advantage. I talk (and yell) at Dan on a regular basis and that has worked well for me. Reading, particularly this board, talking to other widows to pick and choose from their decisions/path and journaling have all been helpful to me. Finally, I would say in those early days having a notebook to capture notes and information was helpful to me as I was taking in next to nothing. At almost 6 months, though, I feel less like a zombie, laugh every now and then, and am feeling stronger every day. And, I know you will as well!

Here we are with his own motorcycle and his other wife, Maggie the Sheltie, who I'm sure is thoroughly enjoying their long walks together

Dan was a skilled machinest and high performance Harley Davidson motorcycle mechanic so here he is riding a custom chopper he built

Hi, my name is Michelle and while I have read and learned so much from the YWBB over the past several months I never posted until now as I'm in a better place to do so. On 9/27/2014 I lost my husband of 30 years to a catastrophic and immediate heart attack here at home with absolutely no forewarning or symptoms. From the second he told me he thought he was having a heart attack until he was gone at the hospital was a little over an hour. We were high school sweethearts and had raised two daughters, both now married, so this was to finally be the time for lots of travelling and enjoying our freedom. It's still unbelievable to me that he is gone.