mmg19

One in family room. Basic cable. On week-ends I hook up X-box for the boys when they ask. DH and I were in agreement that we wanted no TV's in bedrooms. Considering dropping cable since the cost does not justify the use. Boys like sports programs and that seems to be our major use of TV.

Today as I was leaving for grocery store I saw my elderly neighbor in his yard not moving well. Stopped and asked if they needed anything from store. His reply touched my heart. Yes, he did need a few things. List was in his pocket. Said he was just getting ready to go to store but was afraid of driving today since he was feeling dizzy. He was so appreciative and my day has been so much better.

klim really nailed it. Not to this point but in an exclusive relationship. Just the thought of losing my boys trust extinguishes any thought of a sleepover. I'm facing the teenage years with my boys and aware that they will be facing a lot of sexual questions regarding their own sexuality.

I'm so sorry. It is painful to lose a friend. Relish the memories of this friendship. Since losing a dear friend several years ago, I've become a better friend to those in my life now. Friends are the icing on the cake in the realm of relationships. Sending prayers and hugs to comfort you and all those who are grieving this lost.

I think you have become more emotionally available as this post has evolved. Started out trying to understand your emotions and what you actually wanted. From what you've said you both learned a lot about yourselves.

I think you gave a stellar answer when you said we're figuring it out. You must be doing a superior job because my guess is you are being paid a compliment. Looking back over the past 1.5 years, many comments were made by people who truly care but at the time I could not respond without feeling they did not know what they were saying. As we figure it out we also become more confident in our own abilities and more emphatic toward all DGI comments. For 6 months I struggled and your words resonated with me. Looking back I realize I had so much help from friends and family. I wasn't the only one grieving. Just take "I don't know how you do it" as a compliment and keep moving forward. ((Hugs)) to you and your son.

Good ideas on this thread. With change of season, my summer time go to meals are more hamburgers, hotdogs, and fresh seasonal veggies.

Happy for you and your son. Thanks for sharing the joy. Makes me smile this morning.

Wow! This thread is going in lots of directions. I'm only just at the point of contemplating the possibility of a relationship. So no relationship comments from me. BUT your friend's advice about keep having sex because of Maslow's hierarchy is classic high school psychology. That was a basic need when there was an instinct to procreate or reproduce. Doesn't hold water with self-actualization in further advanced studies dealing with success, happiness, loving socialization, creativity, and most of what makes us uniquely human. The bus and a bunch of widowswidowers is cracking me up. Sense of humor is a need.

Thanks to all who responded. The consensus appears to be time spent with our children. For me it is just a different form of time. Toddlers time does not require focusing and well thought out responses to questions. As adolescents our responses and communication has much more depth. Actually I find myself looking forward to the next few years. Don't deceive myself into believing it will all be a smooth ride but so very grateful that at this point my boys have a good rapport with me. My bf's only comments.were to make sure to remember my Actions/behaviors speak louder than Words. Hugs to all of you with adolescents. We can do this.

Would like thoughts on widow/widowers and raising adolescents. This past week-end I attended a seminar with speakers discussing the latest statistics on adolescent behavior, drug use, arrests, and school problems. I had erroneously thought since my boys are 12 and 14 and can pretty well take care of themselves, my time would become more of my own. Wrong! According to the latest studies parental leave from full time work is more needed during the adolescent years and early teen years than at the newborn toddler stage. A good nanny can adequately bathe, feed, interact, and care for children in the early years. Parental time is important but for the child's well being and emotional growth just being in the house with the child provides security and small amounts of interaction at different intervals during the day and evening are sufficient to provide success in bonding, social and emotional adjustment, and healthy physical growth. Adolescents need more conversation and interaction. The after school hours from 3-6 when the child is not being supervised is the prime time for unhealthy behaviors and drug experimentation. Parents, and in our situation, the only parent needs some social time with adults but the kids are too old for a sitter and not old enough to always make good choices and are much more influenced by peers and the culture. What is the solution? Lots of information has been hitting the press and the internet in the past few weeks. Unfortunately, it is easy to think your children are more mature and this doesn't apply to me. Dealing with teenagers, under the best of circumstances, is daunting. Doing this alone is not easy and the world is rapidly changing with social media and family deterioration. I'm not suggesting hovering, total control, or micromanaging teenagers. Just working on the best way to enjoy my kids adolescent years while providing the tools and values they will need to be successful adults. My kids are academically doing well. I know their friends and frequently we have them in our home. The sports and school activities are their social life. But, I'm aware of the drug use even in the best communities and homes. DH and I left the kids with family and would have 2/3 day alone trips a couple of times a year. He always said, "Enjoy it now, it ends when they reach 13". We joked about this and were aware that this would not happen when they were older. Anyone else have adolescents and is it harder?

I'm so sorry and wish I had words of wisdom or a magic wand to make things better. You are handling this with finesse. It is easy far afar and not knowing any of the people involved to offer advice. Everything you have done is spot on from my standpoint. Faith and commitment are important to me. Girls at 14 can be so self-absorbed and rebellions and usually do not know what they want. On the upside you will have the cleanest house around and maybe add using a toothbrush to scrub the bathroom grout. I'll say a little prayer for you and your family and wish you some peaceful week-end time.

Loved LisaPop's response. Hit the nail on the head for me. Trust and integrity are what attracts me and this doesn't happen immediately. Being physically attractive is nice but it won't make a relationship. Trust and integrity aren't visual and it takes months to actually feel the attraction. If it is a date you are interested in and nothing more, then being easy on the eyes may be an asset. All I have to go on is what worked with DH and I. We were friends and kept it platonic for months. There was an attraction and chemistry but the more we knew about each other, the more I became aware that his words matched his behavior and he was so much more than a passionate attraction that could be fleeting. My view of relationships as a widow, mother, and in my 40's is very different from my college days and 20's. Not saying I won't go on a date based mostly on attraction but at this point in my life I'd like to think I am wiser and can't chalk up mistakes to experience. Bottom life for me is going to be trust, respect, and integrity and that will take a lot more than physical attributes.

1. Easter worship at church. 2. Family here for week-end. 3/ Unexpected visit from out of town friends. Boys and I loved catching up.

Made some really yummy appetizers for "Elite 8 basketball party" with in-laws. Really like and respect my co-workers. Started Monday with all laundry folded and put away.

Saturday while out in the neighborhood, I could hear a commotion and children crying. Noticed it was a neighbor that is much younger with 2 toddlers. The problem was she needed to go to grocery store and the toddlers did not want to go. I offered to watch the toddlers, actually I had to insist I watch them and she should have a shopping trip alone. I plan on repeating this kindness more often. Delivered vases of flowers from the church to a nursing home. My goal is to be like DonnaP and make kindness a habit that is just a part of living.

This is a great thread. At times I feel my parenting failures far out weigh parenting successes. It's good to reflect and look at the entire picture. Both of my boys have done well academically this year. Their teachers have commented on the study habits and the completion of projects started. This thread has made me realize that the daily encouragement(sometimes nagging) that has become part of our daily routine is teaching them the value of school work and the responsibility of doing the best they can. Another success is being a team player. Both boys know that for this family we all pitch in. Everybody cleans, cooks, does chores, and helps each other. Sometimes it is not pleasant and the bickering stars, but after 15 months I am starting to hear "Do you need help? Let's work together and then we can go out and play." Not huge successes but better than the alternative. I still have trouble comprehending that I am doing this alone without an adult male in the house.

1. Grateful to be in church today. 2. Grateful for my family who continually support me with love and kindness. 3. Grateful for the time my family shares with my boys.

This thread is my best motivator. Buy Shark steam mop today and use it. Put all folded laundry away. Clean refrigerator and THEN go grocery shopping today.

I have 1 friend which I definitely feel is an empath. She has never discussed or mentioned this but she can not watch TV shows dealing with cruelty, violence, and high drama. This applies to much of the news as of late. Her sensitivity to the emotions of others is just overwhelming. Interestingly, she feels the emotional joy and happiness of others just as strongly as the pain and grief of others. Rather intrigued by this topic because she is the epitome of all the good qualities one seeks in life. Meditate she does not but is a real advocate of the power of prayer. I don't feel these two action are non-exclusive.

1. Got registered today. 2. Working to get house ready to sell in May and already have an offer. 3. Friends from out of town came by this week-end. Wonderful time together.