mmg19

I'm not 18 months out and starting a different career path. Necessity is the mother of invention is an English proverb meaning that difficult or impossible scenarios prompt inventions aimed at reducing the difficulty.[2] Although I have a college degree, it is not marketable or not for me in my location. I went to work out of necessity 2 months after LH's passing. Not in my field or even my comfort zone but it paid the bills and good people to work with. For the past year I have taken classes needed and just passed the required tests to be certified to teach. This week I have been hired as a middle school science teacher for the fall term. I am scared of the unknown and at the same time excited about the opportunity to actually begin on a career path. At 45 I figure I have 25 working years ahead of me and I can do this. Actually this career is very compatible with my life as a single parent. I will be leaving old job Aug. 1 and start new one Aug. 10. My boys are so happy with this change. We can do this. My new favorite saying is "Necessity is the mother of invention". Changing careers in middle age is not that unusual in the workplace. (((Hugs))) Brenda. Good Luck with finding your new career.

I was replying at the same time as SOVerySad and she said everything I was thinking. You are not a doormat. You appear to be concerned about feelings of others that are important to you. Your comment "and it didn't even occur to me that he should go." says your first instinct was right. Old friends, your kids friends, a graduation party given by friends you obviously have been close to for a long time. The issues between your kids, you, and new guy are for another day. Enjoy the party with your children and friends. I don't know how serious you and new guy are but I'd pick my battles carefully. Time works wonders.

Wise words indeed. Thanks for sharing.

((HUGS)) Mac.

Thanks Virgo. Needed a laugh today and this worked like a charm. If laughter is the best medicine, my health is good for a month.

I am moving forward and this week I am content on embracing the future with choices I'm making. My house sold. I'm going to rent for 1 year and then buy a smaller more affordable house. The man I'm seeing commented this week that I did not need to do this alone. He is really a good person and has qualities I admire. BUT I do need to do this alone. I'm happy with my life right now and need much more time to process in my mind what I have to offer to a relationship. This is just me right now. It hit me with his comment that I'm much more than what appears on the surface. He deserves so much more than what I would bring to a relationship. Actually I'm excited with the possibilities ahead of me. Just realized that because I was happy in my marriage and loved being married did not mean I had nothing to contribute otherwise. Not naive in my thinking that I will never have bad days, lonely nights, and exhaustive parenting trials, but it's my time to find out if I have the faith, strength, and courage to not settle.

SM- Good to hear from you. Your comment " How to grieve the illusion of what I thought it would be" is so appropriate. You were blindsided and only saw the good. Reality is painful but brings you to where you need to be. You are so much more than an object to be manipulated. You can do this. Life is waiting for you. Sending prayers and happy thoughts.

Thinking and praying for you SR. Just want you to know we're here for you. Be safe.

I am so inspired and impressed with your strength. You took your life back. You are a woman and mother and have taken the hardest step. Glad you are not alone. Get all the help you need and don't be beaten down. My prayers have been going up and will continue to be at the top of my prayer list. You are amazing. Use this board for support. Words of encouragement are coming your way.

Continuing with thoughts, prayers, and encouragement. Be safe.

Continuing to send good thoughts and prayers your way. It's going to be OK.

SimiRed - I believe in prayer. It is, has been, and will be tomorrow my source of strength. Your journey has touched my heart. Right now I feel your anguish over dealing with your situation. I will be praying for you. You have so much courage and your honesty stands out. You can do whatever you need to do and handle the fallout. Asking for prayers and whatever each of us use will says alot for your sincerity. We all have made mistakes. Right now you don't need to hear our mistakes but you do need our collective concern for you. Use this board to have a lifeline. You did not mention family or close friends so it may be necessary to lend hard. It's OK. I'll keep you and your son in prayer.

Took extra food to the food pantry at church yesterday. Signed up to volunteer at food pantry 1 hr. a week.

Appreciate this info. I had not yet checked the capital gains tax and was really outdated on my knowledge. The calculators I will be trying this week-end. I certainly did not have a gain that would cause tax. Actually with my equity and profit I will be able to not have a large mortgage. FICO was impacted by debt to credit ratio and that should start going up rapidly now that all credit cards are paid off. No other derogatory records, no bankruptcy, or liens. I can get a loan but don't like the interest rate when I know in a short time it will be lower for me. The renting only concerns me that I will have very little outdoor space. My boys (12 and 14) will be spending a lot of time with grandparents this summer and have a week of camp so it won't be too bad. At least the townhouse available for rent is in same school district and a short work commute for me. Thanks for telling me about the calculators.

Thanks. Donswife - I'm not attached and the selling was not difficult for the boys either. I understand where you are coming from. You are so right about the upkeep. I really worked on repairs and maintenance this past year so it would sell. Family and friends painted all the inside and outside is at its best right now which I think helped sell it fast. MissinGrizz - As far as tax break, I think I have a year to buy without penalty. I did make a profit and the equity was considerable and my goal originally was to be able to have a very small loan to buy since I would be downsizing. My boys like sharing a room so going to a 2-bedroom townhouse is no problem for them. We all end up in the same room now if we watch tv or family stuff. So losing a rec.room is no big deal. BrokenHeart2 - Sure is a journey but not one a wanted. The year of illness, treatments, and limited income did a number on our income as well as create credit card debt. I had to look for full time vs. the part time work I had before DH died. It's the decision making that is hard right now. Need to stay in school district for boys, keep commute to work as short as possible, and not let boys feel their lives are experiencing another traumatic change. I'm aware this change is different for everyone. It's been 15 years since I've rented and I liked the stability of owning my home, but the biggest part of that stability is gone. Half of the stability is gone and I waited as long as I could do make the change. Renting in grad school and no children and even the first years of marriage seem like a different lifetime. We rented and saved to buy a home now I'd be renting to fund retirement and save for college. Sometimes it is mind boggling and I'm doubting I'm up to the task.

My house has sold and I need to decide whether to rent or buy smaller house. Downsizing was a financial necessity and although I have kept payments up to date the upkeep and maintenance have kept me on a bare bones budget. My options are a townhouse to rent which would allow me to fully fund the match of my 401 and build up the emergency fund. A house is for sale in area which I could afford but the taxes, insurance, upkeep would put me above the amount of what it would cost to rent. Another option would be to rent for a year and save as much as possible to buy later. My FICO score hopefully would be higher in a year and I could get a lower interest rate. Credit cards are finally paid off but it will take a while to raise score. Any thoughts, suggestions, or experience with a transition from owing to renting would be appreciated.

1. Reached my goal weight today. (6 months of portion control) 2. Received a promising offer on my house. 3. FIL commented to me at reunion yesterday that the man I have been getting to know was a class act with core values and a man's man. Don't know if that should be mentioned on here but it sure validated what I am seeing in him.

Find myself missing be grateful for the good things. I'm slowing down today. 1. It's a 3 day week-end and have a family reunion that will renew connections. 2. Boys have successfully completely another year of school and have thrived. 3. Searched and found old recipes that I haven't used in years and am preparing for family get-together.

This story cuts to the bone. I'm so sorry. This took courage to share and I'm sending prayers and big HUGS to you and your son.

Congrats!! Great team effort.

With a 12 and a 14 yr. old, they are too old for a sitter and yet not old enough for long periods of time unchaperoned. The boys are close to grandparents and usually once a week go to their house after school. This varies depending on activities but I do have a dinner, walk by the river, or adult conversation time with male friend. Since warm weather has arrived, we have been included in cook-outs in the neighborhood on week-ends and have been able to maintain friendships with families DH and I were friends with for years.

Prayers are going up at this moment for you. Glad you are getting the medical care you need.

AG has put into words what I was thinking. At 45 and with two children I am cautious. Yet, I want marriage and total commitment again . However, there is no need to rush until we are sure it is right for us. To me that means the rest of my life. Growing old together. Enjoying grandchildren together. Being ready to physically and emotionally be there in sickness and health is something I want to be very committed to. Comments made on an internet site are usually made from the poster's perspective and experience. We don't know you, but I can relate to your fear and think taking your time and thinking it through will help you make the right decision.

This has been an interesting read. Not into labels and for me I am a little of both. Safety of my children is the first consideration and from there it's a lot of common sense. Teaching a child to be responsible and develop independent thinking skills does not happen without a lot of time, effort, and hard work. My area is considered safe but no way would I be comfortable allowing free range with no regard to where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing. That being said I am comfortable with going to a friend's house in area and checking in with me as well as being home on time. My boys frequently are brought home from soccer practice my another parent but they are aware never to accept a ride from one parent who I consider an unsafe driver. No seat belt rule and phone texting while driving. The Philadelphia scenario of 3 hours of free time is not safe in my way of thinking. The kids were smarter than the chaperones. Parenting is the most difficult and the most enjoyable job I've ever had. Being firm, consistent, and loving trumps the parenting label in my book.

Choices and/or decisions are not always easy. I admire your passion and your ability to have career choices and support. My children are older being 12 and 14. Although I have a degree in a field I love, it is not one with marketable skills in my area nor one that is compatible with being a single Mom. I am thankful that I do have a job which pays the bills, provides health benefits, and has hours that work for my family. Wish I had had the vision to select a health care field when in college. You are a smart woman and will make the right decision at the right time.