Sugarbell

At a murder mystery 80s costume party a few months ago. He's ultra private-but figured with the costume he's incognito.

No not change HIm...just help him get a bad habit under control...you know like when I stopped smoking years ago-I didn't change the person I was...just broke my unhealthy habit. Yea I know I an reaching--but I like his work ethic, dedication...just hate his phone. :-[

Yes! Ben and I were too Maureen. (iNTJ and a ESFP) But then there were some core things about our upbringing that were very similar.

In 2002 is when I had my first child. That's when we both turned the focus off work 24/7.

Yeah it's the damn phone. Now that I think about it...When DH and I were workaholics from 1997-2002....there wasn't the texts, emails via phone-no one was attached to there phones. Shoot our work laptop was hooked up dial up in the basement office-we didn't even have laptops upstairs. So not turning work off...was pretty much the two of us talking shop together-not hooked up and taking it with us everywhere. I think technology has made workaholics unable to unplug-you can take it everywhere. And it has changed the way we interact, social graces etc. I feel like a bitch...but damn....I like to compartmentalize--it's how I balance things. But to him...a potential customer could call to set up a time to pick up a mattress, etc...or a team ordering a bunch of sporting goods...and in his head if he doesn't answer that's 1,000 lost. But it's starting to grate on me.

Yes and No. DH and I were opposites in many ways....I found it intriguing....But we had some core fundamental things about ourselves/background that made life easy to blend. New guy and I ....pretty much the same way. I have been out with guys that were the complete polar opposite of me...and while at first it didn't bother either of us...in time it became a deal breaker. But I certainly don't someone the same as me. Lord no. That would be a train wreck.

You fit here!! I can tell you...after my 6 month mess--when the divorce happened...I was really at my lowest. Possibly lower than when I first became a widow (in a different way) because I felt lost...utterly clueless As to where I fit..where I go..what I do now. I don't know the details of your situation-I don't know where you live now or how far you moved from your old home. You can PM me anytime if you need to talk. I took a year off here while with him...and when I came back at first felt awkward and lost-but everyone was accepting and welcomed me. I clawed my way back into the world of the living. It took me months/years to gain back the respect of some people. But it happened. I moved on..I grew...I found myself again over time. Now I am damn proud of myself-but 4 years ago I was literally scared to death. Almost paralyzed with fear. You can do this! You have already taken a courageous step leaving. (((hugs))

Well yeah I have taken/turned off the phone...and my daughter takes it and plays trivia crack. But literally....it rings like over 25 times when he's here for a 24 hour period. He answers it's always either work...a potential customer (mattresses and sporting goods) coaches, kids, kids parents...university people. The coaches are the morons who text all night. No he's not messing around with anyone it's all work related. I accept it...someone who is busy and ambitious is a turn on for me. Trust me there are plenty of lazy dudes that I used to have to kick off my couch. And DH and I met thru work-and for a few years worked hard and played hard and never turned work off. I know a lot of women couldn't deal with it. I can....but I am starting to think he needs some moderation a little. And yea the phone buzzes or rings during sex ....and no he never answers. The sex is amazing...goes with the whole extreme personality of his. Not looking to change him-just honestly looking for ways to get him to tune work out. I can take the phone-but his mind is still on it. Just not used to that much work shit. It's been years since I was that way . Movies....on vibrate....and has walked out to Answer a call. Movie at home-always answers.

I mean the phone goes off while we are asleep, at dinner, movie, having sex...you name it. It buzzed all freakinh night last night. Till like 2 am.

I thought I was a Workalcholic-I am not...but guy friend is. When we went on vacation-phone/email/texts were going on constantly. Even though he took vacation-he spent a least 2 hours a day answering messages/emails/taking calls. This weekend when he was here....the phone was buzzing all evening. He is coaching high school football right now...and works full time....and has his 2 side businesses. So it was constant. He's very attentive and good to me--and even offered not to coach football this season (he's an assistant-not employed with public school system so it's easy to say no) I told him I wanted him to be him...that he loves coaching and is good with the kids...not to change anything on my account. And I am cool with it....and his job.....throw in his 2 businesses and the man goes non stop. So this weekend I said "You need to unplug-turn it off....just for a few hours....you are non stop" He agreed and said "You're right....but I don't know how. How do I do that?" I had no suggestions. Any workaholics out there who have found a way to turn it all off?

I can leave 12 year old in charge for a few hours. Never more than 3 or 4 and they all 3 call me like every 15 minutes. But I am on a tight time schedule when he's in charge and never leave the valley area. I correct every divorced friend (nicely) when they say "Yeah single parenting is tough"....I say "Yeah I am solo-24/7" But they still don't get it...it's ok...glad they don't....But lord I would love to have a little flexibility of adult time without planning months in advance for it.

Oh it's such a juggling act..... This weekend was an example--was supposed to camp and go to a music festival with friends. Got 12 year old to friends house-8 and 10 year kid were going with us. 10 year old gets double ear infection. Friday. He was in lots of pain-my parents offered to keep him-The Mom guilt told me to stay home. I wouldn't have had a good time anyway being worried. So canceled. We are all home. My girlfriends who are divorced and at the festival understand but have never had any concept that I do not get certain weekends off. My guy friend is amazing---80 percent of our dates the kids are with us (dinner, movie, etc)....But some days I need a time out.

No. Bush will be the nominee for Rep party. If he doesn't win it legitimately...The Bush dynasty will steal it for him. History has proven this.

Yeah I must have missed that you weren't giving full info on yourself. Something that new guy did...his profile basically said nothing-no pics, not right location. He messages me his name-told me where to find him on FB...Was very open OFF the site. And yeah I googled him...and a lady a few years ahead of me in high school had worked for him and gave him a thumbs up. Basically lives in a little town-works at a university-coaches 2 high school sports and didn't want kids/students seeing him on there. So maybe you should give each other other avenues to communicate so everyone starts out honest and on the same page.

Yes we need a new principal. I seriously doubt that will ever happen-unless she does something illegal. Which could happen eventually-something isn't right with her. Well at least I now have only 2 kids there. It's a big relief because my oldest class was by far the worst class for cliques and drama (from parents)--Hopefully high school will be less encouraging of that nonsense.

Get full name-general area where they live (in case they are like John smith etc-something very common) and google them. You will be surprised everything you can find out about a person.

My oldest son is helping raise money for our team ...but made it very clear he doesn't want to be at the walk. I respect his decision. We skipped it all together last year because I really needed away from it. My younger 2 are fine going. This year I kinda got roped back in with the forming of our AFSP chapter (we were one of only 6 states not to have one).... So I am walking/helping...speaking..not sure. They have tried to get other local SOS to speak on TV about the walk or be interviewed for the paper. I always refuse because of my kids-mostly my oldest. It's not that I am ashamed at all-I just have to respect my kids lives in this tiny area. But yet-When I lost DH there was no chapter, no walks...Nothing. I was very isolated in my grief (except this board) and we have made amazing strides in this tiny area with suicide prevention/awareness (prevention is now mandatory teaching in all middle/high school health classes thanks to a new law passed this year. When I think of DH-I no longer focus on suicide-We made peace with each other a few years ago. But yet-I know how much I needed support/peers/knowing I wasn't alone in the beginning of this mess years ago. Maybe the answer will come to me-right now I am still unsure

I will try to keep this concise. I have tried to still do volunteer work for Suicide Prevention behind the scenes. We finally have a state chapter AFSP...and after 2 years of taking a break from out of darkness walk...I agree to raise money this year. I have been asked to be the main speaker that day. It's in our city park..Our team has been there for years-and the walk coordinator approached me. I told her I needed to think about it. It's such an emotionally draining day/walk..and it's in Sept this year-2 days after my 8 year mark. A part of me wants to...because speakers in past years have been rather down...depressing...crying...That I am at a stage I could be more uplifting and hopeful. But my kids...my life now. I want to continue doing volunteer work in drug prevention/suicide prevention...but I don't want to be in the past. I want to lift myself and others up...not bring myself down. And it's such a heavy duty topic...but yet I feel I "should" speak and offer hope....I just don't know if I "want" to. Does that make sense?

Ok...so it's not the norm. I didn't think so....this never existed until this principal came to the school in 2010. She crosses so many professional boundaries anyway. It's creepy...like taking her favorite 6 5th grade girls out to lunch and ice cream on school time (Thank God my boys were in 4th and 6th grade). Like something isn't right about her. And right now on FB....there are parents discussing how traumatized their daughter or son is because they got the class list and this person and this person is in there class. WTF?? Once again so glad oldest is outta there. So far my other 2 kids classes are mellow (it seems to skip years with over protective/dramatic/live at the school parents. Keeping my fingers crossed it stays that way.

At your kids elementary school....Are parents allowed to select which teacher their kid will have the following year?? like I do realize there maybe certain circumstances (like I pulled the widow card last year to get my kid switched-which isn't the norm).... Because here....every year parents request which teacher there kid wants. Parents have even listed "groups" of 4 or 5 friends they also want in there kids class. The principal encourages this...and is friends with many parents via FB...and is on Instagram with most the kids. Is this the norm now? Cause I think it's rather bizarre....and really is creating a bunch of entitled little baby/brats. Just curious. Class lists are up at the school-I am not even bothering checking for a few days. I didn't request a particular teacher for my 2nd or 5th grader...But parents on FB keep asking if it's up and I really want to write "Why are you wondering? You requested the teacher and friends you want your kid to be with anyway". Thank God my oldest is outta there. 7th graders go to High School here too. Stepford refuses to have a middle school (even though I believe we are the only area in the state who doesn't have a middle school and sends 7th graders to the high school)--

Depends on what you are looking for! I will say they are in dire need of teachers in the northern mountainous areas of WV (not where I live-3 hrs away where I like to camp)... If you like outdoor activities-skiing, hiking, kayak, white water rafting. Also a lot of fellow outdoorsy people from MAryland, VA and DC are in the area. Teacher pay nationally is actually right in the middle...maybe a little above average (which is shocking)... anywhere in WV-teacher pay is within 1500 from worst to best county. (it shocks me how much more Teacher's make here compared to areas in Ohio, Va and NC ( Doesn't NC have one of the worst pay scales?) Your money goes further here too. Very low cost of living for both renting and home ownership. A nice 25 year old 3000 sq ft home on 1/2 acre will only cost from 130000-140000 here. Nice rentals anywhere from 450-700 (that's for a 2 bedroom 2 bath townhouse).

I think I get what you are saying. My first 4 years post widow--I self sabotaged relationships in different ways...Everything from emotionally unavailable men, to men who I knew from the get go would not be compatible with me..to insecure jealous men...to players....I almost think on some messed up level I picked these guys intentionally...I don't know if it was low self esteem, guilt/self loathing over DHs death, not wanting someone forever, etc. And I would go from one disaster to another within a matter of weeks. Train wreck. I think it was a combo of emotions for me...but it was a prescription for disaster. I would break away from this guy....take time for you. ( I know I say that a lot...and it's not real popular on here...But I can't say it enough that my time solo-helped me figure out what I wanted, needed and deserved... and allowed me to work on myself so I had a lot to offer another person. We attract what we radiate.... But yeah--What I am trying to say is I get it

Match is better quality where I live than the free sites. POF in my area is awful!! Men looking for sex on the side...and gross men. But my experience is limited-But IMO...you'll find better quality/more serious choices on a paid site. And the 20 year olds are on all of them. lol

I hear ya and feel for you!! Moving is so stressful...I am such a rooted person (like my folks are still in the house I was born in)...This is the only home I have ever owned. Regardless of the circumstances-I would be a wreck selling it (even to move across the street) ((((hugs)))) Hang in there it will be worth it.

I think you just need a male roommate/handyman. The man for you will have his own home/money/etc. You need a yard boy/man. And maybe get a little on the side till Mr Right comes along?