RobFTC

I was on Christian Mingle for awhile. I found they had pretty good people, but don't make the mistake of thinking that they don't have scammers and low-lifes, as they do (until they get reported). Mostly, in my part of the world, there just weren't that many people and it did not take that long to go through the possibilities. I find that there are more Christians on match.com than on Christian Mingle in my area. Bill's right about self-care. Only do what feels safe and do it at your pace. If you like to talk to people before meeting in person, you can ask for their number and call it with Caller ID blocking. Take care, Rob T

Hockey, chenneling Julian with a rum-and-coke, and feeling OK on this honors-music-and-recital weekend. That and laundry. Take care, Rob T

(tap) (tap) Is this thing on? I am chatilicious right now. Take care, Rob T

SimiRed, I feel for you. Everyone needs to feel they are valued enough to be listened to and considered. I can't imagine a relationship without the give-and-take, sure-I-can-do-that mentality, which pays off so well. Take care, Rob T

True dat. Michelle's family never "got" us, we split as much as possible right down the middle. We took turns being "on duty" with the kids after I was done with my day job, and if I was not on duty, I was cooking dinner and taking care of other stuff. My parents had evolved into something like that, so it seemed fine to me (except for my sore lazy bone :-) Take care, Rob T

Mizpah, I am sorry you're struggling. After Michelle and I married, we moved in together without either of us having had a roommate for many years. We found that we could fight over every little thing - which cabinet the plates should go in, which stuff we should keep and which not - and we frequently chose to. I tended not to vent, but I know that Michelle could complain about me to friends. I know I wondered repeatedly if it had to be this hard. We had also had a breakup crisis before we got engaged, and that cast a long shadow over us for a long time. We talked about moving, because the SF Bay Area seemed like a great place to visit, but a tough place to actually live. So we worked that through, and Colorado was on our short list when she got the job offer that would move us there. When we got here, we really only had each other, and we were doing everything together, including expecting (she passed the pregnancy test the day she started her job). We really drew closer in all the ways that mattered. We ended so well I can't believe it. I think taking the leap together was great for us. I don't know if any of this applies. You're facing something new together with the baby, but I wonder if you can find ways to do more things that draw you closer, while not suffocating either of you. I also know that we moved with a lot of no-kids freedom that made it all *much* easier than it would be now. I think that if you want your relationship to be better, it can be, and far more easily than it would be to split and try to find another person with a young child. But you need not only to be committed, but trust that your partner is there, too. We did counseling, and while I think it's tricky to find a really good counselor, we found that having a facilitator to lead you through safe conversations of the issues was valuable even if they were just average. Another thing that was very helpful was this book: http://www.amazon.com/Couple-Skills-Making-Your-Relationship/dp/157224481X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1429572746&sr=1-1&keywords=couple+skills I still have our his-and-hers copies (of a much older edition, of course). It is a very practical, useful way to diagnose and fix issues at various depths. We got a whole lot about just learning how to handle disagreements well; taking some low-level junk like unfair fighting out to the trash made a huge difference in us being able to trust each other and enjoy each other more. Some places I go, it's all I can do to not press this book on every second couple that I hear talking :-) Prayers and warm thoughts, Rob T

Hi AC, The "just give them a link" is probably fine if it's not Mibbit (sigh). I hate that this seems to be true, but the cutest, froggiest chat vehicle has two problems: 1) people have to remember to pick the right server, or they will sit isolated (that seems stupid to me, too), and 2) people seem, in my experience, to be thrown off of Mibbit a whole lot, apart from the splits and issues IRC throws at us on bad days. My speculation is that their server gets overloaded and sheds people. The links to Kiwi IRC and dal.net both seem to be more reliable, so maybe if we just hand those links and steps first, it will be better. The bold can try Mibbit later if they want to twiddle colours. Another thing - I don't know if I have ever heard directly from a new user who finds the how-to confusing. Everyone can help somehow, and asking questions or suggesting changes may be your way. Other suggestions have helped already, believe it or not :-) Take care, Rob T

So, is anyone chatting tonight? I'm in there.

Looks good. I will have to get help when we need to make changes, as I can't edit it now. Take care, Rob T

So we have a new chat "how to" which will be pinned and locked. That means this one can float and be the "Come chat with me!" thread. The instructions are here (really unchanged): http://widda.org/index.php?topic=547.0 Take care, Rob T

We have a young widows chat room, based on a standard called IRC which gives people a lot of ways to connect. You can use website clients or use software installed on your computer. How to get in We list some easy options below. They are fairly different - if you hit a wall with one, please try the other. If you still have problems, please post to get help. Web chat option A - easiest method - Go to https://kiwiirc.com/client/irc.dal.net/?#ywbb - Pick a nickname and hit "Start" Web chat option B - also easy and most reliable - Go to http://dal.net'>http://dal.net'>http://dal.net - Look for "Chat Now" in the right column - Pick a nickname and type channel "#ywbb" Web chat option C - easy and nice, but maybe not as reliable - Go to http://mibbit.com - To the right of the frog at the bottom of the green panel, click "Launch App" (you can also create an account) - IMPORTANT: Click on the selector beside "Connect:" label and scroll down to DALnet - Pick a nickname and type channel "#ywbb" - Click on the "Connect" button Using your own software (see list below) - Connect: - via the IRC protocol (if you have to pick) - to DALnet at irc.dal.net (important!) - via port 6667 (usually the default) - pick chat room #ywbb - pick a nickname Once you connect, you should see a topic at the top such as "Welcome to #ywbb, the channel for young widows and widowers, please say hello." If you don't see this and you are using Mibbit, you likely missed that third "pick a server network" step. If you do, you may see people or not (see the bit about inviting below). If you want others to join you in chat (and you should!), go bump this thread to let people know: http://widda.org/index.php?topic=24.msg41#msg41'>http://widda.org/index.php?topic=24.msg41#msg41 FAQs What is IRC? - IRC (Internet Relay Chat) is a standard way to chat via computer; you connect to one of several servers in a network and pick a channel or topic, and what you type is seen on everyone using that channel on servers all over, and you see what they type. What IRC network are we using? - We picked DALnet because we can register the chat room and our user nicknames to avoid losing them, and DALnet has a web client right on the home page (http://dal.net). What about privacy? - Our chat room is open, so it is slightly possible that looky-loos using other chatrooms could find our room accidentally. When you join, people can see the address your ISP gave you, but not your real name unless you want to reveal that. System operators have the power to block people from the room if there is an issue. What's "registering my nickname" mean? - With most IRC software, you can pick your "handle" for chat with some constraints. If you pick a name that someone else is using, you will be forced to change it. To avoid this, you can (but don't have to) pick a nickname that it unique and then register it with a password so that you can always use the same one. This is nice but not necessary. How do I register my nickname? - After finding a good nick, you type this gibberish: /nickserv register <password> <e-mail> You will be advised what to do next to complete your registration. Should I let others know I am or would like to chat? - Certainly! Just reply to this thread. If you do, others can find you, whether old-timers or new people. If you don't, it's random. To let people know, go here: http://widda.org/index.php?topic=24.msg41#msg41 IRC with your own chat client - any experience you want - Add an IRC account with server irc.dal.net and your choice of nicknames - See http://dal.net for a FAQ Popular chat clients - Windows: mIRC, XChat - MacOS X: Colloquy, Adium - Linux/Solaris: Pidgin, XChat - iPad / iPod: Mango IRC, Rooms - Android: Yaaic, AndChat - Chatzilla Firefox extension - Mibbit extension for Firefox and Chrome - For more, see: http://www.dal.net/?page=IRC%20Clients http://www.lockergnome.com/social/2012/0...oid-and-iphone/

"Locking" meaning not permitting replies to the post with instructions? Sure, we might even want to just have a brand new post with just the instructions in that case. Bonus points if there's an easy way to update the chat instructions as we learn more, e.g. if someone finds the best Android chat client on the planet. Take care, Rob T

Please no. If nobody bothers to bum the thread, then it's harder to find, and people can't get into chat. Or people post small subsets of directions that work for them instead of the full set that gives people all the options. We wanted it pinned on YWBB, but the admins never responded to the requests made by multiple people. Spltting out the "let's chat" to a different thread is fine, though. Take care, Rob T

I think there is a primary need to be able to find the "how do I get into the chat room" instructions, so it should stay pinned, please. Take care, Rob T

I have had this roof replaced twice. The first time was going from shakes (shudder) to shingles, and the second was after a big hail storm last June. We hired the first ourselves on the recommendation of two or three neighbors who'd used them, and they seemed fine. The second time I had a general contractor who worked with my insurance company; they said some of the water damage was because the treatment around the things that stuck through the shingles was not done properly (so I maybe should not have been happy the first time). He had a subcontractor come and do the roof, and they seemed OK. I think if you need a new roof, you need a new roof, just be careful. Take care, Rob T

Oh yeah, they snuck into the playoff with a lowly 109 points, IIRC St. Louis has always been in a pretty select set of teams - one of the four teams intact from the original expansion in 1967. It's been fun to see them having some real success the last couple of years. As long as they aren't playing a Canadian team Take care, Rob T Take care, Rob T

I like Calgary's and Ottawa's stories. I lived in Vancouver, so I have a residual fandom that they have not been able to excise. I have gotten to like Montreal a lot, yes, even Subban. And how can you not hope Winnipeg slaughters a few Ducks? I might cheer for Colorado if I could ever see a game. The worst thing is that we are guaranteed to lose two Canadian teams in the first round. But at least they showed up well this year. Take care, Rob T

Hugs, hikermom. I am butting heads with my most-like-Michelle daughter again this afternoon, and it's so hard that I cannot have her insights and her involvement in it. I have little doubt that her mini-me would drive her crazy sometimes too, but I am just so far short of understanding what the heck is going on and how to react to it. If only she (or someone who knew her well) could help me figure out what to do. Take care, Rob T

anniegirl, absolutely - she's got to figure things out, and this is when it happens. It's pretty fun watching a lot of of it, too. Take care, Rob T

Is chat on?

LisaPop, she's 14. anniegirl, I don't think we're talking about the same things. This 23-hour thing is the kickoff to the final few weeks of the process, and is the first time in awhile she's had to spend with her cohort because of changes at our church and in the region. I'd let her off the hook already for everything except this, but I wanted her to have some closure with those kids. I expected her to be up front about what she was thinking, in part because I know some are also doing some serious questioning. What I am unhappy about is finding out she's this militant at the last minute, when the decision affects getting her sister there on time, and complicates up my weekend as well. I mentioned a couple of ways she could have negotiated her way out of going in a more honest and brave way. I think that was heard. She was such an amazing negotiator so young that it's a surprise she does it less effectively now. We have had some good discussions tonight, and one very important one that took me by surprise. The bathroom is also cleaner. Take care, Rob T

So my oldest just did something that is going to command a lot of attention this weekend. Some time back, I was trying to get us to church, and she came to me and said she didn't believe in God anymore. Her assumption was that she was just going to dust off her hands and never have another obligation. The problem is, she's >this< close to being done with a three-year confirmation program she's been doing with friends. This leaves them in the lurch. I made it clear that her beliefs were her own, but that something started should be terminated gracefully if not finished. After some thought, I put to her that I thought she should talk to our pastor, pick out another adult friend to talk to, and attend a confirmation retreat to get closure with those friends. She agreed. That retreat is going on right now, and Miss R is not there. When we started talking about logitics, she'd pushed back, saying "I don't believe so why should I go?" I reminded her that we had talked about it and that she'd agreed, and that I'd have to have a compelling reason to let her out of that. She grumbled. Today, she packed and appeared ready. Then when it was time to go, she made a very bad choice. She locked herself into the bathroom and refused to go. She actually packed some provisions and a quilt in there, on the assumption that she would have to stay for hours. I made her drive to the retreat with us, but not stay. We have had a couple of discussions already, mercifully at lower volume than the first one. I always wondered if I was going to have to let her negotiate her way out, but this was not a tactic that I expected. I am now keeping her busy for the entire time of the retreat, hoping to make this less pleasant than that would have been. I have her doing some house cleaning, some essay writing, and she will have several discussions with me about a variety of topics. Especially about negotiation and when you have to raise issues. And instead of being able to go play for a few hours, I get to be the heavy. Just great. Rob T

The same summer, we lost track of Rebecca for almost an hour at a park when she went off with a friend, and then lost Sarah for about an hour at a music festival. In both cases, I was trying to not overreact, but did a lot of frantic walking and looking. In both cases, I was a step or two away from calling the police when they turned up. That prompted me to get phones for them (they were 11). Facing that alone was one of the toughest damned things. Take care, Rob T

PJ, that just sucks. I should not say more. I use care.com. They screen decently well, and the fee for the site is well worth it. The best way is to figure out your needs and post a job offer, then screen the people who respond to make sure they are good and can really do it. In the past, Michelle put up postings at the local university, and that was OK but more work. Take care, Rob T

Sure, Sandi - what kind of tequila? Take care, Rob T