RobFTC

Hugs, Mel. It's hard work being amazing. Take care, Rob T

Mangomom, I am hiding out in my office as my girls have a sleepover. They are tame, though - one friend, watching Wreck It Ralph. Only the timid cat really has reason to hide. When do I get to do sleepovers? I'd even buy footy pajamas if I had to do so. Take care, Rob T

I would consider it. There's certainly some great people up that way I would love to see! Take care, Rob T

When Michelle was dealing with ovarian cancer, her biggest problem was the docs who wanted to simply measure her pine coffin and be done, instead of helping her to be in the best place she could be. In the group of four gynecological oncologists we worked with, her doc would simply lay out the data and the options and talk about the best course; he respected her enough to call her Dr. due to her PhD, and very much respected that she could read the medical literature fluently and ask questions to match. The oldest gyn-onc wrote her off rapidly, which was unpleasant. The other two were kind of a split in the middle. The two second opinions we sought were split like that, too. A young female oncologist at MD Anderson was in the pine coffin camp with a truly lousy bedside manner to match, while a doctor at Memorial Sloan Kettering saw no reason why she could not be in the survival camp, and was very happy to advise on the best courses of action and the order and combinations of therapies. Nobody ever blew sunshine up her skirt, but the best were glad to work with her to maximize her odds and minimize the side-effects of the chemo. Take care, Rob T

@Lmsmdm and @HvnBound, I got distracted yesterday afternoon and forgot I was even on. I know I was happily enjoying an Irish music concert when you were on, L ;D

Like many, there was no clear spot for a "goodbye" because the pain drugs doped her up so much at the end. But her second-to-last night brought something like that. She was newly moved to a hospital bed, and was very restless. At some point, her stomach drain was plugged, which happened, and when I cleaned it, in my middle-of-the-night stupor I had left a clamp sealed that should not have been. Before I figured that out, she spat up and aspirated, and was stressed and fully awake with that going on. We embraced and said our last lucid "I love you"s. I prayed hard for her not to go, not that way. She got through that night, and a couple of CNAs got her cleaned up and FAR more comfortable than I had been able to do, so her final night was very peaceful and uneventful. I awoke just after her last breath. Take care, Rob T

Oh Geez, Mary - I wish you could have intercepted that giant-sized manure delivery and refused delivery. That is a lot of stuff to deal with. I am so sorry that it's happened at all and at once. I wish I was close enough to deliver a hug in person. Take care, Rob T

I am still in shorts, since I biked - my favorite gym, the bike trails, were darned nice today. My cold is better, but it still convinced me I should stay home instead of heading down to the St. Patrick's Day parade this morning. I am finally done planning my radio show tomorrow [1] after listening to some new music that came in the three weeks since I was last on. It's time for a wee dram and to see what's good on the Tivo. Take care, Rob T [1] Celtic Journeys, http://krfcfm.org, 2-4pm MT

Hey L, I can relate. The first "vacation" I took (to Universal Studios in Orlando), I foolishly expected to relax. Nope, I was on duty without a break for the whole time, just like at home. I had some new experiences, but my last nerve was pretty much just as frayed when I came home. I wondered if I got more of a break on one day when Michelle was "on duty" as I had combined since we lost her. Over time, I have been better able to relax on vacation. I make sure that at least some part of what we do is fun for me, it cannot be a "make the kids happy" thing exclusively. I make sure part of it has us interacting with other adults, because when the girls get mired in discussions about anime/manga/Pokemon, I start looking for sharp objects. I make sure that we don't go somewhere cool only to be locked up in a faceless hotel room or equivalent (my girls don't appear to ever regret that!). Of course, one of the great things that has changed is how much more they can do for themselves. Take care, Rob T

Hi L (hugs), I really didn't get any traction at all on the board for a May FoCo bago :-( Almost all who replied said they could not make it and asked whether it could be done at another time. That's part of the reason I started this thread, to decide on hold/reschedule/fade away. Take care, Rob T

The job possibility seems great, congratulations on getting this far with it. I would definitely interview, and consider it on the merits - but including the downsides in the calculation. I would optimize to be close to work, as killing that commute for you would feel like such a change. That said, your child care options would become paramount. Your current in-laws are helping greatly that now, and I would have very low expectations that BIL's family could be too much involved with caring for your toddler unless they have already offered (which is another reason to really focus on work proximity). So I'd ask stuff like: What are your needs, hoping that work/daycare/home could be a lot closer together than they are now? What are the work from home possibilities at the new job, if any? What are your options for care? I hope this either works out, or that it feels good not to pursue it if that happens. Take care, Rob T

I just shot her a FB message. I know she made it to the proboards site. Take care, Rob T

First, DrBanner, a level-set. Pretty much no matter how I word it, I am lucky to get one response in 10 or 20 messages to age-appropriate people I message (I don't own a sports car and I am not chasing twenty-year-olds). Really, it's a surprise when anything works online; my dry spells last weeks, but then I'll get a cluster of dates in a week. By all means try experimenting, but results will likely be variable unless you bottle lightning (and if you do, I want some too). Early-stage dating is an interesting balance of risks. Do you text for ages to really get to know someone? Downside is falling for a fake who will text you from Lebanon and need you to send them funds through Western Union; more likely, the messaging just whimpers and dies. Do you meet right away? Downside is buying lunch for a professional dater who won't even remember your name. I don't want to text for ages. I usually suggest that I'd like to meet for coffee in the first message. My first message does not contains a phone number, because it feels like revealing too much (but I may have to play with this). If I get a response, I try to follow their lead. I guess my happy place is to exchange a few brief messages until they talk about meeting, and to meet for coffee before too long. I would counsel choosing a style that works for you and tending towards it so that you own it, but throwing in the odd random experiment every so often to see how it goes. And if there's ever interest, remember that guys usually need to slow. the. hell. down. Take care, Rob T

(((Hugs))), Mary, as always. Take care, Rob T

The YWBB group on Facebook I use is literally "YWBB". It's closed, and any current member who is your FB friend can add you. It doesn't really get a lot of traffic, but was a handy bridge last weekend. I see "YWBB'ers" as well; there are always so many FB groups. Mary, I don't know why you would expect people not to vent about how ywbb's final stages went, and this one thread doesn't make this a "main focus". I am glad you are more charitable to the founders, I am not so much. I helped take a 501©(3) through the transition from founders to next generation, filing their IRS application for determination of status along the way. I also ran a dialup BBS (gawd!) back in the day. It was unnecessary for ywbb to die when the founders were done with it, as it is normal for 501©(3)'s to change out board members. If ywbb was to die, I know I shut down my little BBS more gracefully. It's sad, but these decisions do taint the way I think of the founders. Take care, Rob T

I'm in, with two idlers, naming no names PJ :-)

Fleur, it's good to see you here. I get it. I have drifted away from the board, and feel like most new member would not know me. I also feel like the things I have tried to bring for others, the chat room and the bagos, are not very important to anyone else now, based on recent response. I won't out-and-out leave, as on down days, I will still try to find this community. But the reality is that my cohort has largely recoupled and drifted off, and I am just late to get the memo. Take care, Rob T

What are the bagos that generally recur every year, and when do they happen? Florida mid-January Dallas ? WGW-Ozarks ? Take care, Rob T

I hosted two successful and larger-than-expected Colorado bagos, in 2012 and 2014 (2013 was an oops). This year, I am not sure anything will happen because prior interest seems to have evaporated. I have drifted from the board some this past year, but I was still surprised to get so little response on ywbb. Oh well. Take care, Rob T

I posted a general intro about Michelle's ovarian cancer elsewhere. Let me add a brief timeline: Dec 2008 - new, steady abdominal pain felt Jan 2009 - ovarian cancer diagnosis likely stage 4, chose and started a chemo-surgery-chemo regime April 2009 - the Big Surgery, including a mastectomy due to a metastasis July 2009 - second part of first round of chemo Sept 2009 - party to celebrate great number after chemo late 2009 - another lesser chemo early 2010 - yet another chemo mid-July 2010 - symptoms return: blocked ureters lead to nephrostomy tubes August 2010 - blocked small intestines stopped her from drinking and landed her in hospital Sept 2010 - she was back home, with serious IV drug and TPN feeding regimes Oct 19, 2010 - she hoped to restart chemo, but got "there's nothing more to do for you" Nov 10, 2010, 5am - I awoke just after her final breath This stuff sucks, what can anyone say? Take care, Rob T

I like 'curve'. Thanks bluebird and mokie! Take care, Rob T

Hi folks, I'm Rob. My wife Michelle died from ovarian cancer on November 7, 2010. She'd started having symptoms on a trip to Texas for Christmas in 2008, and got a diagnosis in January 2009. She was probably stage 4 at diagnosis, but she did a chemo-surgery-chemo regime that her oncologist recommended, which complicates staging. Her big surgery was in April, and the initial round of chemo was great ... but it came back. She fought like hell to put herself in the best possible place, despite knowing her odds. Later chemo rounds were not as successful. Her symptoms came back in July 2010, and she spent the last two weeks of August in the hospital. She came home with a considerably mobility impairment and some serious care needs, including full IV nutrition. On October 19th, 2010, she went to start another round of chemo, but they said it did not make sense. After a day of staring-at-walls shock, she laid down her fight and started ministering to her friends and family. She was a Christian and had no doubts about where she was bound. She promised to meet me in Heaven with a pitcher of margaritas, and I am going to hold her to that! She was the smartest woman I've ever dated, but always had a way of meeting people where they were. I still miss her voice, her feistiness, her irreverent sense of humor and her laugh, and how she fit so well in my arms. Take care, Rob T

We have a young widows chat room, based on a standard called IRC which gives people a lot of ways to connect. You can use website clients or use software installed on your computer. How to get in We list some easy options below. They are fairly different - if you hit a wall with one, please try the other. If you still have problems, please post to get help. Web chat option A - easiest method - Go to https://kiwiirc.com/client/irc.dal.net/?#ywbb - Pick a nickname and hit "Start" Web chat option B - also easy and most reliable - Go to http://dal.net'>http://dal.net'>http://dal.net - Look for "Chat Now" in the right column - Pick a nickname and type channel "#ywbb" Web chat option C - easy and nice, but maybe not as reliable - Go to http://mibbit.com - To the right of the frog at the bottom of the green panel, click "Launch App" (you can also create an account) - IMPORTANT: Click on the selector beside "Connect:" label and scroll down to DALnet - Pick a nickname and type channel "#ywbb" - Click on the "Connect" button Using your own software (see list below) - Connect: - via the IRC protocol (if you have to pick) - to DALnet at irc.dal.net (important!) - via port 6667 (usually the default) - pick chat room #ywbb - pick a nickname Once you connect, you should see a topic at the top such as "Welcome to #ywbb, t he channel for young widows and widowers, please say hello." If you don't see th is and you are using Mibbit, you likely missed that third "pick a server network " step. If you do, you may see people or not (see the bit about inviting below). FAQs What is IRC? - IRC (Internet Relay Chat) is a standard way to chat via computer; you connect to one of several servers in a network and pick a channel or topic, and what you type is seen on everyone using that channel on servers all over, and you see what they type. What IRC network are we using? - We picked DALnet because we can register the chat room and our user nicknames to avoid losing them, and DALnet has a web client right on the home page (http://dal.net). What about privacy? - Our chat room is open, so it is slightly possible that looky-loos using other chatrooms could find our room accidentally. When you join, people can see the address your ISP gave you, but not your real name unless you want to reveal that. What's "registering my nickname" mean? - With most IRC software, you can pick your "handle" for chat with some constraints. If you pick a name that someone else is using, you will be forced to change it. To avoid this, you can (but don't have to) pick a nickname that it unique and then register it with a password so that you can always use the same one. This is nice but not necessary. How do I register my nickname? - After finding a good nick, you type this gibberish: /nickserv register <password> <e-mail> You will be advised what to do next to complete your registration. Should I let others know I am or would like to chat? - Certainly! Just reply to this thread. If you do, others can find you, whether old-timers or new people. If you don't, it's random. If you post about it to another thread, please include a link to this message so that others get the same help as you did. IRC with your own chat client - any experience you want - Add an IRC account with server irc.dal.net and your choice of nicknames - See http://dal.net for a FAQ Popular chat clients - Windows: mIRC, XChat - MacOS X: Colloquy, Adium - Linux/Solaris: Pidgin, XChat - iPad / iPod: Mango IRC, Rooms - Android: Yaaic, AndChat - Chatzilla Firefox extension - Mibbit extension for Firefox and Chrome - For more, see: http://www.dal.net/?page=IRC%20Clients http://www.lockergnome.com/social/2012/0...oid-and-iphone/