rifatheroffour

I'm very sad to say I just can't pull this one off. Have fun, I'll be there in my mind...my body will have to be at work though 😭

Hi I remember you, I'm at 5.5 years and also rarely post anymore. Somehow I've managed to get three kids off to college and the last has two more years till she goes too. I've had two almost serious relationships, well at least they were serious to me, that ended abruptly. I own my own business and it doesn't light the same fire under me that it once did but getting out right now would be disastrous. I love where I live. Very late last night, early this morning, I had the most intense wave of emotion and crying that I've had in at least a year. But...I also flounder with the who am I and what do I want! Sorry no real feedback or promise of a light at the end of this horribly long tunnel. What I hope to say is you are not crazy though...otherwise I'm in the same boat. You definitely have two things right though, only we have or can find our answers and this is a good place to reach too when we can't seem to find them.

Tonight this is where is am...I miss being loved by her more than anything else in this world. Beyond ACTIVE grieving by no means means you still don't grieve... My dear I would always have chosen us....love you

FUCK...I miss her so much...

I think I may be ready to try online again. I did once, maybe too early and got right back out. I'm AT 50 and not quite sure I'll ever be truly ready, I know I'd be ready for the right relationship but it's the getting there that causes me to pause. Like Virgo, I also had a rare relationship/marriage with literally no significant relationship drama in our nearly 25 years together. I agree you should not settle and I don't plan to either, it's part of what makes me approach online dating with trepidation. I think about it like north Atlantic ocean swimming. It's great to sit on the beach and watch the ocean, some waves are more impressive and beautiful than others. You can sit there all day but unless you want to miss out on the fun at some point you have to jump in. You know full well though that once you take that plunge there will be many places that make you cringe, some waves will knock you over. Most of the waves will be unimpressive and eventually the water will feel nice but it could be rough getting there.

I'm sorry for your loss. There is nothing wrong with you other than you have suffered one of the greatest losses possible in your life. I was numb to things around me for a while. Everything felt like me looking in on life not being a part of it. In time it will change, get better and worse sometimes I'm sorry to say. As others have said before, you have made it through each day, even if it was just barely, so your survival rate is 100%.

If I can make this it would for the day/evening of Saturday.

Unfortunately it's too soon for me to know if I can make this. I need to check on school band schedule stuff which I hope is out soon. Probably would only be Saturday for me and I have no real desire to see a show.

KM88, I honestly can't remember my first birthday without her but mine came a full 9 months after she died and daily feelings of what pain I was going through had already changed much by then. I had already been through 4 kids and her birthday. What I do remember is feeling numb on those days as others around me tried to celebrate. I participated for the sake of my kids but invariably found a quiet moment to fall apart at some point. Similar to BH2 I had a friend remind me to honor the feelings of pain I had and just let them wash over me and get to the other side. These emotions demand to be dealt with one way or another, I chose to let them hit me head on and eventually they get easier to accept.

Steve, Well my eyes are sufficiently cleaned out now thank you. We are from about the same era musically. My wife and I met in the college radio station where I was a DJ. New Music such as the Cranberries etc. although I never hear the 77s they would have fit in well with our musical style. Still at 5+ years out music continues to hurt sometimes but more often it brings a smile now. Of course the two songs you highlighted may always be more of a pain trigger than a smile. Thanks for sharing... Rudi

Whenever someone commented on how great my kids are or are doing my line had always been "Fal laid an amazing foundation, now I just have to not screw it up". My four kids were not quite 16 through not quite 11 when she died. It's been almost 5 and a half years now. Three have or are just about to graduate from HS, two years left for my daughter. We are also doing fairly well and I guess I haven't screwed them up yet still. Your post made me realize I don't say or think that too often anymore either, thank you.

Hello! Anyone out there? Especially anyone new...meeting others IRL was one of the best decisions I made as a widower. This looks like it will be an intimate group this time.

As her social secretary...lol...I'm happy to announce a Bago for June 10th noon time at Maureen's new home in northern CT. I've been missing you all and need a widda fix! I hope many of you can make it!

I have two good friends who have kids with the same diagnosis. One has been diabetic since she was 6 or 7 and she is one of my daughter's closest friends, they are 16 now. The other is now a sophomore in college who was diagnosed at 14. Yes this completely sucks and no we don't need more crap to dump on our challenged lives. I can agree with you, health care will be a challenge that you will have to manage closely and advocate for, which I know you are certainly skilled at. While i can not truly comprehend what you are going through what I really want to tell you is that both of these kids are now self monitored but with back up texting from their devices that go to thier parents so they can be somewhat comfortable. They both lead full and active lives doing all the same things their friends do and sometimes even more. I know this brings more challenges that you do not need but we are here for you. I'm sure either of my friends would be willing to offer any advice should you be interested, feel free to contact me.

Yes, SunshineFL and here is the link...

Wishing all of the Mothers out there a peaceful day... I still find myself struggling with this day five years out now. I know I should do better at honoring my own mother and MIL for that matter as they both have done so much for us. Yet I have a hard time being present for this day as I think about what my children have lost and what my wife has lost out on being around for. This is one of the few days that just doesn't seem to get any easier for me as time moves on. Tonight or rather this morning I can't or don't want to sleep as though not doing so might stop the day from coming. This year it just seems as though it will be just another day and the worst part is that I really don't care. Eldest is still away at school, 2nd will be with his GF and her mother, 3rd has to work all day and my daughter and I will have the day alone together. Neither of us really knows what to do tomorrow. We were invited to my MIL's but they are two hours away and I don't want my 3rd son to come home to an empty house after work. My mother will be at my brother's which is fine but they are also an hour away so same issue there. I really don't even know if there is a point to my ramble but I know this is the place where I will be understood so thank you for "listening".

I'm now over 5 years since my wife died. I am in the early stages of a new relationship and it is very likely that she will be spending some time at my house over the summer. While I have removed or at least moved a lot of stuff there is still so much more to deal with. While taking a break I searched for threads about purging and this on seems to fit me best right now. I already got rid of the medical records, scans of her lungs etc will do no one any good now or in the future and I don't see myself moving anytime soon. Our house has been significantly remodeled since my wife died and it really is more my house now than it is "ours" anymore but there is still the "stuff" that needs purging. Today I tackled the chests in my bedroom, they so far had been a drop off point of stuff I did't know what to do with yet. I got them consolidated down to stuff about her and "us" that I just can't throw away. Stuff for the kids was pulled out and set aside and then there was the stuff that I am at peace with throwing away. The consolidated stuff will most likely get set deep in a corner of the basement and someday...well that's just it I'm not sure what about someday. There are things in there that the kids may not want to see and some stuff that just won't make sense to anyone but me now. Right now I plan to leave instructions to take the chest and put it in the crematorium with me when the time comes. I did pretty good clearing through today and had only one good cry over an article of clothing. Still so much more to do, seems as our grief is, the purging never really ends but gets less and less over time.

The most vivid physical similarity so far is seeing my 3rd son's head of hair. He has the same color, texture and volume. I will occasionally tussle his hair and even though he hates it he lets me get away with it now and then.

Laura, thank you, RIFF

Is there a setting somewhere that I can't find to bring you to the unread portion of a thread. The old site would bring to the latest post not the beginning of the thread. Thanks

Mobile support! Thank you!

That's really not a fair choice! But I'll have to go with maple...but only if it's real, from the tree, no flavored corn syrup. With that pure maple syrup do you want pancakes or French toast?

Need to keep this playing in a loop inside my head...good advice

TS2, I hope this weekend has been gentle to you, especially your Friday night.

I originally thought my Saturday night was going to be alone with the cat. My youngest son decided to stay home tonight so we made dinner together and watched a couple movies. In between I was able to share some nice texting again with someone special tonight. All in all not a bad Saturday night!