rifatheroffour

Kenneth, I'm very sorry for your loss and need to join us. I lost my wife a little over three years ago after fighting an unknown lung disease for a number of years. We were also very close and best friends who never seriously fought with each other. She was my life along with our children. I completely understand the crying and how it sneaks up on you when and where you least expect or want it to happen. I found giving into the emotion as it comes helped work through my grief. As a good friend of mine said, honor your feelings by allowing them to come as they need to. This may mean quick departures from a grocery store from time to time. Eventually these emotional outbreaks and breakdowns will lessen but it will take time. As far out as I am there are still times that the reality of my life and the loss of my love hit and I still can end up in tears. It's completely normal. Take care and as others have said reading, posting and connecting with others here can be very helpful.

At this point May 15th works better for me.

As usual Maureen is an inspiration and cheerleader to many of us here. ;D I met her at my second Bago about 9 months after my wife died and am so glad I did as she made me feel welcome, as did everyone else, among a group of people I had never met before except one. Many of the people I met that day I count among my friends and have been lucky enough to meet them again and again. For me the support of the old board and now this place have been invaluable to keeping my sanity along this journey. I don't post as often as I used to or maybe should but I still come to read as often as I can or need. I recently went back to read some of my original posts on the old board, yes I was lucky enough to save most all of them. And I'm amazed at how much I wrote back then, for me at least as a fairly private person. My point is, to echo Maureen, to let those that have been here know how thankful I am for your thoughts and support and to those newer in this journey that reaching out as scary as it may be for some has wonderful and long lasting benefits.

Ditto Ditto...again

I am starting the 3rd year, 3rd month and 3rd day without my dearest Falgu...I know the thing that matters most I have been doing the best I know how...taking care of the kids. But the rest all seems so challenging. My wife also died in her sleep on the couch I sit upon this very moment. Words often fail me due to the exhaustion of making it through each and every day...and yet we do make it through those days. Hoping that the next is better than the last or at least not worse. Two steps forward and one back has been the most accurate measure of time these past 39 months but at least it is forward progress. To all of us surviving the best we know how I send you understanding hugs and hope for better tomorrows.

Yes the bird eventually got out...alive and well. New furnace is running and I enjoyed a hot shower sunday morning after my in and out camping weekend. So all in all I survived now bring on the week starting with cold wet weather that makes me want to stay in bed...lol Thanks for all the support.

SVS, I'm sorry you had a rough night which only seems to compound your challenges. I understand what stress can do to you. I had been doing so well taking care of myself until last fall and the stress of the last few months has taken its toll on much of the progress I was making personally. Work, personal life or lack thereof(LOL) and worrying about the KIDS after what we have been through just wasn't meant to be handled by one person. Sadly I have no magic answer for you other than I get it and sending virtual hugs.

First let me say, I know there are others that are worse off than I am...but I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and nothing going quite like I planned... Friday morning...Trying to make a short day at work because I'm going camping with the scouts this weekend, which I normally find refreshing. 1) son #2, now not going camping - homework and no one his age group is going 2) No hot water at home - furnace crapped out needs to be replaced...tomorrow 3) project at work went wrong on me again, I eventually got it running but can't seem to figure out what I did right to duplicate it, I'm frustrated 4) Bird flew into the building via the dishwasher vent and is now caught above in the ceiling space. so no harm but can't seem to trap him yet 5) I will come home at night instead of camping out so DD is not alone, she will be out late each night with friends anyway and her brother will be home during the day 6) yes son #2 will be home but he is only 17 and has a GF 7) I'm tired, would like a shower, I know, if I were camping overnight I wouldn't get one anyway but knowing I CAN"T is very different 8) My mother was going to stay at the house to be there for the kids so I could camp but no hot water and my father is driving to Baltimore to go to my brothers, longer story, He is working today and tired as well most likely so I don't want him to drive alone, hence no mother at home to watch the kids. Ok pity party time over. Time to go back to work... Feel free to whine as well no matter how petty it may seem. Oddly, typing it all out makes me realize how silly some of it really is...thanks

Mike, Ok, terrifying! and yet it made me laugh out loud, I'm sorry. You are absolutely right there are some things I'd rather not know. Funny that my oldest now in college will call me just to chat and talk about nothing...when the hell did he ever do that before he left. And it's always when I'm in the middle of something. He always asks if this is a good time. I try to be honest but since I'm always running behind on something I don't want to discourage him all the time. I always try to remember the "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin. Just looking for simple common courtesy not play by play descriptions of their lives. Rudi

Regardless of the way we lost our spouse I completely understand the teen issue. Last year I had to have the same serious discussion about not responding when I try to find them. I get they don't use the "phone" but when home their response time to texts is amazing so why can't it be the same when we text them! I made it very clear what my expectations were and at the same time make sure I don't abuse it either. They are expected to let me know where they are going and when. I try to give them as much free range as possible but responsibility comes along with that freedom.

Spent the day working on our annual scout fundraiser. Dinner on the couch with my two youngest kids watching "The Martian". I was firne until David Bowie came on...my DW would have loved this movie...she was a complete space geek. Now all are asleep and I'm watching "The Devil Wears Prada". What an exciting saturday night.

Hi all, today Hachi and I discussed wanting to go hiking...so...the plan with plenty of notice... Saturday October 1, 2016 Mt. Monadnock, New Hampshire We are planning on a full day hike to get up the mountain have lunch at the top and hike back down. Round trip would be up to 5 miles depending on the response and interest. Starting between 9 or 10 am we would be done around 3pm Who's in? Rudi (RIFatherofFour)

As always it was wonderful to see everyone who was able to join us.

Evening...it's really quiet here. Two high school kids are at a dance tonight and my daughter is at a friends for the evening. I can't change into comfy clothes because I have to go get my daughter around 9:30pm. So here I am, should be doing more paperwork to catch up at work. I've been having a sense of dread more often as all my kids begin spending more and more time with friends, which is great for them...but, well you know...it's really quiet here.

Week is over and I'm really looking forward to this...see you all sunday.

thank you all

Four days before his only daughter's wedding my cousin's husband died after a 17 month battle with cancer. I've hardly been in touch outside of the normal contact for family events because I never had a good feeling about this from the day I found out and felt like a ghoul knowing the fate ahead of her. Now he's gone and sadly my "expertise" may be "useful". Dammit this sucks.

Also a huge fan here. Bowie's Heathen tour was the last concert my wife and I saw together. I loved that album and still get emotional when I listen to it and think of her. RIP David

Hi all, I'm only available on the 28th.

Rhode Island here...

I'm working hard to make this one! I've missed too many lately...

Reverse the gender and this is exactly what terrifies me...I'm told I'm doing a great job as a father but I don't always feel it. I go through the motions of the holidays I once truely lived for...now the work to prep for them is overwhelming and exhausting and I feel like I come up short for my kids. Sorry no words of encouragement but rather more acknowledgement that you are not alone. I am trying to remember that I do have plenty to be thankful for but that's not the same as finding joy.

SVS, I love those small things that keep us going. I pray for such little musings that sadly don't seem to come often enough. I share your feeling of being inadequate to the many tasks at hand...yet others tell me I'm doing a great job. I suspect you are doing a better job than you realize. All we can do is try our best and it is in the trying each day that we actually succeed. (now if I can listen to my own thoughts...LOL) Peace and hugs to you...RIFF

In spite of the fact that I have used the "like" button on occasion...well I guess I did have something to add...I still liked your post!

Ugh...between returning from camping and a concert I can't make this date. Will miss you again.