Trying Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Especially when it's plastered all over FB, like a slap in the face! I try not to be a downer when we are together and I know my kids have made a few scenes when I've had party at my house but the fireworks? We have gone together for years with this group, they told me they weren't going this year then they post pictures all over FB. I guess I have received the message loud and clear. I really didn't need another reason to cry this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Sending you big hugs. I have no idea why people can be so cruel then to go ahead to put it on Facebook. I wonder if they post it on Facebook to rub our noses in it or is because they just don't care about us anymore? One of the ways I try not to fall apart with one of these episodes is just remind myself I am not responsible for them and a lot of mediation and wee bit of wine helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanGenie Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'm sorry this is how your weekend started. To tell you they weren't going and then to post it on FB...that is just cruel and hurtful. Make note...another reminder of who your true friends are. Doesn't help the hurt though. What we're all learning on this journey, the hard way, is who our true friends are and most of mine are the new wid friends I've made, not those supposed ones from before. But it still hurts and people can be so thoughtless and cruel. Feel proud that you treat others better than they do even after all you've been through and that you won't sink to their level. And, yes, the wine can help a bit too! Hope you find some enjoyable moments in the weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Well, that was a really lousy thing for them to do. I'm sorry, Trying, for the hurt it has caused you. Tight hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injo Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Of course that hurts! I keep wondering how people like that are thinking. They must know you get to see their pictures. Perhaps that's their problem:they don't think at all!!! I'm so sorry (((Trying))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmg19 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 So sorry for this hurt. It's so hard to understand the "nonthinkers". Sending Hugs((Trying)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I didn't get to warn my son before he went on FB this morning so now he is hurt and pissed off too and he's already been so emotionally fragile. I really hate when I can't comfort my kids because there is no way to make any excuse for what were the last 3 families we thought were still our friends. My kids have had enough tough life lessons and frankly I have too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I guess I have received the message loud and clear. I really didn't need another reason to cry this week. Ah, yes - It's a wonderful world! (((HUGS))) to You, Trying! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Awe man that just sucks. I continue to be amazed at the insensitivity of some people. The loss of certain "couple " "family" friends and being left out of social parties was a tough pill for me to swallow too. It's just blatant disregard for others feelings. I also came to the conclusion that some people are truly so self absorbed they aren't even aware of the hurt they cause. I now realize those friendships must have been superficial and surface to pull that kind of stuff. I have seen it plastered on FB...and also had it discussed right in front of me.....My oldest son felt the sting because he was friends with several of the kids who always came too (including the host son) Now...I am surface friends/acquaintance friends with those people when I have to. I actually now find them boring as hell...But for several years being left out just stung stung stung. So sorry you are dealing with this on top of everything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 This scenario is more common than not, and I can certainly attest to it having been prevalent amongst my "friends" after having been widowed. It honestly vexes me, and I don't give people a pass for it. I guess it's that I'm fiercely loyal to my family and friends--that's just my way, and so I can't comprehend (or respect) how people drop their once - beloved pal because they are now spouseless and hurting. I've got a couple friends right now in some horrendous circumstances of their own. It's unthinkable that I'd leave their side. I call them my friends for a reason--I love them. I don't really find something like this defensible. More like, despicable. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stormywx Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I wish I lived near you, I would love to see fireworks this year. Not going alone though. But I do understand, the same thing happened to me last year. I was embarrassed to blatantly hint that I wanted to tag along and see the fireworks show with what I thought were good friends. But I really didn't want to be alone because it was always a fun holiday for my husband and me. They said they weren't going. Then I saw the pictures on Facebook. I called and asked about it. She very casually said that they had changed their mind at the last minute, too late to let me know. I used to say Mean people suck. But I've learned it's more like Most people suck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Yes, such a crappy thing to do so strange that they would prefer their own comfort over just caring about your family It does make you really see your true friends but doesnt help with the hurting especially hard when it hurt your kids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'm so sorry. That was really thoughtless of them. It really pisses me off when people act like this / what is WRONG with some people? Wishing u an enjoyable weekend with your kids...hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I am so sorry this happened to you, and especially sorry that it has affected your kids. Sometimes, I cannot decide if people are just deliberately despicable, or if people are just so self-absorbed that they simply don't think. I guess there are both types in this world. Despite how you have been treated, and I know it truly hurts, I hope that you are able to enjoy your weekend. Going beyond that, I hope you and your children will be able to rise above this thoughtlessness of others, maybe even finding that you have a better time without them, than you would have had with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'm sending you a giant hug and can totally relate. When I approached friends - friends who were like family - who had ditched me after I, admittedly, became a bit of a drag around months 8-12, I apologized to them. The response I got was, "It was your path to walk and you walked it." I appreciated the honesty on one level but it didn't take the sting away. No answers here, only empathy. Thinking of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Thank you all for understanding. My one friend, the third couple, invited us and the other 2 couples over tonight because I think she probably thought it was wrong that I wasn't invited to the fireworks. I however could not tolerate the 2 offending couples and politely declined. I ended up having a great day/evening, after crying all morning. I don't know if I will eventually let them know how hurt I was or just let the relationship slip away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 You definitely realize who your true friends are. I'm sorry. I'm sure all of us thought of 'those friends' as we read your post. Just make a new 4th of July tradition and make sure you post about it on Facebook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Yes I drove by my "friends" house on July first (I have no choice in the village) to go some where and their driveway was full, I was not invited, I felt like I was kicked in the stomach. He even gave a eulogy at DH funeral. Uhg We all spent almost 20 yrs of an evening together on long weekends as couples, WTF? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 I really hate that so many of us have had this same experience. I truly do not understand it. I worry that i am overly sensitive right now because i am going through a particularly emotional time but you all help to confirm that this really was crappy. I have said for a while that I need new friends but I really haven't had the time to peruse that and I'm not very good at making friends quickly. I'm so glad I have all of you to turn to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Feeling this big time today as my friends' Facebook feeds show picture after picture of bbqs and fun. My invitation count for tonight? A big whopping zero. I try not to be bothered by this, but I am. A lot. Sometimes I feel that the weeks after he died were just token caring so they felt like they did their part. I can count the number of friends that really stood by me in a real, tangible way on one finger, yet the funeral was standing room only. Sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I deactivated my Fakebook acct as I need to find a new way. I'm done with the fake shit. I need to rebuild a whole new life and that's what I'm going to do damn it ( I know, not a easy as it sounds) We will all find our way somehow. Wid strong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 This just makes me so mad reading this....I am no longer in that position (new habits new traditions new people over the years)...but those first few years of being "kicked out" of the couples club just really hurt. And they never discuss finding your footing in a new social circle and the added heartache it causes in traditional " self help widow" books. I have one close girlfriend left from my old life. She was truly there for me. And my loyalty to her and our friendship has grown over the years. We don't see each other that often due to family obligations...but I am a better friend now to her...because she's in my "hall of fame" as a friend who doesn'tps leave because you are no longer socially acceptable in the club. I promise-one day you will think "What the hell did I ever have in common with these people"...I no longer have time for superficial friendships. But circle is different now and smaller....But the level of true substance and our thinking/commonalities is so much richer. ((((hugs to all of you this holiday)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Hugs. I've reached a point where I feel that I'm in the world but not of it... barely human anymore. People are happy to tell me how strong I am and how much they admire me, but no one will reach out a hand to help me along. I'm ready to tell the whole planet to suck it. (((((Trying)))))) Hang in there. Thinking of you, sweetie, and wishing I could do more to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 We had no invitations for anything related to the 4th. But on the other hand, the girls and I have not been making invitations to anyone for anything for some time. If we want friends, we have to act like it at some point. I lost my social coordinator, and I hate taking on that role, but I have had four years to get over that and haven't. It's not a strong suit for my girls, either. If your loss is recent, it's OK not to try to connect socially. But after awhile, that costs and hurts too. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I'm enormously disenchanted with "friends" who make a deceptive pretense of not planning to attend an event, and then circumvent the uninvited , go to the event and then have the temerity to plaster pics of themselves at the event all over FB. It's called, "couth". Perhaps they should read about it. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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