Pool Demolition

[DonnaP]

I made a tough decision the other day. It is time to take down the pool. It was either that or put up a new pool and spend close to $5,000. The existing pool had a great run -- we put it up in 1994 when we moved into the current house. It's lasted over 20 years! This year, however, the liner just gave out. There was a gaping hole and several places where it was separating from the pool wall. The bad winter must have been too much for the old girl...

 

So, the crew started yesterday. I came home to see the demolition and it is so depressing. Mick would be beside himself. In fact, he would not even have considered NOT putting up a new pool. But, for me, it's hardly worth it, and I do not want all the work that goes into maintaining a pool (opening it, closing it, keeping it clean...). I looked into the options and weighed the pros and cons. I just hate that it had to happen.

 

I hate that Mick isn't here to take care of the pool, to make these decisions with me, to lay out on the deck, like he did EVERY weekend during the summer until his skin got so tan, he looked like a foreigner. I hate losing one more piece of him.

 

I'm all unfocused again at work today. Damn it. Why is life so hard sometimes? 

[mmg19]

Making decisions alone about something that was a part of your life together is so hard.  I'm sorry for the circumstances.  Selling the house last month nearly brought me to my knees.  I had to really work on my head and still do.  Just last night I had to keep thinking how nice it is to be debt free and money to buy again and downsize.  Of course if K were here we would be in the house and maintenance and upkeep would not be a problem.  I'm sure I'll need quite a few reality checks this year.  Hugs Donna.

[Catnip]

Yes, I understand.

My husband passed away in December 2006. That spring was our big decision about our above ground pool. I had to open it or take it down. I never took care of it, my husband did. He so enjoyed working on it, checking the chemicals, cleaning it, and then getting into it. Since we live in NY, our summer swim time was very short. But my 3 sons loved the pool and my oldest, whose birthday is in August, had many birthday parties in the pool.

We decided to take it down, the kids were getting too old and nobody volunteered to maintain it.

 

My sons took it down, sold the aluminum, and we filled in and re-seeded the lawn. Many mornings before work I was out there watering the new grass.

 

It was worth it, my lawn looks great and what a big yard I now have.

But it's gone. What memories we had there.

Another loss.

 

Peace to you,

~Catnip

[Wheelerswife]

Ah, Donna!  Some really good memories in that pool!  So hard. Hugs for you, darling!  We can keep the memories, even though the pool goes.

 

Maureen

[CJF]

3 months after my husband died, our pool collapsed.  It really wasn't all that old but it gave way and went rolling down the hillside into a neighbor's yard and flooded their basement.  The kids and I debated on whether or not to replace it and decided against it.  Although we miss it on really hot days, we now have a nice fire pit built where the pool once stood (and much less work)!

[donswife]

hugs to you ,Donna

I can imagine the great memories you had 

its so hard to lose a part of your life with Mick

and even harder being the one who has to make this decision , one you wouldn't have had to make if he was still here

we only had one of those what we called "white trash walmart pools "

but my don took it seriously with chemicals and testing strips like it was an Olympic size pool 

so funny as the pool was in our driveway(hence the white trash part) and was tiny

 

 

[Virgo]

It sounds like you are making the best decision for you. ((hugs)) It's hard letting go of something we know meant a lot to our spouses.

[Trying]

Even the "right" decision can be emotional.  Losing the pool doesn't mean losing the memories and it sounds like there are some wonderful ones, sending you hugs as you let the pool go.

[DonnaP]

Thanks for the replies -- and for understanding. I can always count on you guys totally "getting it." I've been in such a funk the past two days. It's like I retreated back to the beginning. Losing focus at work. Just feeling "eh." Thank goodness for MrDrew in my life. Without him here, I think I would have fallen to pieces again. I don't think anybody else wants to hear me lament about things related to the loss of my spouse anymore. Family, friends... they figure I should be past all that now.

 

Do we every get "past" it?

[hachi]

Thanks for the replies -- and for understanding. I can always count on you guys totally "getting it." I've been in such a funk the past two days. It's like I retreated back to the beginning. Losing focus at work. Just feeling "eh." Thank goodness for MrDrew in my life. Without him here, I think I would have fallen to pieces again. I don't think anybody else wants to hear me lament about things related to the loss of my spouse anymore. Family, friends... they figure I should be past all that now.

 

Do we every get "past" it?

 

Hi Donna,

 

I am sitting at my desk this morning feeling much the same way, WTF?  I am a complete mess and I just want to go home and cry. I was fine and then - boom - not. I woke up this morning hungover enough for the first time in my life contemplating calling in sick because I drank the whole damn bottle of wine. Instead of working, I am surfing the internet for noontime AA meetings. I feel totally out of control.

 

Sorry to hijack your post. We filled in our pool when the house burned and while we had some great memories, we made the right decision, kids were too old to be interested in using it.

 

Shit, today, I even miss complaining about the pool with him.

[DonnaP]

Hey - no apologies needed. We are have our moments. And, it wasn't hijacked. You stayed on topic. Sort of.

 

Wondering what brings these moods on... in my case, it was the pool that triggered all the memories, but it escalated. Other times, it seems like it just comes out of the blue...

 

Donna

[Guest sunshinedaydreamz]

Donna so sorry this brings you triggers.

Do we get past it ? I think so but it never fully leaves us, there are times, especially when I try to organize say, photo albums, which plan to pass to my children, that reopens the "case", for lack of a better term. Or when I visit the grave to "clean" as if I don't it runs to crap.

I sometimes reflect that it had been so long, no one has ever come even close to filling the void. But somehow I know I tried to do all the right things. We were just dealt a totally shitty hand.

Hoping you are doing ok.

[Carey]

it's another step away from "the norm" , what was comfortable and comforting to you and your family life.  I can see why it was a trigger.  I agree ... shitty shitty hand .....

[DonnaP]

Update  -- The pool is down. The deck is gone. They evened out the yard, added topsoil and spread grass seed. Well. My yard is bigger... I do miss the pool, though. It's been SO hot the past week. Figures!