Estates and wills

[widowat33]

I finally went to see a lawyer to finalize everything..a year later, probably should've went sooner. He didn't have a will, honestly who expects to die in their 30's, we also didn't really own much until the past couple of years. Because of all the paperwork I've had to do and all the records I had to obtain in the midst of my grief I am having the lawyer draw up my will. I wouldn't want to impose the hell I've went through on any of my loved ones. I also want to make sure my boys are protected should anything happen to me.

I had to list a guardian, and executor, etc.. I listed my sister, who I know would take care of everything exactly how I would want. Then he asked me for a second person..strangely enough it never crossed my mind that I would need someone else. That was moment I realized just how much I've isolated myself and how lonely I am. I have support, family and friends, but it's just not the same as having him here, I relied on him for so much as he relied on me as well.

It was an appointment I was dreading, as this is the last thing to do on my list. I still have to go back to see him as we just got started on stuff, but I also felt relief that I was finally doing what needed to be done.

I have told anyone who will listen to please make sure they have their will drawn up. It's not the most enjoyable thing to do but it sure takes pressure off of those left behind.

[Jess]

My husband didn't have a will either and it made things a bit hard when it came to my home, etc. I tell people that I am cautionary tale and that it is never too early to make a will. Good on you for getting it done.

[Jen]

I've wondered about it... I handwrote a will in the early days after Jim died, so that if I went too (which I was desperately hoping to do), my family would know what I wanted done. It's still in my dresser drawer. I know I should get the real thing done, but I just keep putting it off. I wouldn't even know where to start with a lawyer.

[linda5]

It took me a little over a year after my husband's death before I was strong enough to see the lawyer and change our will into a trust.  Now, I feel more confident that my girls know where all my assets are, and what I want done.  I hated doing it, but once it's finished I got a great relief feeling.

 

[Virgo]

My husband and I had a will drawn up after our first daughter was born. We had it amended after our second daughter and then our third. I'm not sure if I would need to have it amended again.  I guess I should inquire.  I tell everyone that I know to consider having a will and life insurance.  Another thing I wish we would have known about was mortgage insurance. If your spouse dies the house would be paid in full. We had no idea that even existed.

 

Big ((hugs)) to you! ! I'm sure you'll feel relieved when it's all taken care of.

[widowat33]

I kept putting it off, and in some ways I'm glad I did. I don't think I could've handled everything as well earlier on, but I'm so relieved to have that initial appointment over, will be more relieved to have it all finished!

We actually had just bought our house a year before he died, and did have mortgage insurance, I think our bank automatically signed us up for it when we took our mortgage.

My sister and bil both went to get life insurance after my dh died.

I also strongly advise for life insurance as well.

My lawyer also mentioned to not specifically name my children as beneficiaries, but state any children, as he pointed out I am young and could remarry and have more children. I laughed and said that was not in the plan, but as we all know plans don't always work out the way we want them to, I certainly didn't plan on the life I have now

JustJen- the will part was pretty easy, the only info they need is who you want to oversee everything and who gets what. I just said to split it evenly amongst my children. I think you can do your own will, I've heard of will kits, but personally I like the fact that it is legally documented by going through a lawyer..I might change my mind once I get my bill!

 

[donswife]

Yes I keep putting this off but need to get it done

thanks for the reminder

 

[Portside]

While wills are a great first step and never a bad idea, keep in mind they may not provide all the protection you may be seeking.

 

Wills are just one part of the complete plan that should be in place when you die. For the uninitiated, wills have a few issues that may or may not impact you; 1) in most jurisdictions, they are public documents and anyone with the money to pay duplication fees can get a copy at the courthouse - i.e. they are not private.  2) (Again, in most jurisdictions) they can be contested by anyone. If a third party convinces the judge that he has standing and presents material information that the will is unjust (according to state law), the judge can disallow any part of the will or reject it in it's entirety. It would then be up the courts to decide how to allocate any assets and commitments of the deceased.

 

At least every 3-5 years we all should review our plan (wills, trusts, insurance policies, etc.) to ensure it still makes sense for our family.

 

I know money is always tight for most of us - but, I think this is the one place where one should scrimp and save to allow enough cash to pay for the best legal advice you can afford. You won't be sorry.

 

Best wishes - Mike

 

 

[widowat33]

Great points Mike.

They can be contested and are in no way 100% guaranteed to provide the outcome you desired. My uncles estate was definitely an example of this. He was unmarried and childless and he wishes were to leave it all to his nieces and nephews, the children of his siblings, and there were quite a few. However because of the wording in his will one sister contested it, stating the wording implied ALL living descendants of his siblings, which would include their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. So at the very end of it all we each received around $200, I would have preferred to see just the nieces and nephews (my father) receive a higher amount as my uncle wanted. Of course it caused rifts between all the siblings as well.

My lawyer also advised me that if I were to remarry or any other life changes occur, to update or revise my will.

 

[Kealoha]

Yes... Finally got this done too (thought we had more time!) and the will and trust are now in place.  But then also comes all the paperwork for setting up all the appropriate custodial bank accounts because DD is a minor. (CUTMA here in california).

 

A couple other things to consider:

Term life insurance - i am also <35 so considering multiple laddered policies.  Ie a 30-year, 20-year, and 10-year.  If somethinf happens to me within next 10years, all 3 pay out.  After 10 years you have a little more security and stop paying premiums on the 10-year, so then you have 2 left. 

Disability income insurance - ie if something happened to me and I didn't die, but was unable to maintain working at the salary I have.  We wouldn't be able to live in california anymore.  These policies protect your income, there are a lot of variations, but for me well worth the premium to protect DD and myself.

 

Bogleheads.org has good wikis to give overviews...  And I find the forums to be pretty helpful as well.

 

[Missmybecky]

This has been a good reminder and is something that has been on my mind for a while now. So, today I called an attorney and got the ball rolling on getting this done.

[canadiangirl]

Thanks for this post.  Most estate lawyers just use a template - it's very cut and dried and easy, once an executor and guardian were named.  I think it would be more complicated if one were a small business owner.  I have been bugging my parents for years to get a will and they just did last week before leaving on a trip.  I am so thankful.  DH and I drew up wills at the birth of our child, ensured all our property and accounts were joint, and it saved me immeasurable hassle.  A work colleague's dad died without a will and it was an enormous amount of paperwork and headache.  I don't know how all of you whose partners died intestate managed in the midst of grief.  I will be updating mine soon- I will never put my child through that amount of administrative pain. 

[kjs1989]

My husband dragged me to our attorney shortly after we were married ( 1989) to write our wills. I sure didn't think much of it at the time. He had his will revised several times as his estate grew and our business expanded over the years. I am so grateful he was on top of it. Twenty years ago he completely bought his brother out of the family business  very generously and then proceeded to grow it from a small fledgling company into an extremely successful enterprise. When he died his brother insisted D's intent  and their dad's intent was for the business to eventually "come back to all of us" or "come full circle," whichever phrase he cared to use on any given day. He argued repeatedly with my attorney about it. He went so far as to say I was not a  ( insert married name) so the business should be in his hands, as he is blood and I am not.  It was quite unbelievable, but he did all of this with a straight and earnest face, so I was never quite sure if he was conniving or just  really clueless. My  attorney said he was in "lala land," set him straight, and the ironclad will proceeded into probate without a hiccup. Crazy.

[BrokenHeart2]

God bless your DH for taking care of business with the will. My DH did the same to make sure the ex and one other didn't try anything. He made sure it was iron clad and I am thankful for that now. We built everything together and we always said everything will go to each other.  I love my stepkids as if they are my own and he knew that I would always take care of them should anything happen.

I try to get others to do a will but they just think like maybe many of us used to think.