Cross Post - 1 year - What did you do?

[sdarrah1130]

What did you do for 1 year?

 

I have a few months until the 1 year mark (02/26/2016) and I am thinking about a vacation that week.  I think it is a good idea to be away and not focus on the "this time last year" but I am feeling a bit guilty to be "enjoying" myself on vacation. 

 

UGH!  What to do.........

[robunknown]

Mine was last weekend. I refused to mark the date formally on the calender (I choose her birthday to be a day of remembrance) Because of that I ended up making (paying $ for) plans for THE weekend before I realized what I did. It ended up being essentially a weekend surrounded by people I didn't know all coming together to drink and have a good time outdoors (mini-vacation ). No one knew my story and I was busy the whole day doing fun stuff. I liked people not reminding me what day it was. The days leading up to the date were harder than the day. Surrounding yourself with positive people I think was key.

[Carey]

My 2 year is Nov 23 and I've planned a trip because last year was just too miserable for words.  I tried to stay home and fight through it because it was thanksgiving and "family time" ... what a joke. So this year I'm getting out of dodge and going to an Alabama football game in Tuscaloosa ... a bucket list of mine.  Everyone seems to have different opinions on this one.  Some try to get through the day with no fanfare and not drawing attention, others do things to honor their loved one they lost, others try to focus on the kids, or be an ostrich like me and stick your head in the sand lol. I don't think there's any polar right or wrong.  I was worried about spending a lot of money and then being too emotional to enjoy it, but the person I am going with I feel comfortable enough with I don't think that will happen.  I agree with Rob, it's all in who you are with at the time. 

[Jen]

I went to a bago. Best. Decision. Ever. It was such a relief to be with other wids, who understood and gave me all the love and support I needed. Where are you? I went to NYC, so it was a vacation/bago combined. I highly recommend it. (((Hugs)))

[donswife]

" the year "is coming up for me next weekend and it just so happens I am going to a bago the night before

the timing just happened so I am taken advantage of it

I decided to make a weekend out of it , It's also a place where Don and I had never really had a connection with

so a little bit of mini-vacation and needing not to be home and reliving that time

I am sure you will do what the best for you and go knowing you will feel however you feel , trying to reassure yourself that you are still standing even if you buckle at the knees at times

that is what I will be trying to tell myself anyway

[Jess]

My husband actually died on my dad's birthday so my decision for the day was to have a birthday bbq. We didn't have to state the obvious of what that day was. We all knew, but celebrating life was important to me, especially since my dad is a cancer survivor. It was a blessing to have the day be more than just the anniversary of his death.

[merrylea]

I went of vacation to St. Lucia. Best. Decision. Ever. Distraction and relaxation helped me not to focus on a day that, quite frankly, I don't want to commemorate!

[sdarrah1130]

We (my family, mom, sister, brother) are thinking about a cruise.  E hated the beach so it would be a great distraction and I will have my main support with me. 

[Virgo]

My husband died one week after his 39th birthday. I donated blood on his birthday. Then we fixed his favorite dinner and dessert. My oldest daughter wants to donate blood with me this year. He received a lot of blood products throughout his treatments. We miss and grieve for him every day. His death date is just another day.

[Mrskro]

I just came upon the 1 year anniversary as well, and I got the hell out of dodge.  The kids and I decided on a resort in Mexico and honestly had a great time.  We acknowledge the day, and decided we are still here and life does carry on. 

[Justin]

Our church organized a small memorial service in our church's memory garden. It was very nice, with a few members of our church, myself, DD, and DW's family attending.

 

Afterwards, DD and I drove to a nearby state park and spent some time just reflecting before heading home. All in all, it was a good day and I found that the lead-up was worse than the actual day.

[Captains wife]

I am 3.5+ years out but the year one sadiversary felt like a benchmark date for me in a lot of ways.

 

I wanted to have some alone time but not be completely alone so my mother came to visit for that time. So for part of the day we planted a garden in my husband's honor, had a nice lunch and talked about him (with my young son there) and then my mother kindly babysat while I took some time to myself to have some relaxation time and fun. I went for a walk, went shopping, took myself out for a bite to eat and just reflected on the prior year.

 

Once the one year was passed, I also started thinking about maybe trying to date. So I joined a dating site about 2 months after my sadiversary as I tried to start thinking about the next chapter in my life.

[lcoxwell]

The week leading up to the one year anniversary of Kenneth's death, I took time to remember his final days by posting a daily remembrance in the 6-12 months timeline. There was a transition between the old YWBB shutting down and a temporary site for a few days and then landing here, so my posts ended up in three different places. I have to admit, the transition was really hard on me and I spent much of that week frantically trying to save old posts, while knowing there wouldn't be time; and I spent much of that week crying pitifully into the wee hours of the night.

 

On the day of the anniversary, I decided to not make a big deal out of the day. I went to work, as usual, then stopped by his grave on the way home. I spent time with just the two of us, since that's how we had spent most of our time together. I talked to him. I cried. I told him how very much I loved and missed him. Then, I went home and ate a quiet dinner with my son. It wasn't grandiose, and it wasn't anything special, but it was fitting and it would have suited the man he was.

[JacklessSally]

The year is coming up quickly. I have taken the day off from work and plan on being a lazy bum and dealing with the emotions as they come. I will be alone the night before and into the day, I am not looking forward to that part. I've been pretty numb for the last several months with the exception of small outbursts of emotions. I am afraid that I will be a useless blubbering mess in bed all day.

 

 

[Jen]

I am afraid that I will be a useless blubbering mess in bed all day.

 

If that's what it takes, sweetie, then let it happen. So many hugs. This is so freaking unfair.

[Chrispy89]

I went on a yoga retreat in bali.. it was amazing. Obviously you don't need to go all the way to bali.. But the self reflection and meditation and the focus on myself is exactly what I needed at the time. I also chose his birthday as a day of celebration and remembrance rather to focus on his death.

 

Good luck.