It feels normal right now??

[sdarrah1130]

So, it has been about 7 1/2 months since E passed away.  I have noticed in the last few weeks that being alone in my house doesn't feel weird any longer.  I don't look at the clock at 7:30 PM and wonder if he will be home soon.  I don't get freaked out about noises.  I don't think about having to hurry in the shower cause he has to get in after me or if there will be hot water when I get in.  It feels semi normal to get into bed alone and the dogs are there.

 

I have been on anti-depressants for about 2 months and I am wondering if it's the meds are taking some of those feelings away or if I am just really adjusting. 

 

Anyone else have these feelings around this time or meds blocking/diminishing the feelings?  I know the meds are supposed to help with the diminished feelings but I almost feel guilty for not feeling sucky.  UGH.  I'm confused. 

[jlp]

I think what you are experiencing is typical.  I know I started feeling "better" just past the six month mark.  It was about that time I started seeing a psychologist, knowing I wouldn't have my grief counselor forever.  I distinctly remember discussing this very thing with her at about the 8-9 month mark -- feeling guilty because my grief was starting to abate.

 

Evidently this is pretty normal and all part of the healing process, although a painful, unexpected part.  I just can't help but think that if we didn't progress out of the intense early grief -- well, it would probably eventually do us in.  Just too much physical/mental/emotional stress.

 

So yes, while it's nice to feel some relief, it does come with other emotions.  Ugh.  The antidepressants may be helping, too, but I still think overall it's a natural progression.

 

 

[donswife]

I do remember around that time also having a new routine down

it seemed like it was ok being home without him , not that I didn't miss him

Pulling in the drive way and not being reminded they he won't be inside

and not falling apart about that

Like jlp said maybe if it didn't start to feel this way we wouldn't survive

Might warn you as I am a month or two ahead of you but hitting the "year"

mark has hit me pretty hard and brought back some of the old feelings back

 

 

[Mizpah]

I do remember around that time also having a new routine down

 

This exactly.  I had to move at five months, and so establishing a new routine happened around then, but I think it would have happened around that time anyway, even if to a lesser degree.  A "new normal," albeit totally abnormal, becomes your day-to-day and starts to feel a bit more comfortable and you feel a bit less raw.  I'm sure the meds probably have something to do with it too. 

 

It's different for everyone, I'm sure, but months 9-12 were really hard for me, probably because of the whole year anniversary anticipation (the anticipation was worse, as I'm sure you can guess). 

[Freelancing]

Throughout the grief, I had many lulls here and there. Those times of relief were what I looked forward to. You may want to use this precious time for whatever needs to be done or simply a time of pleasure before it lifts sending you back into the abyss to do grief work again.