Questions about your kids

[MrsDan]

Maybe this is an odd question, but for those of you with kids, how do you feel about dates asking about your kids? Like, do you think it's just them wanting to get to know you, and if you're a parent, you're kid is an important part of who you are? Or do you find it weird? Some guys don't broach it at all, but seem okay if I mention her, while others ask. I guess it doesn't seem weird if it's coming from another parent. Then again, someone who isn't a parent might not understand why a parent would be guarded when talking about their kids.

[klim]

I think it is part of your life and they are bound to be curious..... I definitley have talked about kids on dates both mine and asked questions about theirs. It may not be the theme for the night but if it comes up I'm cool with that.

 

[serpico]

I would find it extremely weird if a date DIDN'T ask about my kids, assuming they know I have them. I guess I don't see what there is to be guarded about...

[RobFTC]

I get weirded out if a woman does *not* ask about my kids.

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Trying]

I wouldn't know how to not have it come up.  Bare basics in the beginning like ages and boy or girls.  I would want to know about a potential partners family situation. Over sharing or having it be the focus of your conversations would be weird to me.

[fairlanegirl]

I would find it extremely weird if a date DIDN'T ask about my kids, assuming they know I have them. I guess I don't see what there is to be guarded about...

Same here, it would be odd if they didn't ask something at least, and if they had children themselves it would be a common talking point.

[sojourner]

For myself, it would depend. I formerly worked in an area of social services where I had extensive experience with children who'd been abused sexually by the mother's partner. It was pretty common that it would come out that the perp had targeted the woman in order to get access to her children. Let's just say I'd be  more than slightly guarded about someone asking about my kids- observing how much interest in them, do they want to spend a lot of time with them, and other, more subtle red flags. There're certainly many good guys out there, but there are enough predators that caution is in order, unfortunately.

[Momtojandj]

I expect guys to ask and take some interest in my kids , relative to how long I've dated the person. Guys that don't ask or show any interest , I wouldn't be happy with .

[Sugarbell]

No need to be guarded...my kids are a huge part of my life I can't help but talk about them. Yes I would find it odd if they didn't ask.

 

But-I do see where you are coming from...I think if I had one child and they were only 3 or 4 (can't remember your daughters age but I know she's young)... I probably would be much more guarded. When my oldest was 4...I didn't have as much to share (like older kids you can keep it more general-school, friends, interests they have developed)

 

But when they are young and you're only one. In the beginning I would probably be vague too.

 

Just trying to see both points of view. Everyone's situation is unique.

[imissdow]

All the guys I have dated have asked about my kids.  Usually on a first or second date it's just how many kids, how old are they, what grade are they in and some general what do you guys do as a family type questions.  If a guy takes to much interest in my girls I start to wonder, however I would also wonder if he wasn't interested at all.  I didn't like it at all when they were pushy about meeting them, that was a huge red flag for me.  My girls all know that I date and have even met a couple of the guys I have dated, however I have only ever had one guy spend a evening with us as a family.  We had been dating about 3 months at that point and I still wonder if I rushed that.

[MrsDan]

For myself, it would depend. I formerly worked in an area of social services where I had extensive experience with children who'd been abused sexually by the mother's partner. It was pretty common that it would come out that the perp had targeted the woman in order to get access to her children. Let's just say I'd be  more than slightly guarded about someone asking about my kids- observing how much interest in them, do they want to spend a lot of time with them, and other, more subtle red flags. There're certainly many good guys out there, but there are enough predators that caution is in order, unfortunately.

 

You basically articulated the point I was dancing around. The reality is I do feel very guarded when it comes to her, as I am the sole person responsible for her welfare. The other reality is, besides my work, I don't have a whole lot of other things to talk about. Well, except grief.