IfIonlycould Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 This happens every year, well ok not the first year, the first Christmas without I spent cleaning and organizing my brothers basement watching Leave it to Beaver episodes. It was the perfect way to pretend Christmas did no even exist. Subsequent years I have had various "levels" of decorating, once I even set a bunch of stuff up only to stare at it crying and take it all back down. There are no children to hold it together for and make sure they have all of the decor in place. And every year I find myself wanting the peaceful feeling of the warm glow from the lights but every year it becomes this thing. This is it wids. I am decorating for Christmas. I will not allow the sadness of the memories to overtake me. I will get out however little or much I want and make the house a place filled with peace and the spirit of the season. Who's with me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Last year was my first Christmas, without my Kenneth. Since I was planning on not being home for the holidays, I did not even bother decorating, at all. The two years before that were spent in the hospital, taking care of Kenneth. The house didn't get decorated those two years, either. This year, I am in a new apartment. I live alone, and there is no one to decorate for; but I think it is time I joined the rest of the world and decorated, too. Count me in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 last year I did nothing !it was my first year with out don he did all the outdoor decorating , grumbling all the way but inside loving it and doing a beautiful job My house last year looked like i felt , dark and uninviting so this year a took a deep breath and opened the outside christmas lights box ... I then preceded to do a small version of his vision the best part was he had labeled everything (this is for front of the house etc) and the lights even have the clips still on them it looks a little more inviting and not as sad kinda reflecting how I feel little by little . Plus it does make me smile pulling in the driveway and its like having a little part of him in the lights Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Well...it's my 4th Christmas as a widow, and for the first time I dragged up all the boxes of decorations that were in the basement gathering dust. They've been sitting in my living room, untouched, for about a week now. But, yeah, maybe this will be the year for me, too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beyondlife Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 So happy you are going to do it this year! I know you've missed it. Sad we didn't do Rochester this year. I miss you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twistedmensa Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 The only decorating I did last year was a 12 inch musical tree that we got less than a week before Christmas Day. I only did that so there was a place to put the few gifts I got for the kids. This year, I've dragged out all of the boxes labeled Christmas and plan on setting them up on Monday. I know the kids will be glad. Me, not so much...but the fact that I'm even motivated to set things up is a big step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 I'm not going to be home for Christmas. No decorating for me! I will be traveling for a few weeks, so I will get the benefits of the decorating of family and friends without all of the work. Nice! Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuchsia Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 I don't want to decorate or do Christmas at all. But my kids need it so somehow I will find it in me to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 I don't want to decorate or do Christmas at all. But my kids need it so somehow I will find it in me to do it. one year even before Don had died I just was not in the mood to decorate so I had friends over(kids also)one night and had the tree up and a few boxes of decorations out and they all decorated and had fun doing it I am not sure how old your kids are but maybe this is an option Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prov31cadet Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Yay for you! My husband enjoyed doing the decorating, but not me so much. Since this is my first Christmas without him, I am having a decorating party tonight with family and friends. I figured I have to make the best of it for my boys! Love to you all! We will make it through it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIonlycould Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 I'm not going to be home for Christmas. No decorating for me! I will be traveling for a few weeks, so I will get the benefits of the decorating of family and friends without all of the work. Nice! Maureen The best way to decorate! I don't want to decorate or do Christmas at all. But my kids need it so somehow I will find it in me to do it. Totally understand....from my first post on this thread you'll see my first Christmas without I "hid" in my brothers basement since we did not have kids that I needed to decorate for.....take it slow and put out just enough to make the kids feel Christmas. I like donswife's idea of having people over to motivate you. My second Christmas I was with my BF and he wanted a tree. I could not bear the thought of bringing out the ornaments yet. I didn't even have to tell him that, he seemed to know. One night he took me to the tree lot and got a little Charlie Brown like Christmas tree and then picked up some lights and a few packages of ornaments, including one "special" one for each of us....that little tree was so sweet and meaningful. Since then I have finally gone through all of the Christmas stuff and have actually given away to relatives some ornaments. This weekend I plan on going through it all again as I decide how I will decorate for Christmas going forward and I may let go of more. For me sometimes having those sentimental things around is more of a painful reminder jab than a comfort. Today I am cleaning the house and then dragging the Christmas bins out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Looks like I will not only be decorating my place this year, but I will be helping New Guy decorate his, as well. I could be wrong, but I think decorating his place will be more fun, since there will be two of us doing the decorating. We shall see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sakeraki Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I applaud everyone who is getting things done, decorating and preparing for Christmas. I am about to declare myself incompetent on this year's holidays. I feel like the biggest failure when my kids point at decorated houses and bring holiday themed stuff from daycare, but I contemplate the prospect of it and I forgive myself. I grew up without Christmas, Santa, and all that, and I was fine. I'm not saying we won't have a tree and dinner ever again. Just this year, maybe just this year... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIonlycould Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 Sake-Not incompetent, just not in that spot where one can even imagine feelings of "tiding and joy", understood....take this year off from Christmas.....if you read my first post you'll know I "hid out" in my brothers basement that first year.....be kind to yourself and don't force yourself to do something that will add to the pain. Take care, I am truly sorry you had a reason to join us, truly sorry any of us are here.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Sakeraki-oh yes definitely took a time out from Christmas and at times I will this year you can only do what is best for you emotionally and don't ever feel guilty about how you feel take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 And every year I find myself wanting the peaceful feeling of the warm glow from the lights but every year it becomes this thing. This is it wids. I am decorating for Christmas. I will not allow the sadness of the memories to overtake me. Good for you! I've decorated big every year since my late wife passed for all the holidays. The kids (and I) have always dug it as it gives us a huge sense of joy. Merry Christmas! Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I have always been all about some Christmas decorating. I even get paid to make wreaths and things for people and have done numerous trees every year. At one point in my life, I was doing my moms, my sisters, the churchs and at least 6 (full size) at my own house. mantles, swags, garlands, wreaths, you name it. Matter of fact right now I have to force myself to make some bows for a coworker today and another coworker is paying me to do her mantle. I've sold 2 wreaths this year. I did the tree here at work last week. And I put up a tree at John and Tammy's because all of their stuff got ruined. (I took one of mine down there and some of my ornaments). And none of that has been fun. It's felt like a "have to" kind of thing. At my house, I have one tree in the stand with lights on. It's the family tree. The one the kids want. And I just don't want to, but I will. There are so many keepsakes. The baby' firsts. Our anniversaries. all the happy homemade ones. And then you get to the past few .. Merry Christmas in Heaven Daddy. and it just breaks me. This was what I was. I was KNOWN for it. Sparkly glittery things just made me dance inside ... and that's gone now. Chad died the month before Christmas in 2013, and I ended up home from work for about 2 weeks. At first I thought there was no way I wanted to do any of it. I'd already put up the family tree before he died, but I had decided hell no on the rest. And then all of sudden I started and couldn't stop. Having something to do with my hands and the pretty things were comforting and I lost myself in it. If it wasn't nailed down it got decorated. Even did the outside although that was HIS thing .. the kids wanted to. Last year, I waited way late, and then halfway threw some stuff up and then it ended up out until February. I just don't know. I went to Busch Gardens this weekend for Christmas Town with friends ... They have 8 MILLION Christmas lights. And maybe that has inspired me some. I'm taking a half day off work today because it's my wedding anniversary and I'm just drained. I worked through the sadiversary and his birthday last week and I've survived (barely) Thanksgiving so I think I've done all I can do. So I'm going home this afternoon, and maybe I'll play. Who's willing to hold me accountable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Munsen Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I have every year even though December is a crappy month for me (he died & was buried just before Christmas nearly 5 years ago). In the past I used to have our whole front entry and sitting room covered in Christmas decorations and every year it seemed to creep further and further into the rest of the house. I loved it when hubby would come off the road and be thrilled at what I'd all done. And, often we'd sit in the dark watching the lights while we just talked about everything and anything. Those were good memories. Now I do the bare minimum. I only put up the tree and decorate the front door a bit. Granted, I do it because I still host Christmas dinner for me and our kids and I do believe that we celebrate Christmas for a good reason. If I didn't believe in the Christmas story and was alone without kids, I would definitely question whether to bother doing anything. For me, the Christmas story is one of hope and that is why I still put up the tree. I miss those good memories but that hope of seeing him again just helps me immensely when the holidays roll around each year. Bottom line is we all do what works for us now. We all must decide if the joy/reward outweighs the work of setting up and taking down everything. If I've learned anything these past few years, it is that I don't worry about what others (outside our little family circle) think. This is a new journey that each of us are on. And each of us must decide how we wish to walk it. Learning to respect the old memories while making new ones. Doing what helps us (and our children) heal. Not worrying about the neighbors or the extended family. Its a tough tightrope to walk most days. During the holidays its a nightmare. (((Hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TalksToAngels Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 YaY. Decorate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Awesome. For the first 2 years I didn't decorate at all (my son was a baby). Last year I started a tradition of getting a tree with my son and decorating it together (he is 4 now). And this year, for the first time, I have visitors coming to my house for Xmas (parents, and NG) so I am looking forward to getting my house nice and festive for them and my son - including tree, Xmas decorations, candles etc. I am also planning the first Xmas dinner I have done since my husband died - and enjoying planning the menu for all (have a lot of different palates coming). So - Im with you ! Trying to make it merry for all : ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIonlycould Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 CW- Sounds great! I'm with you, going to make my house feel peaceful and merry. With all that is going on in this world right now, with all of the personal tragedies in my life and right here on the board I'm seeking peace and joy. I'm decorating to take me back to the traditions of my childhood and to feel the reason for the season, the message of love. I'm reporting back that my house is all together, sparkling clean, soft Christmas lights glowing from almost every room, and the nativity under the tree. I put timers on everything and it was so nice to come home to tonight. It is certainly comforting to find joy in this again given all of the struggles I had with it the first few years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Im still struggling I can't stress enough how much Christmas decorating was a part of me. No one around me can understand what's wrong with me this year. I just finished decorating the office I work at and everyone says everything is beautiful. I decorated my friends' house with MY tree and stuff cause they didn't have anything. Still nothing at my own house. It just hurts. I hate the joy is gone from this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingMyJon Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Carey, I am with ya. I used to love the magic of Christmas, even with all the chaos that the holiday brought. It was my favorite time of the year. But this year I am just in tears. And the lights and XMas music is slowly killing me. I wish I didn't have to decorate at all, but will need to do something minimal for my kids (where is Santa going to put the gifts?). And I will need to help my parents decorate as well. But if it was up to me, I would find someplace to bury my head in the ground until the holiday season was over. The holidays without my DH is just too much to bear this year, and like you, the joy is just gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 This is really inspiring me to want to decorate as well. Living alone, I didn't see much point last year and was really just willing the holidays away. Maybe it is time to reclaim Christmas for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest running with scissors Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I'm going to try and decorate this year. Its been over 7 years since I have. He was so sick and not into it, then after he passed I couldn't do it. Maybe this weekend I will see if I can put up some lights or something. maybe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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