RobFTC Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I really don't think I will be able to live with a man under the same roof (married or not) until my kids are older...one or two leave home etc. I don't want to take care of a grown man on top of the responsibilities of 3 kids. I thought you were a better negotiator than that :-) No reason a man worth having shouldn't be able to more than keep up after himself. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairlanegirl Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 [ I really don't think I will be able to live with a man under the same roof (married or not) until my kids are older...one or two leave home etc. I don't want to take care of a grown man on top of the responsibilities of 3 kids. Yes, this is one I can't relate to at all - have always had those who look after themselves, never had that weird 'extra child' thing happening (not that I'm saying you did SB!) I don't know how people put up with that, mind you, there is a strong element of enabling and learned helplessness I suspect. And some folks do like things that way. In saying that, in a relationship almost 4 years and still living apart quite happily, I think it will be when kids are quite a bit older. I quite like the novelty of having a bloke around half the week, not that I minded having one fulltime :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 I mean yes..he (or any guy) can and do take care of themselves...NG us a better cook than me. However messiness doesn't bother him. It bothers me. He would never expect me to "take care of" him....but he lives shit everywhere. My neurotic side picks it up. That's just an example. I was spoiled in that sense with DH...he was a neat freak...likes order...did his own laundry...loved going to the grocery store (well he liked getting stoned then going)... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 All I see is added work.... While I was pregnant, I read a book called Brain Rules for Baby - about how to do all the right stuff to foster stability so that your baby's/kid's brain can have the easiest chance of developing well blah blah blah. There was a chapter in it about the parents' relationship. I don't know if it's true or what study it was based on, but it is branded in my memory: the book states that studies have shown that a man creates 7 hours of housework for "his woman" on average per week, and that a woman saves "her man," again, 7 hours on average a week of work. It seems a bit much, but who knows.... Some men are much more helpful than others, but mine doesn't even seem to notice socks placed a foot from the laundry basket instead of in it. That being said, I am incapable (at present) of, say, replacing a furnace and heating system, or installing a ventilation fan in a bathroom and I'm glad I don't "have to" mow the lawn, so I think perhaps the "big jobs" that take hours and days, or strength I do not possess, it gets balanced out. I hope. I don't know. But wow, that little tidbit really stuck with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 All I see is added work.... While I was pregnant, I read a book called Brain Rules for Baby - about how to do all the right stuff to foster stability so that your baby's/kid's brain can have the easiest chance of developing well blah blah blah. There was a chapter in it about the parents' relationship. I don't know if it's true or what study it was based on, but it is branded in my memory: the book states that studies have shown that a man creates 7 hours of housework for "his woman" on average per week, and that a woman saves "her man," again, 7 hours on average a week of work. It seems a bit much, but who knows.... Some men are much more helpful than others, but mine doesn't even seem to notice socks placed a foot from the laundry basket instead of in it. That being said, I am incapable (at present) of, say, replacing a furnace and heating system, or installing a ventilation fan in a bathroom and I'm glad I don't "have to" mow the lawn, so I think perhaps the "big jobs" that take hours and days, or strength I do not possess, it gets balanced out. I hope. I don't know. But wow, that little tidbit really stuck with me. OMG I believe it. Of course that's on average...some worse and yes some much better. I know in some cases the same could be said for women (that we create more work) And I am spoiled....I have a 13 year old who is a combination between MacGyver and Bob the Builder...he can fix and do most small jobs and mows/weedeats. Bigger jobs...I have a brother..who is strong as an ox and will do those big things for just a little cash (or me pay for 18 holes of golf). Like I said...when one or two leave home (my boys) I could see myself then living under one roof. I mean I know this is unromantic as all get out...but when you have kids and work...I just don't have the excess emotional/physical energy for it. I am great with us living separate and really it does eliminate a lot of the stress couples living together go through. You know once the roses lollipops and unicorns of being in love fades. There is real world shit. DH had faults (like being a chronic stoner) but he was neat efficient...never wanted me to touch his laundry or ever pack his clothes for a trip. I was a different type of relationship (I did the majority of the child care once we had more than one kid) but I loved doing that part....picking up/cleaning etc of a grown man...I just can't handle right now. Unless it was my Dad or immediate family member. Merging of money...don't want to do that either (and he has a hell of a lot more than me) I do love him....just don't think I could live with him...at least not during this season of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairlanegirl Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Ah, I have fairly low household standards compared to many, that might be the key :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torn Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 It's really neat to hear you all go back and forth between one another regarding relationship & or not living together. When my wife passed,her and I had lived together 20 years. Well I miss being with a woman on that daily level.... Obviously everyone has chores and all I just miss that daily bond between man and woman. But it is what it is. You ladiess make me think of the little things between man and woman, house chores...etc. I miss the constant fun and friendship of a relationship, all pretty good memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bear Tomás Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Even with Laurie, I had a man cave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soloact Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Bear, we divided the house into his, mine and common areas. I still respect his space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabzmom Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 DH was in the military when we got married. He was deployed for both Desert Shield and Desert Storm. A year after returning home, he was deployed for 20 months overseas. When he returned, he had a special 6 month assignment out of state. We made it work. He did end up getting out because I told him that I didn't want to be single. So yeah - 4 years married and 6 months in the same home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Some men are much more helpful than others, but mine doesn't even seem to notice socks placed a foot from the laundry basket instead of in it. Current Beau is a great guy, but dishes are not his thing. This would not be so bothersome except for the fact that I work more hours than he does. Scene: all dishes in the house are piled on the counter, dirty. Male response: fill another glass with water to soak silverware. Female response: wash dishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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