Article on Slate - thought it was worth sharing

[Guest sphoc]

I know how much this resonated with me - I figure it will with others here, as well.

 

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2016/05/my_phone_is_a_time_machine_to_where_my_husband_is_still_alive.html

[Kater]

Our family is so bad for taking pictures, and videos etc.  I did find a fair number of pictures after DH died but was left wishing I had something with his voice, or even better video footage of him (even his phone he just the standard greeting)  My mom suggested a while ago that she thought we had taken some home movies a while back.  Just last night I dug out my VCR from the storage room and found it - the old VHS tape with DH in it.  It is the first time I heard his voice in about 5 months.  I cried, I smiled - a lot - and laughed.  It is far from a digital version but I suppose it was the available technology of the day 16 years ago.  Who would have though an old, obsolete tape would become my most valuable possession?  Now I am scared to play it again in case the tape breaks or something.....will have to get it converted to something more up to date and get a few copies. 

[Bunny]

I recently found an old answering machine in the basement, the kind that records messages on a cassette. I sat listening to both sides, waiting for snippets of his voice. Cursing my past self for picking up the phone and interrupting him leaving me a message. I'm fortunate I have access to his voice on-line from a few interviews he'd done, but this was different. His voice was only for me, the subjects mundane every day life stuff. It was a wonderful find.

[MamaZ]

Wow.

 

These:

 

"I do not have two different lives, one where Aaron is alive and one where he is not. I have one life, and Aaron’s love and death are an indelible part of it."

 

"I have layers with Aaron and layers without him, but they’re all mixed up. They are all a part of my present moment, because they are all a part of who I am."

 

This poignantly captures my relationship with my DH, even ten years out. He is never gone, but will always be part of who I am, now. Many who want me to get over it, get all better, move on, etc... do not understand. That's ok. I underestimated how moving it is to find someone who does (in the form of an article, in this case).

 

Thank you for sharing.

[kjs1989]

Pretty awesome.

 

There are still those in my life, (certain family members of all people), who believe grief has an expiration date, and because they have moved on, so should I, his wife, partner, and best friend of 23 years, the mother of his children. I think I am doing a pretty good job of moving forward, but D will always be a part of my past, my present, and my future. I will never burden others with my grief; I will still smile and laugh  and find joy where I can, but  I am changed on the inside forever, and this is who I am now. I will never negate him in any part of my or my kids' lives because others think it is only healthy to let go and move on now.

[SoVerySad]

Thank you for sharing. It definitely resonated with me as well.