What would surprise them?

[SoVerySad]

I was thinking today about what my husband would be surprised about how I've changed since he died.

1. I swear much more than I ever did.

2. I allow the kids (teens) to swear, too.

3. I go to the MD regularly now.

4. I kill spiders on my own now.

5. I drive across the Bay Bridge myself now.

6. I'm planning to get a tattoo in his memory.

 

What would your spouse/SO be surprised about if they knew about how you've changed?

 

 

[Trying]

1. I bought a used car for my son and negotiated a good deal

2. I sold our house

3. I bought a house

4. I learned how to dock our boat

5. I went back to school

6. I'm opening my own business

7. I've let some friendships slip away (not all changes are good)

8. I have yelled and cursed at service people on the phone (mostly early on and they deserved it)

[Guest TooSoon]

Is it weird that I don't think Scott would be surprised by anything we've done, not done or are planning to do?  I honestly don't think he would be.  Hmmm, now I'm going to be trying to come up with something that might have surprised him.  And kudos to you two! You have both been such an inspiration with all of the risks you've taken and changes you've made!  xo

[Captains wife]

Love this thread - I've changed so much in the past 4 years. And love seeing everyone's lists - go us!

 

1. I have learned how to solo parent relatively effectively and certainly become more patient as a parent.

2. My social circle has completely changed - lots of new faces and let some older ones go. I have really pushed myself to become more social. He would have loved my/our suburban life in a coastal town now.

3. Lost 40lbs and now in pretty decent shape.

4. Cut my drinking WAY back and eating very healthy.

5. I am no longer a workaholic and have really learned to chill out more.

6. I have gone semi-blond.

7. I faced my fears and am learning to really sail/race.

8. I am getting along quite well with my inlaws and much more tolerant than before.

9. I have taken over many of "his" jobs around the house and have been relatively successful at it (i.e. I redid our awful downstairs bathroom).

10. I bought a new car on my own and negotiated the hell out of the dealer (he was always so good at negotiating).

11. I am much more thoughtful about other people's views and less self-centered.

12. He would have been proud of me that I stood up at his funeral in front of tons of people and said such wonderful things about him - and didn't cry (although I felt like it).

13. I am closer to my family now (my mother) thanks to him and everything that has happened. He was so family oriented.

14. I have stood up for myself a lot in the past few years - against people who have tried to bring me down.

 

[Catnip]

Dear Dave,

1. I'm now 9+ years older. Yup, I'm now turning gray, but my highlights cover it up pretty well.

2. I've remodeled a lot of our house. Yes, my favorite color is still green, so you would see it in the livingroom and now our bedroom.

3. I've completely taken over your closet, so I now have a winter closet and a summer one.

4. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore.

5. I do all my bills on-line. I'm doing the financial stuff ok, but I miss your paycheck for sure.

6. Our 3 boys have all graduated from college, and I put them thru tuition free by working at the college. So sorry you never saw any of them graduate.

7. I cook a big dinner every Sunday and invite your cousin and my brother. Yes, I even use the outside grill all by myself.

8. I traded in my flip phone and by golly I can use a smart phone now.

9. You taught our son Jeffrey well because he now is my go-to computer guy at home! So glad I don't have to do it.

 

[MrsDan]

1. That I have a boyfriend

2. That I'm in love with said boyfriend

3. That I'm estranged from almost my entire family and most of our friends

4. That I picked up and moved to an entirely different metro area

5. That I've bought and fixed up two houses

6. That I got a tattoo (in his memory)

7. The relationship I have with his family. That I moved past some things.

8. That I painted my house super bright colors

9. All the minutiae I've done by myself, from buying appliances, ripping out bushes, digging trenches, walking two dogs and a toddler regularly

[trying2breathe]

SVS  Great topic, most of yours are mine too!  To add to that -

 

 

1.  Our daughter is now driving and has her own car. 

2.  We live in Florida full-time.

3.  I'm closer with your family than ever before.

4.  Our dear dog Lucy died and we now have a big floppy rescue dog named Tequila.

5.  It's taken two years and lots of organization to finally sort through 4 storage units.

6.  Our son is minoring in music at college. 

7.  We're doing okay 

 

 

 

 

[BrokenHeart2]

1. Got my hair cut.  Shortest its been in 44 yrs and I love it!

2. Don't sweat the small stuff....yeah I know, hard to believe eh!

3. Bought a CRV I like it much more than the Accord

4. I learned how to use the riding mower and now I know why you always wanted to cut the grass.  And no, I haven't driven it into the lake yet LOL!

5. Got the tanks out of the garage, cleaned up and can actually see the floor now.

6. The 4 tight friends we had....gone. I know that's a shocker for you, I don't get it either.

7. Kathleen got her new lungs and she is thriving!!! Not about me but still a major in our lives.

8. Don't give a shit about the cob webs and dust.  I get around to it when I feel like it.  I know, shocker isn't it.

9. I'm finally starting to find my way in the terrible widow journey and I'll be ok.  :-*

 

 

 

[Needytoo]

Wow, I have changed I know I am going to miss a few things.

 

1.  I let go of anger and have accepted my life.

2.  I understand alcoholism and accept and love my husband.

3.  I am so much better at loving unconditionally.

4.  I am calm and happy.

5.  I have learned what self love and taking care of myself means and I do it everyday.

6.  I have grown out my hair and now a red head. I have totally changed my style of clothing.  People don't recognize me.

7.  I work out and really starting to like it. I even do Pole Dancing

8.  I love trying new things and now can say after 49 years of life I have hobbies.

9.  I got a full time job and doing well.

10. I got a tattoo

11.  I actually want sex.

[imissdow]

I'm a lot different yet in so many ways not different at all.

1. My hair is shorter and highlighted and I love it. Dow always told me he would get a Mohawk if I cut my hair off. Would have loved to see him try to pull that off he was almost bald on top.

2.i sold my house and now live on the west shore.

3. That I've actually dated a lot more then he would have thought.

4.that I run and lift, take dance classes and kickbox, the last being the biggest shocker.

5. That I've helped build 2 houses in Mexico.

6. That I finally figured out how to hook up, set up and back the camper by myself.

7. That I have fixed lots of plumbing stuff myself and even a few electrical issues.

 

He always thought I was stronger and more capable then I thought I was. So maybe he would be surprised at what I've done and been thru. I think he would be really proud of me.

[MamaZ]

The vacation that we just completed (NYC: Broadway, Art museums)

Many trips I've managed for us. (Actually saving $ = able to rent!)

I caved and took the fam to Disney, with another family (not related to us)

That damned boat DID strand us, very first time out!

I sold the fucking boat!

I managed to tow and set up the big camper (still have it)

We are goofier and more irreverent than he could ever imagine

I let the kids swear, watch any movies, and have fairly free reign on the net

The kids stayed in Madison county schools

Our daughter now attends SCAD, a dream school for her

Our son is off the charts in academic performance, possibly valedictorian

Pod lived to be 20!

We bumped the cat count to three, one per person

We became snake parents (to 5!)

We miss and love him every single day, even ten years out

We somehow found a way to be happy

[daysofelijah]

Hm, can't say I've thought about this before, but I think it's a good question. I enjoyed reading everyone else's responses.

 

-That I moved to a new house and am doing a great job taking care of it.

-That I'm really not into the church thing anymore, and struggle to find the desire to even take the kids

-I swear too much now

-I lost 60 lbs. and I look good.

-I have a good looking, Harley driving boyfriend who treats me great.

-I like country music now.

-I like...love being intimate with said boyfriend.

-I am completely debt free and doing an awesome job financially.

-I got rid of the stupid SUV and got the minivan I always wanted.

-We have no pets anymore.

-I got rid of most of his stuff.

-I'm much stronger and happier than I ever was.

 

[Guest nonesuch]

Our marriage was troubled. He would be surprised how much I miss him.