Euf Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Today, my husband has been dead for 10 years. This seems unbelievable to me. Ten years is such a long time and it seems that he was just here. Two years seems possible. Maybe three. But I remember five years because that was some kind of milestone to have survived that long although at five years I was still so broken. At five years, living without him just kept getting harder. It’s hard enough to lose a husband, harder yet to lose your best friend, and the icing on the cake was losing myself. Yet somewhere, someday, somehow I found a life to grab on to. Little by little it became my life and it turned out to be not so bad and now here I am with a husband that has been dead for 10 years. I still read here from time to time but rarely say anything. I don’t think there is too much I could say that would be relevant or helpful to anyone here and I don’t want to write something just to hear myself talk. . . . . Except for today. Because there is no real point to this post except the need to be somewhere that people may understand why, after ten years, I still miss him. And why although I have a not so bad life, for today I’d like to imagine what it would have been like if he was still here and I lived in a world that didn’t take so much effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marjoe Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Damn, girl, you always say what I'm thinking. I acknowledge your loss, and your love for Jim, and I'm sending over some cyber hugs for today. I hear you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Euf Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 Thanks Marsha. ((Hugs)) to you too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Hugs. I'm approaching 7 years with my first husband...and over 2 1/2 with my second. So much of what you said resonates with me, too. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Euf Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 Thanks Maureen. Sometimes the passing of time is just so surreal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Hugs, I'm approaching 7 years too and it some days it feels like just yesterday. Today I sat and read my journaling from his last days, I read from May through today's date and yep...didn't have enough tissues. Our spouses will always be missed, no matter how many years go by. Lots of cyber hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 10 years...sometimes it's hard to wrap our heads around the passage of time. Glad you came here to share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Thank you for coming back to share with us. I have missed the wisdom of those widowed before me on this new board. As I chart new territory, I cling to my 2013ers but love the rare moment when someone further out, with more wisdom and perspective pops in. As I watch my child grow into tweendom I am reminded of all the time - 6 years for me from the start of the illness to now. I manage ok and am happy a lot of the time - I have built a life and look forward to a future again - but good lord it is the trip that never seems to end. Thank you for coming back to share. Much love to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lmsmdm Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Hugs to EUF, I remember you from Ywbb. I hit the 5 year mark July 1. I don't think we will ever stop missing them. I'm glad you came back to post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Yes. Just past the five year point. In a way, your post makes me feel better-- I'd hate to think we ever stop missing them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladybug Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 It has been almost 8 years for me. It feels a lot longer, and in some ways, it feels like it was just last month. Strange how grief can catch us off guard. Thank you for posting your 10 year mark. I always like to hear from others who have been on this journey longer than me. Thank you for taking the time to post, it means a lot to all of us here. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marian53 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Euf, I think of you on a regular basis, read the poems you post occasionally, and think about you and your Jim. Thanks for stopping by .You were a life saver in early dark days. Marian xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 My Jim has only been gone 2 years... well, 2 years, 4 months, and 20 days. I can't imagine being 5 years out, much less 10... I'm glad you're still here, to give me something to fix on. Hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Thanks for posting. I passed 7 years. Time has made no sense since he died. Sometimes I feel knocked over. But I am mostly happy. I am at peace with my past and present . I have some regrets about how I handled myself a few years ago but I am letting it go .i am hopeful forvthe future. I can't really ask for more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2ManyQuestions Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 My first wife I am approaching 11 years in Oct and my second wife 15 mths. Still surreal and unanswered questions. One day at a time but 2 steps backwards from time to time. Grief is a strong emotion to deal with at times. Been blessed!!! Wishing everyone well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 Euf, adding to the chorus, thinking of you and your Jim and thanks for posting this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bumbleb Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 Almost 7 years here and thank you for your words, they make so much sense the further out I get on this journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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