Jim

[Euf]

Today, my husband has been dead for 10 years. This seems unbelievable to me.  Ten years is such a long time and it seems that he was just here. Two years seems possible. Maybe three.

 

But I remember five years because that was some kind of milestone to have survived that long although at five years I was still so broken. At five years, living without him just kept getting harder. It’s hard enough to lose a husband, harder yet to lose your best friend, and the icing on the cake was losing myself.

 

Yet somewhere, someday, somehow I found a life to grab on to. Little by little it became my life and it turned out to be not so bad and now here I am with a husband that has been dead for 10 years.

 

I still read here from time to time but rarely say anything. I don’t think there is too much I could say that would be relevant or helpful to anyone here and I don’t want to write something just to hear myself talk. . . . . Except  for today.

 

Because there is no real point to this post except the need to be somewhere that people may understand why, after ten years, I still miss him.

 

And why although I have a not so bad life, for today I’d like to imagine what it would have been like if he was still here and I lived in a world that didn’t take so much effort.

 

[marjoe]

Damn, girl, you always say what I'm thinking. I acknowledge your loss, and your love for Jim, and I'm sending over some cyber hugs for today. I hear you.

[Euf]

Thanks Marsha. ((Hugs)) to you too.

[Wheelerswife]

Hugs.  I'm approaching 7 years with my first husband...and over 2 1/2 with my second.  So much of what you said resonates with me, too.

 

Maureen

[Euf]

Thanks Maureen.  Sometimes the passing of time is just so surreal.

 

[SimiRed]

Hugs, I'm approaching 7 years too and it some days it feels like just yesterday.  Today I sat and read my journaling from his last days, I read from May through today's date and yep...didn't have enough tissues. 

 

Our spouses will always be missed, no matter how many years go by.  Lots of cyber hugs!

[Trying]

10 years...sometimes it's hard to wrap our heads around the passage of time.  Glad you came here to share.

[Guest TooSoon]

Thank you for coming back to share with us.  I have missed the wisdom of those widowed before me on this new board.  As I chart new territory, I cling to my 2013ers but love the rare moment when someone further out, with more wisdom and perspective pops in. 

 

As I watch my child grow into tweendom I am reminded of all the time - 6 years for me from the start of the illness to now.  I manage ok and am happy a lot of the time - I have built a life and look forward to a future again - but good lord it is the trip that never seems to end. 

 

Thank you for coming back to share.  Much love to you!

[Lmsmdm]

Hugs to EUF, I remember you from Ywbb. I hit the 5 year mark July 1. I don't think we will ever stop missing them. I'm glad you came back to post.

[Quixote]

Yes.  Just past the five year point.  In a way, your post makes me feel better--  I'd hate to think we ever stop missing them.

[ladybug]

It has been almost 8 years for me.  It feels a lot longer, and in some ways, it feels like it was just last month.  Strange how grief can catch us off guard.

 

Thank you for posting your 10 year mark. 

 

I always like to hear from others who have been on this journey longer than me.

 

Thank you for taking the time to post, it means a lot to all of us here.  Thanks.

[marian53]

Euf, I think of you on a regular basis, read the poems you post occasionally, and think about you and your Jim. Thanks for stopping by .You were a life saver in early dark days.

Marian xo

 

[Jen]

My Jim has only been gone 2 years... well, 2 years, 4 months, and 20 days. I can't imagine being 5 years out, much less 10... I'm glad you're still here, to give me something to fix on. Hugs to you.

[Lisa]

Thanks for posting.  I passed 7 years.  Time has made no sense since he died.  Sometimes  I  feel  knocked over. But I am mostly happy. I am at peace with my past and present . I have some regrets about how I handled myself a few years ago but I am letting it go .i am hopeful forvthe future. I can't really ask for more.

[2ManyQuestions]

My first wife I am approaching 11 years in Oct and my second wife 15 mths. Still surreal and unanswered questions. One day at a time but 2 steps backwards from time to time. Grief is a strong emotion to deal with at times.

 

Been blessed!!!

 

Wishing everyone well.

[canadiangirl]

Euf, adding to the chorus, thinking of you and your Jim and thanks for posting this.

[bumbleb]

Almost 7 years here and thank you for your words, they make so much sense the further out I get on this journey.