sdarrah1130 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 NG asked me to marry him 3 weeks ago and I said Yes!! So we have been talking wedding, wedding, wedding pretty much non stop since. Yesterday the discussion of vows came up. I think we have decided to write a portion of our vows and recite a portion. Both of us have lost our spouses and I said I do NOT want the "Until death do us part" line in our vows. He kind of gave me a weird look. I feel like when you marry the first time you can't and never do imagine "Until death do us part". As widows we know the reality of this line. Am I wrong for not wanting this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemperFidelis Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Congratulations first off ::-) Second, I can totally see the weirdness in reciting the death bit. Its a distant reality for non-widows I think, and just carries a bit more of a darkness for the widowed. I wouldn't want to recite that bit either now that I think about it. Weddings are for celebrating the life part together, not preparing for the death part.....Let that be settled outside the wedding arena. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdarrah1130 Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Side Note..... He is also a widower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tybec Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 You will figure out best for you. My brother, a widower, remarried in May. I think they said it, but I know the said they both wished to be with each other and be faithful servants to the end. Christian wedding. Sure you can find a way to say what you mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I feel like when you marry the first time you can't and never do imagine "Until death do us part". As widows we know the reality of this line. Am I wrong for not wanting this? Wrong? No, I don't think there is a 'wrong' here. But I totally wanted that line in there when I remarried. It provides a clear demarcation for when the marriage is over. My first wife died, and I didn't, and now I have moved forward to try this marriage thing again. And if I die first, this marriage will be over. But I'm a very literal person, so there's that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmg19 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Congrats and Best Wishes. Think about all the vows that bring you joy, contentment, and happiness. No wrong or right. For me, I want "Till death do us part". We have both lost spouses and are Christians. Maybe I'm being naive but for me only death will part us and we both know that can happen but see it as 40 or more years. Middle age plus and excited we will be here for a long time and even watch the future grandchildren together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemperFidelis Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Serpico, I like your take on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daysofelijah Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I like the "till death.." part. Because that's what I did the first time. That's what I will do the second time as well. I admit I have a certain amount of pride in being able to say I did that, and will do it again. But it's your vows, so do what feels right for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forgottenwife Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Congratulations!! And no, you are not wrong. This makes sense to me. Its your wedding and your vows, you should say whatever you want. Only words that you really want to say and feel are genuine. The rest of the world gets to say whatever they want when its their turn. Some people wear tennis shoes and go to the court house and some people go to the beach and some people have a formal event, everyone gets to plan their very own ceremony. Make it how you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest oneoftwo Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Congratulations I agree with ForgottenWife, say what you mean- mean what you say. My sweetie and I did not include "until death do us part" because we felt even death would not part us. It has in many ways, but not all. And it still means everything to me, how and why we chose to word the things that we said that day. But more importantly is that we discussed and agreed upon it - likewise for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suki1 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Congratulations! I agree that the words should be something that mean something to you and that you are comfortable with. Would "as long as we both shall live" be a possibility? How each person defines "live" is an individual thing – it could be just this earth life, or life that goes on beyond, depending on what one believes. Talking about what each other wants and feels might also help in giving a better understanding of where the other one is coming from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdarrah1130 Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 Many thanks to all of you!! We have set our date for July 2017 so we have some time to figure it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 That is so great -- congrat's! It's interesting to see your post as well since NG and I were talking some time ago about the experience of getting married, as in what we liked and what we didn't in our previous situations. I don't know if he will ever consider remarrying but I think about what it would be like. Heck, I'm thrilled that we've gotten to the point where he refers to me as 'girlfriend'/'the person I'm seeing' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patriciad Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 Could always do the "for as long as we both shall live". Lots of words with the same meaning. Just go with what feels good to you. Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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