kjs1989 Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 Great stuff!! NG's ex served him with divorce papers while he was on a rare golf outing with buddies nine years ago. She threw away a perfectly good, hardworking, and honorable guy who was a great dad, and immediately moved herself and their two kids in with a guy from her high school class who did prison time for drug dealing. So, she has regrets now. Early on I actually defended her a bit and tried to empathize with her situation and get NG to see things from her perspective when she would text or call about various issues. Well, that was just dumb on my part because I now understand she is a truly bitter and toxic person. She left me alone for awhile, but now I am often a target of her vitriol which is ridiculous as she only saw me in passing once at his daughter's college graduation. So yeah, such a tough situation when there is an angry, irrational ex inserting herself into your relationship. I truly feel like there are three of us sometimes in this gig. NG does not engage, but that does nothing to make her go away. Wish I had some advice for you, can only commiserate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forgottenwife Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Well, that was just dumb on my part Nope, not dumb at all. Just being a reasonable, nice person. I'm sorry for you that she is bitter and toxic and that it is affecting your life. Its really too bad people can't just be nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 Mothers Day weekend.... NG had daughter...dropped her off to her Mom Sunday morning. Mom had sent daughter a list of things or ideas of what she wanted for Mothers Day (yea seriously no shit-unbelievable).. Daughter just got her a card..Mom upset. Then started bitching (during drop off) about how she spent 10.00 on a dance tshirt for daughter and he didn't pay. He gets out of car hands her a 5 and leaves. Hour later NG gets a marathon of bitching texts about how he keeps her out too late and she always comes to her exhausted. This is because they were at my house till 12:30 one night this weekend (even though Mom has her out till 1am sometimes)-He didn't bother to respond. So then starts in on how she's the mother of his 2 kids..they were married for 20 years and he can't get her anything for Mothers Day or wish her happy Mother's Day and how she doesn't want to be enemies blah blah blah. So he responds "Ok Happy Mothers Day" Just nuts. He handles her usually just by ignoring and not responding. Oh and Mothers Day-Left her daughter alone all day once she got her and went kayaking with her friends. Daughter says she goes to try to stay with her Dad a lot more this summer. This woman is just too crazy and looks to pick arguments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 SB I feel for you, she does seem pretty nutty. Although difficult to live with, it makes it easier for your NG to know that he's made the right decision to not be with her, and to enjoy time with you. In a strange way, I wish that my NG had a wacky ex - his is perfectly sane, from what I understand an intelligent, caring, nice person, and every once in awhile NG gets together with her and his daughters to have his kids' milestone celebrations together. Makes me wonder if he might still have feelings for her, and might get back together with her. So ..... in a warped kind of way, enjoy ex's wackiness. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 I guess you have a point. Ideally it would be nice if he had a sane ex..or was remarried or in a serious relationship..Shes going to pick, play victim, and be disruptive..that's just her. Not going to engage..He told me he Loved me last night (Huge huge step-) and I do love him. Can't believe I am actually saying that. We are far far off from any type of "living together or marriage" thing. But the feelings are there and will hopefully continue to grow. She needs to move to the beach. Myrtle Beach or Daytona Beach (where she wants to move) is exactly her year round speed. Bat shit wild woman crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmg19 Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Sorry about the "nutty" ex, but it sounds like NG has a grip on the situation and is being a good father in spite of the ex's desire for drama. I can understand the frustration but less said the better as the two of you evolve into a loving respectful relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 My craziness is not on the same level as yours Sugarbell but our latest is a text from his ex of a picture of the fruit we put in his kids lunch boxes after he tried to discuss with her that donuts and potato chips as the only food offered all all day is not a great choice. They eat fruit happily at our house all of the time and pick which fruit I put in their lunch boxes. When he asked her what the point of her texting a picture of the fruit was she replied "go back to your beer, vodka and pills and have a nice weekend". To clarify, fiancé may enjoy a drink here and there but no pills and no problems with alcohol and what does that have to do with feeding the kids fruit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Trying -- for some reason, any good you do together is an affront to an ex's ability to good. As if one has any bearing on the other or it's a game of one upmanship. It sucks. You and your guy, keep doing what you are doing. Show those children what unity is all about (that was actually the topic of our message at service today ...). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted May 22, 2017 Author Share Posted May 22, 2017 Trying-She sounds nutty too..good grief...Why can't these people look at what is good for the kids instead of being fueled by jealousy?? She ought to be happy her ex is with someone who loves those little boys and wants to make them happy. Too many things to list from the weekend...but she's a nut job train wreck. I'm done walking on eggshells...I won't interact with her...but I have really tried not to throw stuff in her face and worried about not being in places with him where she would be. I'm done..It's too small of town and by walking on eggshells (like everyone else has done for years) her behavior doesn't improve-it gets worse. I will be classy...But I have a feeling I am going to make her head spin now. I'm just being me..he loves me..I love him...and if were ever in the same circles of people/events...she's going to have to suck it up. Or move to the beach. 😎-Which I predict will happen in the next 12 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Atta girl SB, stay classy and live your life. No eggshells are just messy. Time for you 2 and she just needs to get over it. As DH used to say " suck it up buttercup". Not to me of course. Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tybec Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Learning the unsaid rules. This is hard. Went to a soap box derby event NG's son was in. My son is 4 yrs. older, so I am that many steps ahead of all these things NG's kid is doing. Well, pull in and think I see his ex. walking in parking lot. Running late, get to furthest parking lot area and swing in a space. Getting chairs out of trunk, and notice van with a sticker on it that could only be hers. She walks around about then and gets something from her vehicle. I play it cool and move on. Tell NG and he tells me to move my car! Now, NG is standing behind her seats as their children are sitting with her as she has chairs. I plop my chairs down and ask where we are to sit. He is like,"I don't know what to tell you." I am kinda oblivious, and his kids are there with her, but his weekend. I finally put it together that WE need to be elsewhere. OK...... Move on, and NG is helping with the his kid, the other child is with his mother, and we are at the finish line. His child is winning and winning, and we are that bottom, so one time, he is so excited, he high fives my son, and runs and hugs me. I turn around to his mother behind us. I said, "Go hug your mom!". I stayed clear of her the rest of the time. She helped her son, and NG was at the top of race track helping out. It worked out, but OY! The piddly stuff to deal with! NG's son finally lost. I sent my child to tell him good job, good sport, etc., as we have done the same over the years. NG's ex tells my son that was very nice of him. Hoping we can forge a civil relationship, although I am taking cues here, to stay out of the way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted May 29, 2017 Author Share Posted May 29, 2017 Ok so imitation is the sincerest form of flattery right? Now it feels creepy. I took my kids and NG daughter to a state park Friday for a day of hiking while he was still working. Daughter loved it and said she's never been hiking or to state parks in the area..We had a blast. Her mother hates that kind of stuff (I know) That evening we get a puppy that was found on NG farm. My son and his daughter were so happy and excited and my son was texting daughter after she left to go to Her Moms and sending her photos of the puppy walking, etc. So next day Mom gets a pit bull puppy and keeps texting daughter pics (that's all this woman needs is a pit bull) Then Mom gets bitchey...2 days later when she gets the daughter drive her 3 hours in the rain to go to a different state park and she said she wants to take up hiking. Daughter is trying to have fun with her Mom...but is a little wigged out at this sudden spontaneous change. I am s little creeped out. Probably harmless--but it's very weird to me just because I know her and her history/tirades/instability. Any psych folks have any input??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 Yeah, Sugarbell, ex's get weird when things seem to be going well with their former other signif. So sorry you are going through this (although my BA is in psychology and my EdM is in counseling education, I say this from a step-mom point of view). My LH's ex was strange like that for most of our 16 year relationship. Early in his illness, she took him to court for child support; he had received his medical retirement and had already had two operations for a pacemaker by then. In court, she verbalized out loud that she did not believe he was all that sick, that he was faking it not to pay. Part of why he owed more than usual was because back in the day she had gone on welfare and he was charged to pay it back. During that time, their daughter did not see much of that money as mom spent it as she saw fit. The judge looked like he wanted to kick her out and did not honor her request for more money while telling her that LH was in fact not lying about his health ... Another time, she came to our house so their daughter could do her hair. Mind you, daughter lived with mom most of the time and only came to us on certain weekends (by that time it was more often when they weren't getting along). I said she could but that they would have to do it in daughter's room, not my living room, in front of my big screen tv ... it was hot up there and before she finished, mom decided to leave. She made it down off the stoop and the sky opened up in a thunderstorm. LH and I laughed until we cried. Good times : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 Leaving on first vacation with all of us this afternoon...5 days 4 nights on the Lake. His daughter is so sweet and excited. Her Mom was so upset she had to book a 4 day trip to Florida on one of her Sugar Daddies. I really hope she doesn't call her daughter and upset her..I mean I know she will be calling and texting her non stop...but hoping she doesn't go apeshit on her and get her upset. It's pretty predictable though...I'm sure it will happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 Hope you have a wonderful time, Sugarbell ... maybe while you all are doing fun stuff, you can encourage everyone to leave their mobile phones on off or leave them at the hotel ... think of it as an 'unplugged week'. Even if you or your NG have yours with you in case of emergency. That way, she can't get upset by what mom does. Just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted June 11, 2017 Author Share Posted June 11, 2017 Awesome vacation! Her mother was partying at the beach and didn't call much. But she's nuts...as we were driving home from vacation she had just gotten back into town and started with the texts/calls. This is hard in a tiny (5000 pop) town... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted June 11, 2017 Share Posted June 11, 2017 So sorry, Sugarbell. You got this though. You are doing a great job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 Bitch is crazy... (although I think her cocaine addiction over the years certainly made her normally crazy worse) She's at the beach with her relatives and kids (he has a 22 year old son too).. Parties first night with son..son fell off a wall?.?...anyway she had her daughter call NG then she got on the phone saying he broke his back. His back isn't broken..but he did need stitches over his eye. Then yesterday...she must have been posting some jealous nasty things and dogging him and what a bad parent he was. Then puts as her cover photo a pic of all of them drunk on the beach and their son "mooning" the camera. I am closed lipped about it...she's just a piece of work. I've handled running into her a public events with class (dance recitals) I spoke and went on. Keep my distance. Publicly I say nothing...she's making an ass of herself. I'm just venting on here. I've honestly never seen anything like it out of a 46 year old woman. Bat shit crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 In the car this morning on the way to drop his kids at camp 6 year old says to me "mommy said if she gets us a puppy we can't stay with Daddy during the week any more". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Going on vacation in August (we have NG's son for a week then). Decided where - we do lots of outdoors stuff - hiking, camping, canoeing, etc. NG's son's mom does none of this. But to pre-one-up NG and so NG's son would be all "been there done that," she decided that they would go exactly where we're going, two weeks before we do. She keeps texting him photos of highway signs and license plates just to show him that they're where we had planned to take the kids in two weeks. Can't make this $h!t up! It's crazy! So pathetic and insane. And what's she gonna do there, other than feel psyched that she did this to NG? Before her, I didn't believe people could be this.... Malicious, empty, spiteful, obsessed? You name it. Yikes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted July 14, 2017 Author Share Posted July 14, 2017 Going on vacation in August (we have NG's son for a week then). Decided where - we do lots of outdoors stuff - hiking, camping, canoeing, etc. NG's son's mom does none of this. But to pre-one-up NG and so NG's son would be all "been there done that," she decided that they would go exactly where we're going, two weeks before we do. She keeps texting him photos of highway signs and license plates just to show him that they're where we had planned to take the kids in two weeks. Can't make this $h!t up! It's crazy! So pathetic and insane. And what's she gonna do there, other than feel psyched that she did this to NG? Before her, I didn't believe people could be this.... Malicious, empty, spiteful, obsessed? You name it. Yikes. Yes this. Somedays I feel like it's "mean girls" high school. Trying-crazy ex..when we got a puppy...she told her daughter she was getting a puppy pit bull...Luckily her landlord told her "No". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Hugs to all going through this. I don't miss all that with LH's ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillWidowed Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I think this is why I'm not in a relationship. I just don't think I have the temperament for all the drama and games.......yet I miss companionship. <sigh> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 She's crazier than ever. I read a few of her texts she had sent NG... The latest "I'm sorry I am not dead..I know that would make life much easier for the both of you..I know your princess doesn't have to deal with an ex husband because hes dead..but we have kids together and I am going to be in your life for a long time"... This one really pissed me off...but she's nuts..and trying to get a reaction out of me..Not going to happen. I think it kills her that's she's on ignore and mute from me. Like she doesn't exist. And yea...the poor daughter is starting to act cool towards me because of crazy Mom..I knew she would...but it will all play out. This woman is a complete nutjob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Sugarbell :-\ I could not bring myself to hit 'like' for that because, ew. She is horrid. Trying to get a rise is putting it mildly. My Jersey Girl would have poured out all over her for that. How dare she compare herself to your situation. No one would mind her being around for a long time if she wasn't off her bead. Ugh. Keep the strength, friend! You are obviously a great influence on the children who are stuck in the middle of all this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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