Trying Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Congratulations!!! Now the big question, do you want the job? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn823 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Wow! That is great news, Mrs. Dan. Congratulations! S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Congrats!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexswife Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Congrats! It's strange how news that should be happy seems so hard when we're widowed. I know your emotions must be so mixed right now. I hope this job will be a great experience for you and your DD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Congratulations! Now you have choices and choices are a good thing, especially in NFP and the arts. Whatever you decide to do, that took courage! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Yay Mrs Dan!!! Congratulations to you! Big giant hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest marian1953 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Mrs.Dan, I really did not expect any different outcome. Now your choice! You will make the best one, that I know. Marian congratulations! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injo Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 MrsDan, congratulations!! You will have a lot of thinking to do, the thing is the decision will be all yours!(that is both good and difficult I guess) Wish you lots of wisdom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Yay!! I'm so happy for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lmsmdm Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Congrats!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest littlebirdie Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 That's such exciting news! I am happy for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azjane Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Congratulations! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Congratulations! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Congrats, missy! You deserve this. Enjoy your moment---you did it!!! Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Well Done, MrsDan!! May the road ahead be paved with success and contentment! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 I am speaking with them this evening, and hopefully they will actually give me a number to help make my decision. Do I want the job? A very good question, although in my case I'm wondering how relevant it actually is. The fact is, I really don't do anything because I want to. Every day I get up because I have to. I have to take care of DD. This job *may* help me do that better. I don't know. There is a certain amount of risk in it that makes me uncomfortable. But I know that the current situation is not sustainable. She needs more time with me. She needs me to not be so rushed and impatient during that time. I'm worried that if I do this, it will be a very hard transition for her. She needs her grandparents but she also needs more time with me. Which does she need more? I don't know, not really. I feel like I'm sort of taking a guess in some respects. Because I've looked at all t he facts and this seems like the right move but the reality is I don't trust my own judgment anymore. I do think the dogs will benefit more immediately, if I can make this work. I found a community very close to the job that seems to have affordable rentals (which I would probably do for a year) and homes for purchase. Basically two extra hours a day with them. They will miss my IL's. Who I told Monday, btw. I wanted to wait until I got the offer but they were going out of town this week and I wanted to tell them in person. They took it better than I thought they would, although I'm sure they went home and cried. I have to tell my mom tonight. When I talk to the new job tonight, I'm going to have to explain that I am an only parent. That I have family in the area to help and will arrange for back up care ASAP. But there may be times, for example if DD wakes up with a high fever that I have to attend to her needs straight away. They told me that it's typically a 9-5 job, but there may be times when I'm called upon to work late. I can tell them I will make those accommodations, but I need there to be some reciprocity there. I realize it could squash the whole deal, but that is the reality and I need to be upfront about it. I don't know if I'm more nervous about talking to them or telling my mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsT85 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Congrats on getting the job! I know you're wickedly intelligent, so I'm not at all surprised Good luck all the next steps. I just moved from one apartment in the city to another and it was a beast, I can only imagine what an undertaking it will be to move to a different state with a little one and two doggies in tow. But I bet getting to spend more time with your daughter will make it so very worth it, and that she will (and you, hopefully!) will benefit greatly by being around your BIL and his family. I'm so proud of you! You're one impressive lady, MrsDan! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I don't know, not really. I feel like I'm sort of taking a guess in some respects. Because I've looked at all t he facts and this seems like the right move but the reality is I don't trust my own judgment anymore. MrsDan, In the final analysis, everything we undertake is guesswork to some extent. Every major decision we make carries an inherent risk, and there are no guarantees, as we full well know. I can understand your conundrum in first and foremost having your daughter's best interest at heart. If I read you correctly, your primary objective is to strike the right balance here, which is not always easy to assess. Below are some quotes about risk taking and balance: "The biggest risk is not taking any risk..." ~~ Mark Zuckerberg There is some truth to that assertion, but it also depends on individual circumstances. And there is also a difference between blanket risk taking and calculated risk taking. I always did a cost/benefit analysis, carefully weighing the pros vs. the cons by making a detailed list of all factors involved. That helped me to get a better overview and brought me closer to making my final decision. When we lay it all out in writing - both pros and cons - sometimes, after careful review, we find that some of the things we initially considered more important begin to slightly shift when seen in totality, or "minor" items take on greater importance. It's like looking at the whole quilt instead of just a few patches. OR, it can indeed confirm your initial assessment and inclination. I believe that what you are seeking here is "Balance". Some time ago I read this quote: "To acquire balance means to achieve that happy medium between the minimum and the maximum which represents your optimum. The minimum is the least you can get by with. The maximum is the most you're capable of. The optimum is the amount or degree of anything that is most favorable toward the ends you desire." ~~ Nido Qubein You have to ask yourself what is Your 'OPTIMUM' - that which brings you closer to your desired end result?? What allows you to obtain or retain the most important and critical factors?? Nothing is ever 100% perfect, but careful consideration of ALL vital elements can bring you closer to your decision. And sometimes, even if it looks right on paper, but you still have an uneasy feeling inside about something, I always went with my intuition, which mostly guided me in the right direction. When you talk to your prospective employer again, lay out ALL of the items that are of critical importance and concern to you and see if they are willing/able to accommodate you. As the saying goes: "The devil lies in the details!" If both parties can come together in having their essential needs met, and there is some flexibility, then it should make it a lot easier for you to decide. Best of luck to you! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanGenie Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Mrs Dan, Congratulations on the job offer and good luck this evening with your negotiation with them. As ATJ stated, there's inherent risk in all major decisions, just weigh your options and think about what is best for YOU and DD. Good luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Well, I've essentially accepted the position. I'm still unsure, but it almost feels like it's gotten away from me. Like it's happening without me really doing anything to stop it. Maybe because I'm really terrified, yet I know too many factors make it a situation I can't pass upon. Like my mind is sort of trying to separate itself from any agency it has in the matter. I don't know if that makes any sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Change is scary but it sounds like you are doing this for all of the right reasons. The logical self and the emotional self don't always agree right away, it takes courage to listen to your logical side! I hope to gain some inspiration from you when my time comes to make some changes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Belatedly chiming in to wish you congratulations on the new job! If it makes you feel better, I basically "fell into" my grad degree, my career and my husband's arms. I liked Trying's explanation - maybe the feeling of a lack of agency is due to the fact that it was meant to be and your brain, of which I have heard we all use only 20%, is directing you with the other 80% because it has done a thorough cost-benefit and knows some additional stuff your conscious mind does not... Nerdy response. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I am simply going to "like" the two posts above. I hope you will give yourself a chance to celebrate this accomplishment. If there is a lack of agency in some sense, it is also your agency and determination that got you to this point. That takes big courage and tremendous fortitude. For what it is worth, as ever, you have my endless respect and support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 "Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and acting anyway." ~~ Robert Anthony MrsDan, The unknown always holds a certain element of doubt and apprehension. But the Road of Life itself is unknown and only reveals itself as it is traveled, as some philosopher once said. Today you made a decision that required courage and resolve. Another big hurdle has been jumped, even as done with trepidation in your heart. But that's what makes us grow as an individual and instills increasing confidence for the next steps ahead of us. And there will always be new steps, but our stride becomes more steady and confident along the way. Bit by bit the pieces will fall into place, even as you can't see it quite come together yet. Someone said that "Stairs are climbed one step at a time. Take the first, even if you can't see the top yet." - Well, you did it! Congratulations on seizing the moment and not letting the opportunity escape! My very best wishes to you and your daughter as you embark on this new adventure together! Standing with you in solidarity! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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