Trying Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 So, my plan has been to start looking to downsize my house in about 2 years when I will have 2 in college (tuition for 2!) and only one left at home. DH and I built this house 15 years ago, it's too much upkeep, I rely on my teen boys a lot to help, and it's too expensive for me to keep long term. I have been following the local real estate market very closely because I like to do my research. There is a neighborhood on the far side of town that is on the lake, house on the lake crazy expensive but across the street less than half the price. There is a neighborhood association with beach and docks where we could keep our boat which would save me the crazy fees I pay at a marina on a different lake 30 minutes from home. Monday a house came on the market, smaller than my house, significantly less taxes, etc. Tuesday my 2 older boys and I met the real estate agent to see the house and it's perfect! Right across the street from the beach and dock, only $400 a year in HOA fees to keep boat and use facilities. The older boys are all in, youngest hasn't seen it yet and has some concerns about moving to other side of town but I know he will come around. I may put an offer in this weekend and I am freaking out!! My house is no where near ready to put on the market but if we hammer down we can get it there. I am so excited about the idea of a fresh start, DH and I always said we would be on a lake some day, boating and water skiing is a huge part of our family life. Leaving this house that we built together and shared so much of our life together in will be very difficult but I can't afford to keep it up and it is such a stressor. So many of you have moved on your own, left behind the home you shared with your spouse, how did you handle it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I think that the hardest part might just be making the decision. Once the decision is made, it becomes a commitment and then, like other things you commit yourself to, you move forward to completion. Your head moves into a mode of thinking forward. I realize that I am unlikely to stay in my current home, although I have no idea where I will move in the future. I'm unlikely to stay in the house that we renovated together. I doubt I will stay in Kansas. You've had the idea in your head that you would probably move...you might just be surprised at the timing. Best wishes....it will be more short-term stress, but in the long run...less worry. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 The lead-up and the day of the move were HARD. Really hard. Maybe the idea of it more than the reality. But AS SOON AS I was in the new place, it was like opening a window, or turning a corner onto a street I'd never gone down before - it was refreshing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieh21 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I love this! sometimes opportunities just come to us and push us not-so-gently forward. And I love that you're doing this with the help and support of your children, how amazing that they are working with you like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I love this, too. Sometimes an outside, unexpected catalyst pushes us to make a big leap that turns out to be just what we needed! It sounds like an absolutely lovely setting, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mawidow Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Please keep us posted! Rooting for you no matter what happens. For me, packing up and selling the house was absolute hell but moving on was absolute freedom. I highly recommend it. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 This sounds amazing, Trying! I am so far from being in a position to move (but also must in the coming years as I have a "fixer-upper" that I cannot afford to fix) but you are an inspiration! Best of luck with whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 Thanks everyone! I put an offer in last night on the house and I'm waiting to hear, I expect a little back and forth with the sellers. mawidow, that exactly what I anticipate, packing and leaving this house will be hell but the idea of a new house that I can make my own and manage more easily fills me with feelings of excitement, hope, and freedom. In this house I can no longer have the life we shared or live for the dreams we had. The stress of keeping things to DHs standards is too much pressure for the boys and I. Canadiangirl I didn't plan on moving for another 2 years but this is an opportunity I would regret passing up so ready or not I am taking the leap! I have been worried about my inability to make any decisions about my future but here I am, making a major decision and it's scary but I feel so confident it's the right thing for my family. Maybe this will give me the confidence to make other big decisions about my career too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Good for you, Trying! I'm excited for you! Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIonlycould Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Trying- Keep us posted!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IronBear Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Smaller is better. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I downsized twice but we did not own our home so it is somewhat different. I have no regrets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IronBear Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 My ideal home .. No lie. 8) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 Lol, I'm claustrophobic so that might be a little too much downsizing for me, 3 kids and a dog but I can see the appeal of being able to pick up and move my home wherever and whenever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 They accepted my offer on the house, this is really actually happening. I was working on cleaning out the pool shed when the text came through from my realtor and I sat down and bawled my eyes out! I know it's the best thing for my kids and I and I'm so glad that all 3 of them agree. But damn, it is going to be so hard to leave our home behind. I hope I am ready for the emotional toll this is going to take not to mention all of the work! I've already apologized in advance to my family and friends for how crazy I will be the next 2 months and I will apologize to all of you too, you are all the most supportive people in my life and I don't know if I would have the courage to do this if so many people hadn't shared their stories about making major changes in chapter 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Trying, I wish I could give you some big hugs in person. You are incredibly strong and I am so happy for you. Yes it will be incredibly crazy but just keep thinking to the ultimate destination. Your new home! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Yay! But big hugs, too! This feels scary, but you will pull it off! Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Just seeing this, Trying. Congratulations! I will be following your move with interest and as a source of inspiration. Great news. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 The stress is really getting to me. I have never made any big adult decisions without DH, since I was 19. He was the go to guy, type A, controlling, knew how to get things done. So with house stuff, finances, legal stuff, we would discuss everything but he would be the one to get stuff to happen. Now it's just me, no one to bounce ideas off of or discuss pros and cons. All me. Alone. I have been feeling really proud of myself for taking this on and getting things done with new house I'm buying and getting our current house ready. Multiple big decisions every week or sometimes every day. Then someone questions me about something I have decided and I feel attacked, I doubt myself, start second guessing and the panic starts to rise up. Tonight it was my New Guy, he got all heated disagreeing with a decision I made and it turned I to a huge argument. Now I'm having a panic attack, can't stop my heart from racing, had to take an Ativan and want to throw up.the other day it was my sister, on one hand she tells me she is proud of me but then she questions why I'm doing this or that and it sends me in a tail spin. I have never been very confident in myself but I thought that I was making big strides. Now I feel like an idiot. The old personality flaws didn't disappear when I became a widow, they magnified. There is no "new me" just a more broken version old me. Sorry for the whine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Doing all this alone (and you have ALOT on your plate) IS stressful - whine away ! I lose it over things all the time re: major decisions, smaller decisions but its not surprising. My LH and I also talked about everything and not having your spouse in your life to bounce it off of and support you is really tough. Take a step back and realise how great you are doing in this Chapter 2 and everything you are juggling. As well as posting on here, maybe find other outlets to channel the stress (it needs to go somehwere!) like exercise, just alone time for you (if possible). People we are dating I think (at least in my case) dont fully understand what single parenting widow-dom is like and although they try and be helpful, it can just piss us off. Wishing you all the best, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 (((Trying))) Thoughts to ponder ... I have never made any big adult decisions without DH ? "It's not who you ARE that holds you back, it's who you think you're NOT!" ~~ Unknown I have been feeling really proud of myself for taking this on and getting things done with new house I'm buying and getting our current house ready. Multiple big decisions every week or sometimes every day. I have never been very confident in myself but I thought that I was making big strides. Now I feel like an idiot. "The best way to gain Self-Confidence is to do what you are afraid of." ~~ Unknown The old personality flaws didn't disappear when I became a widow, they magnified. There is no "new me" just a more broken version old me. "Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; It is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow." ~~ Alice M. Swaim Sending you Confidence, Courage and Determination! You CAN do this! Believe in Yourself!! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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