It's none of my business. please remind me

[Guest nonesuch]

So, New Beau's daughter is getting married.  There's a problem.  Her fiance's mother doesn't like her. Her beloved has moved from near her to several states away, they're both unhappy, she won't move in with him without being married owing to religious beliefs.

 

Apparently, they've decided to have a notary perform a civil ceremony, and he will have two of his friends there, and she will have her sister and brother-in-law.  She plans to have a second, more inclusive ceremony a year from now. When his mother realizes they are going to stay married, she will come around. 

 

I don't think it will play out that way, myself.  Frankly, I think if MIL is this peevish now, she will frame this as "the girl for whom one wedding wasn't enough, she had to had TWO."  And going to a re-enactment is not the same as being there when she says her vows.

 

Beau is sad.  We suspect fiance is telling her if his family isn't present, it's not fair for her to have hers there. Now me, I hardly know the young woman, I've only met her twice.  She a nice woman, not a kid, in her late twenties.  I don't care if I go,  but I'm itching to send her an email telling her to at least have her Mom and Dad there to see her take her vows. 

 

But it's none of my business, is it?

[serpico]

Nope, not your business.  It's probably best that you stay out of it.

[Guest IronBear]

Nope, not your business.  It's probably best that you stay out of it.

 

agreed

[Trying]

None of your business, just be supportive to Beau.

[Mizpah]

Now me, I hardly know the young woman, I've only met her twice.

 

If you had a relationship with her in which you talk about things, I'd say MAYBE (MAYBE!) say something, but given that you barely know her, it's not appropriate in my mind.  I wouldn't take kindly to it, especially given how difficult the situation already is for them. 

[maddalena]

i'd send that email.  8) 

Many years ago, my girlfriend and her husband split up.  After 30 years of a loveless marriage, she found the love of her life and left her husband. Her kids

were not kind. Her daughter, daddy's girl,  to this day makes her life miserable whenever she can.

Her son, who was HER child, distanced himself when the family started spreading terrible rumors about her.

I couldn't stand it and finally sent him an email where I told him, hey, this is YOUR mother, how can you possibly believe this BS? you KNOW she is not like that.

Well, he came around.

The downside is that he's never spoken to ME again, but i don't really care, she gets to have a good relationship with him, his wife, and now, his two kids, her darling grandchildren.

 

 

[Guest nonesuch]

Y'all are right of course.

 

Current Beau's finances aren't the best right now, and his schedule in the summer is screwy, at best.  So to attend he'd have to fly, and with limited funds the the short notice raising the cost, well, that ain't happening.  This occurred to me this afternoon as I turned things over in my head. 

 

I'm sad.  it's kind of irritating the way this played out, as it has a sort of "I'm getting married, and you can't come" feel to it.  It would have been kinder if she'd just eloped.

[MissinGrizz]

it has a sort of "I'm getting married, and you can't come" feel to it.  It would have been kinder if she'd just eloped.

 

Interesting. My family sort of said this to me last summer when I married my current husband. We didn't elope because we wanted our children present (and flying five to some island mid-summer seemed dumb), but I did not want my family there. First of all, my family is happy for me but would've been crying, thinking of DH, who was in their lives for 22 years. Second, I have four siblings all with kids. He has none. His younger brother died when he was a teen, so it would've been tons of my family and his mom for him. I didn't want them to feel blind-sided, so I told them. They felt I shouldn't have. Whatever!

 

Everyone has their reasons. You aren't even married to this man. It's not your business at all. She's not a kid. She's old enough to know what she wants.

[anniegirl]

It's not.

 

If it comes up in conversation, you can share your concerns with your beau but that's about it.

 

And I agree with you that this young lady is walking into something that is unlikely to get better or end well but even if you knew her well enough to give her advice, she probably wouldn't listen anyway.

 

 

[IfIonlycould]

It's not.

 

If it comes up in conversation, you can share your concerns with your beau but that's about it.

 

And I agree with you that this young lady is walking into something that is unlikely to get better or end well but even if you knew her well enough to give her advice, she probably wouldn't listen anyway.

 

 

 

All of this. 

[BrokenHeart2]

Late 20's, only met her a couple of times....nope, I wouldn't. If she asks then you can be gently honest otherwise I'd stay out of it.

Just sayin

I hope it all works out well.