Found an old Anniversary Card

[thejourney]

So I found an old Anniversary card that I had given to DW.  Even though I am in a committed relationship with Chapter two, I kept the card exactly where I found it. I have never been one to throw stuff out generally, but discarding things like this seems somehow wrong.  I don't know why I would save it, but I am hesitant to get rid of these things because of the permanency of doing so.

What have you done? 

[BrokenHeart2]

I'm not there but I get why you did this

 

[Baylee627]

Let me preface by admitting that my house is a bit of a shrine to my LH, Brooks. Nothing much has budged so much as an inch since he died 15 months ago.

 

My feeling is this: Brooks didn't leave me--he died. I loved and still madly love him, even though I'm trying to take steps forward. But what does relegating his things to some darkened corner or closet do?? It wouldn't magically change my status as a widow of 15 months. It comforts me to see our wedding pictures or his face grinning up at me framed throughout the house.

 

And, why not?

 

He gave me precious memories, and these mementos honor him. Anyone who visits my home and is disconcerted by the presence of these items can just hit the bricks, ya know? Same goes for dating. If I were out on the market, I couldn't deal with someone new coming in and encouraging me to eradicate all traces of Brooks or our marriage from my home.

 

Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. I'm moving forward, and my memories of Brooks is coming along, too.

 

Baylee

[MissinGrizz]

I am remarried, but I could not get rid of those things. I had boxes full of cards and love letters and such. After all, we were together for 21 years.

 

At first it was too difficult, and I put them in the attic. Then, after moving into my new home with DH, I decided it was time. I got a nice trunk and sorted. I read through anything that didn't seem like it would be good if my kids read: stuff about fights that no longer matter, etc. Then I put the rest in envelopes based on years and placed them in the trunk. That trunk is in my teen daughter's room. She likes to read through some of it. I have one other tote in the attic that has some special ones just for me to revisit if/when needed.

 

I don't have any shrines in our home, but I my kids both have multiple pictures in their rooms, and I have a few photos on our digital frame that is also filled with our new life. It's kind of interesting to see the mix.

[SoVerySad]

I don't think you should feel any guilt over keeping the card. It is a memento of an important time period in your life. I've not even thought about dating someone else yet, but if that day should come, I have no intention to erase all traces of my husband from my life. The kids have photos of him in their rooms and I have photos in my room. He wasn't just their father, he was someone I loved very dearly. I also have photos displayed of all the others I have loved and lost, as well as cards and things that are mementos of each of them.

 

I would hope your Chapter Two would understand that being committed to her doesn't require erasing all memories and things you cherish from your past.

[Mizpah]

There are many things I've been unable to part with.  I had to move at 5 months out, so a lot of stuff is in boxes in my father's attic.  But some things stayed with me - mostly photos, cards, letters, and journals (we wrote back and forth to each other in them).  I have one box at my boyfriend's house where I live, marked with DH's name, and next to it is one box with his late fiancee's name on it.  We have a couple photos of them in one area of the house where there are tons of photos generally, so it happens to not be a shrine-like area.  If you want to leave it out, leave it out.  If you want to keep it, but feel it would be better somewhere more private, tuck it away.  I think either way is fine, from my perspective. 

[Guest TooSoon]

We have a dresser that is understood to be the place where we put anything of Scott's we want to hold on to.  If it doesn't fit in the drawers, it goes in the closet where we put the dresser.  It is also where we keep his ashes for now.  I wouldn't call it a shrine.  I'd say it is more like his corner of the house and a place where my daughter can go when she needs to connect with him.  I don't visit it (even though it is in my bedroom) but I like knowing it is there but she does and I think it helps her.  I'm in a committed relationship too and see no inherent conflict at all.  Do what feels right for you. 

[patriciad]

I am six years out and remarried to a fellow aid.  I have kept cards(I always kept Hallmark in business and DH reciprocated).  I love to see his name at the bottom of a mushy card to me. We have a collage of photos of DH in our home as well as a collage of new DH's DW.  Our wedding photo sits between wedding photos of me and DH and new DH and his DW.  It works for us.  We have lots of kids in the house who need to see that part of their lives.  I find it comforting too.

 

Do whatever feels right to you.  Because that part of your life's over does not mean it is gone.  It will be with you forever.

 

Pat