I wish I would have known

[Jess]

I wish I would have known that this time last year we had less than a month left together. I would have seized every single moment and drank it in to savor. Sudden death sucks.

[MissingMyJon]

 

I can totally relate.  My dh died suddenly too, and if I had known he was going to die, I would have spent every second I could with him.  So many more moments we could have had together... <sigh>

 

I wish there was some advice I could give to help.  Just letting you know I am here and I hear ya.  I am sending you big HUGS.

 

[Jen]

Sudden death sucks.

 

Yes. Yes, it totally, completely, and in all other ways SUCKS ROCKS. I hate that this is my life now. I want my husband back. I want my old life.

 

Sorry, just had to get that out. (((((JESS))))))

[lcoxwell]

I will be honest, my Kenneth died a very slow, long, painful, drawn out death. For years, we thought over and over again that the end was near, and yet, he continued to beat the odds. Then, out of the blue, he made the decision he had had enough and wanted to stop all life saving medical treatment. Within a week, he was gone. Even knowing that death is coming, it still seems to find a way to sneak up on you, and there are so many things you wish you could have done differently, so many times you would have held onto and cherished more, so many moments you would have savored.....

[linda5]

Another one in the "sudden death" camp.  It certainly does suck.  The day before DH died, I told the universe how blessed I was.  A loving husband, 3 great girls, and then the very next day he dies.  I'm wondering if I got punished for saying it outloud.  I mean, did the devil hear me, so he zapped me?  Or, was I meant to realize how good I had it? 

 

I sure do miss that man.  Jess, I also would have seized every moment.  Hugs to you.

 

[donswife]

oh yes would savor every second,  just doesn't seem to get any easier

hugs

[DansSoulmate]

Yep, and I think about how many times I didn't make plans because there would always be tomorrow or it cost too much, etc.. But I am actually finding myself smiling thinking about this time last year when I was getting everything ready for us to go to the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone.  I have wonderful memories from that trip that will last a lifetime for me but it would have been great to have more.  Hope other folks can reflect on their own happy July 4th memories and it brings a smile!

[Virgo]

((hugs)) My only regret is that he's no longer with me and of course everything he will miss out on. No regrets on how we lived our lives together. The last thing I said to him was, "I love you." I lost him just four months after he was diagnosed. It wasn't sudden, but it was fast. Those four months were a blur.

[donswife]

@Virgo- I to have no regrets either with the life we had , even though don died suddenly

we had just gotten back the week before on one of our best trips

just driving around and having no plans , we stopped at a cabin in upstate new york for 2 days

we just sat on the porch and talked /laughed for hours ....funny we kept saying how much fun we have together doing absolutely nothing

so I go there in my head when I feel the lowest , kinda like maybe I did get that little extra time to savor

 

 

[Carey]

an alive face on Skype telling me to have a good day and the next day just gone forever. I have so many regrets and there are SO many things I'd have done differently.

[MrsT85]

I hear you, Jess.  He was finishing up his degree and student teaching when he died - I wish I could have savored those last few months, weeks and days I spent with him.  Instead, we were both so stressed out - me about money, he wasn't earning a paycheck while he was student teaching and him about schoolwork, teaching, everything. 

 

In retrospect it all seems to petty.  I wish I could have just held him and told him I loved him.  Instead, I said goodbye to him one morning as I was leaving work, and then never ever saw him again.

 

Yep.  Sudden death sucks.

[Jess]

I wouldn't say I have regrets exactly, it is more just wishing I could have held on to each moment better. For instance, his last day we had the day off together. We played with the puppy we adopted the day before, I played some game on my computer and vacuumed. He spent the day doodling and knocked out washing the dishes. His last meal was cocktail wieners with BBQ sauce and perogies because we were feeling lazy. Had I known, I would have said screw the cleaning and the dishes and held him all day. I would have cooked his favorite meal, chicken parmesan. I would have done everything to enjoy my last moments with him, instead of heading off to bed because I had to get up early for a trip the next morning that I obviously ended up canceling. I tried my best to let that man know how loved he was and honestly still is, but had I known, I would have pulled out all the stops and just enjoyed being us instead of assuming we had decades to do that. I don't know if that makes sense.

[donswife]

makes total sense 

[Ursula]

It sure makes so much sense. Oh and yes, I would do a great many things differently and as many just the same and I just wanted to see us grow together and our wee boy discover life, instead of having to do it on my own. It is lonely and it sucks.

I didn't know either, never crossed my mind and am an empty copy of my old self - if I would have known ?  I have no answer to that.

[mixelated]

Yep. Right there with everyone. I have all those loving things I would have said and time I would have spent with him, too, but the added pain is the fact that HE knew how little time we had. I look back on the last week, the last evening, and now I recognize all the little tender things he was doing and saying to say goodbye. I wish I had seen it for what it was. I wish I'd seen it, if only to be able to say how much I loved him again, if not to save him.

[Catnip]

My husband died suddenly from Pulmonary Embolisms, the week before Christmas. We put the tree up together as a family that Saturday afternoon, and I did grocery shopping that night for Christmas dinner. I went to bed early, and he stayed up to watch TV for a while. If only we had known what the next morning would bring.

 

Not only did he change my life forever, as well as my 3 sons, he also took away the joy of Christmas. 

[Jen]

(((Catnip))) I'm so very sorry. My dh passed very suddenly from a PE as well, 3 days after his 40th birthday. It was just an ordinary day-- I went to work, just like always. I had no idea-- well, none of us did. I wish...

 

(((((HUGS)))))