ATJ Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 "Je me souviens de toi – Je me souviens de nous …" Days, Weeks, Months, Years … Time marches on … Life turns on its axis In a steady rhythm Seasons come and they go Your absence of presence Is growing ever larger And I often wonder If it was all a dream Life’s powerful current Has been steadily flowing And pulled me along With its mighty force Across troubled waters Around many bends And far, far away From “The way we were” It has changed my view In how I see the world And steer my ship Across the ocean of life But, Today and Forever I shall remember That once we were One, And I send you my Love! À tout jamais! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrskro Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 à tout jamais that poem is beautiful Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 ATJ that is beautiful and so true! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Beautifully expressed. I'm glad to see you back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginger Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 (((((D))))) As only you can do, you found such meaningful words. Thinking of you today, as we share an anniversary date that we never wanted to have so soon in our lives. Take care of yourself, Ginger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Beautiful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 that was wonderful you write so beautifully take care of your self Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 Thank You to everyone who has so kindly responded to my post! I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness in reaching out and acknowledging my sentiments on this anniversary! As a 'veteran', who is much further out than the majority here, I've grown increasingly ambivalent about expressing my feelings - here or anywhere else. The world expects one to be totally "over it" – impervious to the lingering memories. Yes, I have created a new life for myself and in the process have emerged with an altered sense of identity. My life has in fact become "much easier" from a practical and outside perspective, after many years of extremely intense caregiving, which taxed my physical, mental and emotional capacity to the outer limits - although I would do it again without hesitation! As a childless woman, this new life has granted me total freedom to forge my own path and to boldly experiment along the way if I so choose, doing things I would never have considered before. It has made me more daring in certain aspects and defiantly non-conformant to society's expectations and doctrines. My current life, and the many turns it has taken, resembles NOTHING of its former structure. I have made some impressive strides in unexpected areas, but also have stumbled many times along the way and made mistakes. While I want to live in the present and be cognizant and grateful for my new blessings, my mind is inexorably drawn back by a magnetic force, each time the anniversaries approach. My subconscious psyche travels back in time and retrieves memories – some quite painful, others that make me wistfully sigh. "The memory presents to us not what we choose, but what it pleases." ~~ Michel De Montaigne Yes, Monsieur Montaigne, I can attest to the veracity of that statement! So, even after all these years I am still affected by anniversaries, most significantly by the one of his death. It descends upon me like a gathering storm, which I cannot outrun. BUT, I also want to give recognition to him so that he is NOT forgotten, by at least ONE! In my daily life I hardly ever invoke my husband's name or even refer to his erstwhile existence, since he is now irrelevant to the world and the people surrounding me. It often feels as if I live a dual existence – one visible, "shiny and new" - the other hidden deep inside, obscured from the world and those in my circle. We all know that our earthly sojourn is temporary and fleeting from the universal perspective, but the lives of the departed were cut off even more prematurely by Life's powerful and merciless executioner at his own whim. Those who are no longer here also had hopes and dreams, which never came to fruition, and it saddens my heart. Life is a gamble and thus inherently unfair. Therefore, I feel that it is important to "Never Forget" and remember those who have lost at "the game of life". "No day shall erase you from the memory of time." Memorial Wall inscription in the 911 museum in NYC. That sentiment is very poignant and seems quite appropriate, irrespective of the precipitating circumstances of each loss. The departed loved ones may no longer be the "sine qua non" for our daily survival, nor constantly preoccupy our mind as in the early days, but they can still hold a special place in our heart. Moving forward, yet still remembering and missing HIM, is not mutually exclusive - at least not for THIS woman! Again, I wish to express my gratitude to those who listened to my sentiments documented here, and took the time to acknowledge my outpouring with kindness and generosity of the heart! Most of the world cannot even remotely relate to my feelings at this point, and it makes for great inner loneliness and a sense of isolation. May your own path be filled with light and take you to a bright and happy future! I bid you Peace. ATJ Sundry anniversary reflections of a former caregiver and ‘SOS’ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marjoe Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Blessings to you, ATJ. The 8th anniversary (WTF!) is coming up in less than a month, and I can relate to so much of what you've said. I appreciate your thoughts - they put into words what I'm sometimes at a loss to say. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WifeLess Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 ATJ, Your beautiful posts have been a source of inspiration for countless members, both on the old YWBB and now here. And since I have long been among them, I am very grateful to you. I wish you peace as you begin another year. --- WifeLess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 ATJ, so nice to see you. Thank you for the beautiful poem and images. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 In my daily life I hardly ever invoke my husband's name or even refer to his erstwhile existence, since he is now irrelevant to the world and the people surrounding me. It often feels as if I live a dual existence – one visible, "shiny and new" - the other hidden deep inside, obscured from the world and those in my circle. I can certainly relate to this duality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 One of the greatest gifts is a listening ear and an understanding heart. @marjoe and @WifeLess – Your very kind words touched my heart. Thank you so much for that! It is especially meaningful coming from two other ‘veterans’ who have walked this rough and bumpy road for a long time as well, even as our individual experiences are unique. @canadiangirl and @Mizpah Thank you for reaching out and 'hearing me’! - It brings comfort and encouragement to know that one's feelings STILL resonate with some former travel companions and even those whose sad journey began years after mine. Wishing all of you Peace and many Blessings! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathyr Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Sending you warm hugs, (((((D))))). Your eloquent posts always speak to my heart, especially today on the eve of the 9th year of the passing of my dear husband, Robert. The heart always remembers and will forever love. Thank you for your gorgeous and touching post. May peaceful memories of your beloved surround you in the "days, weeks, months, and years" ahead. Warmly, Cathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 ((Cathy,)) As your 9th anniversary approaches and your mind travels back in time, my heart reaches out to yours and wishes you Peace and Tranquility. ATJ Your warm response to my post is deeply appreciated. Thank you so much for that! You, too, have been a fellow wanderer on this long and winding road, and it makes it less lonely knowing that those who were present in the beginning and witnessed the evolving life stories do still remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piecesofapart Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Wishing you peace and strength...as your post has done for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 @piecesofapart - Thank you for your supportive words to a total stranger! I am glad that in a small way my post has brought you some solace as well. It is rewarding to know that we can all help each other, sometimes even unbeknownst to us, by simply sharing our feelings. Sending you a basket full of Blessings and Courage for your continued journey. ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 And yet again you have moved me with your beautiful posts. I am glad you are here. Continued peace and comfort to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 @Jess – How very thoughtful and kind of you to reach out to me with such warm and uplifting words, which make me feel welcome in this community, despite my "veteran status". Thank you for that! I am so glad that You have found renewed happiness in the mysterious and wondrous "Meadow of Life". Many Blessings to You! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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