jgib

I found that too. Go slow is no go. I don't even post photos anymore. I mainly lurk and if I see a profile that has some brains behind it I may send a message with a photo. I am in my 50s now so looks are not as important as substance. By this you can understand why I have not had much interest! Lol. I guess I could say I am not sure how ready I am anyways. I am pretty sure if something clicks I would be interested....or maybe just be happy with myself now.....

You are a good person. Please be proud of yourself. I am sorry it has caused uncomfortable thoughts, remember those remind you that you are still alive and living life. Good for you, now I am proud of you.

We decided together not to have children. It was not a light decision but one that worked for us. Now that he is gone I am torn between being glad my children don't have to live thru the pain and grief that I have, and missing having part of him still here...... I am older as well, so most of the people my age are looking at becoming grandparents. I always thought I would be a better grandmother then mother but it doesn't really work that way.

Tea, coffee makes me crazy! Snow or sand?

Mine died in an accident so it was quick and unexpected. I will say that he did speak of it once and said if I was with another he would come back and haunt me! Lol

Charcoal all the way. Carrot cake....love it.....I am one of those weird people that doesn't really like chocolate.... Loon, love it but don't get to hear it much. Dog or cat?

Often resorting to over use of drugs and alcohol is a symptom of something else. To me this is a clash of values and morals. Things to be aware of in a relationship. If you are not in a rush to move in, my opinion is that it would be good to wait this out. You have your children as your responsibility, that is the most important thing I think.

I didn't own the house and had to leave but very glad I did.....the memories would have been too difficult. hike or boat ride?

Please let me know if you can see this. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154734275256939&id=6622931938

Morning all the way! Ice cream.....chocolate or vanilla?

Going to say head shot....gotta see the eyes.... Rain or sun?

I will agree, it is hard. I do not have a lot of experience to give amazing advice but I believe you should not over think it and just go have a fun day! I bet you deserve one. I have a distance man just reconnect with me. He wants more but I am keeping it as friends at the moment. We have not even met in person so really he can't know either....surely. I tend to be much too practical for most men who want to make promises, plans and sext before even meeting.....

Wish I could see all the pictures. This is something I an considering.

This commonality is something that concerns me. I connected with someone online and his life very much mirrored DH. He even is working in the cattle industry which is what we did for so many years.... It was fairly early on and we never met and I kinda just let it fade away. Just seemed too close. After a couple of months he found me on Facebook and we reconnected. We text fairly regularly but have never met. We live 2.5 hours from each other and ranching doesn't allow much time off and he has two kids. I probably am still the problem. It all seems too close and familiar and I have major reservations! I have kept it very platonic and enjoy the friendship we have build but I know he would like to try for more. It is nice to hear that others have growing lives that seem to overlap their previous ones..... I always thought I would go in a completely different direction.

Thank you very much for the link.

Urban dictionary defines Widda as: 1.a true gangster. 2.A lover of rap music. 3.A rebel without a cause. 4.A loose cannon I am not a lover of rap music but since losing DH I think the other certainly could have defined me through my journey so far.

I have never gotten a tattoo before but there a couple I am planning. Late starter at 52! One is WIDDA with the date below it. Not big, just a little one. That date defines so many of the changes I have gone through I am thinking about honouring it...... Would love your thoughts.

Thank you for sharing SunshineFL. It is nice to hear the journey of others. It truly is helpful. I actually am at the stage that I am comfortable with just me. I suffered a lot of loss before DH. Lost my dad, 6 months later my oldest sister (and best friend) and her husband, a year after that my mother and less then a year my husband. I can tell you it is not something you get better at with practice...... For the first time in a long time I am just me....not daughter, not girl friend, not wife.....just me. It has been nice to get to know me again. There is much of this I would not have been able to write about at an earlier stage in this process. I have always been a bit outside the realm of 'normal'. Not good at flirting, fiercely independent (which hubby admired), handy, an introvert and honest. I am lucky in so many ways. The men I have met with seem to want something much quicker then I am willing to do, on many levels! . Truly I have not made it past a first meeting, sometimes my choice , sometimes theirs. I have met with 6 and one I have formed an amazing friendship with, just no hubba hubba on both our parts! Lol. These experiences are what prompted me to do this post. So, I like not answering to anyone, setting my own day, not cleaning up anyone else's mess (I don't have kids), things go how I want. But I miss so much of the other part of being a couple. I certainly appreciate how open and honest others are on this forum. We are each on our own journey but it has certainly helped me to see how other ones have unfolded.

Thank you everyone. It is so nice hearing others thoughts and experiences. Thanks for the link Mizpah, I will check it out. I wonder sometimes if part of my reluctance is just not wanting to go through this again. If I am lucky enough to find another special person that I 'fit' with, will the thoughts always be lurking......if that can happen twice, so can the other......

DH and I had a great sex life....very active. I miss it so much. I think it is not just sex I miss but sex with him! This is the longest I have ever gone without. Man, 4 months in was the longest let alone 3 years! lol I have never had a one night stand, I am more comfortable having a connection with someone. I guess I have never had sex for sex sake.....I suppose I feel like I can do that for myself. ☺️ My last first time I was in my 20s....sigh....how do we start all over again at this stage in life. I am so glad I found this place to say the things nobody else can understand.

It was my 3 years on January 31st. It was the worst anniversary yet for me. I think because I am not numb anymore. I am like you, I have mostly adjusted to the forced single life. I thought the anniversaries would get easier so this one was a bit of a shock.

It was the third anniversary on January 31st. It was a bit of a rough one I have to say. I suppose because I am not numb anymore. I have become adept at being on my own. Even like lots about it......but I still miss him so much. You all know about this I am sure. It was an accident so he left for work in the morning and just never came home. We, as a couple, fit so well on all levels. Not perfect and I certainly have not put him on a pedestal, but we just fit. I am not convinced that can happen again.... I have gone for coffee a couple of times. It was pleasant but I am rusty at small talk and have never really 'dated'. Maybe I am picky or just not ready. I still feel married, I was for almost 20 years. The last man I talked to said 'three years! It has been such a long time! What is the hold up?' This got me thinking maybe there is only one for me and maybe I should just settle in and learn to be happy by myself.

I have two Italian greyhounds that have been my saviours! I got them after his passing. He never liked little dogs and they are my first venture here and I LOVE them! I will try picture....

You have put my feelings into words.....this is exactly what has been happening for me this spring. I am sorry that someone has played with your feelings. It is not a good feeling. I am very cautious about letting anyone in. I am even conservative with the people that are already 'in'. I have had enough hurt, just don't want anymore.

Some of my husbands ashes went with his family in New Zealand. The ones I have were split. I still have some in my house and find comfort in having them here. The others were spread at the place he requested. I was lucky, and unlucky enough to have lost a few family members not long before his accident. Because of those loses we had extensive conversations about what we each would like to happen with our passing. I am so glad we had had those conversations! I flew, last year, back to a cattle property in Australia that we managed for many years. His ashes and the ashes of his best working dog were scattered there with friends and family. It helped allow for closure for the people down there. We were in Canada when he had his accident. It has been 3 years and I still miss him a great deal. We were together for 20 years and thought it was going to be forever.