jgib

Just go with it. Don’t think about it going anywhere, just think about it as practise. I have a high school friend that had a crush back then contact me. He has a much younger girlfriend so I made it very clear that he is totally off limits but we keep in contact. He texts me and we are friendly and when he pushes the line I pull him up. He knows we are friends and nothing more. I am not like that. We have gone for lunch a couple of times, I have told him I need practice....... It is a nice, safe way to work back into it. Be honest and upfront and then no one gets hurt and enjoy the comfortable, social interaction.

Thank you all. I appreciate being able to express where people understand and don't just give platitudes.

This is what I struggle with as well. I still feel married so dating is odd.

Rain on a wedding day is amazing good luck! Yay for you!

So much of this sucks..... Almost 4 years now. He would have turned 50 tomorrow. I milestone I wanted to share with him. It would have been a huge party and lots of fun! It sucks he is not here....it sucks I still miss him so much.....it sucks his friends and family miss out on this too.....

All these stories are exactly why I am OVER it! Glad it has worked for some. I definitely need a break.

I hope you said it was huge and you are tight and wouldn't want it any other way......what a jerk!

Hugs....that is all.....

Present all this and ask HER. No guessing, truth and go with what she wants. Open, honest and thinking of her. If she chooses school, you can both go together when she is older and she gets a chance to show you some of the things she got to experience. If she chooses to wait, with no pressure from you, then you di it together for th first time. Win, win either way.

Well, I am done with the online bs..... It obviously is not my thing. Whether I am going about it wrong or just not ready, who knows? I am tired of it all. Maybe my expectations are too high?? Maybe I move too slow? Maybe I am too weird and just don't fit? Maybe the dating world, I have never experienced before this, is not one for me? I am done with it for the time being. Perhaps my perfect fit is gone and I just need to accept that, I know I am not willing to just be with someone to be with someone. I know how good it can be. Ok, rant over. Nice to hear it has worked for some of you.

I would have trouble in this situation as well, so I am gong to be no help! Is he manipulating you because in the past you have fronted up and paid. Why else would he mention he has to dip into his savings..... Don't let feelings of resentment slip in, they can be tough on a relationship. Just because you are more organized financially doesn't mean you should pay for everything. I believe I would just ignore his comment and let him get the groceries. He knew the weekend was coming up. Instead what he said, he just could have asked if you would mind picking up a few things as well, so it was a split for the food and drinks. I hope it gets worked out smoothly for you.

I too believe that I was meant to share my life with someone. This is just a new thought for me. I am coming up 4 years in a couple of months. I have been thinking I probably was best to just have a go on my own, but..... my brother in law flew up, from NZ, for a meeting with the lawyer. He stayed with me. It was so nice to share my space again, cooking for someone, cleaning up together. Someone to do little jobs outside with or just sit silently in company. Didn't hurt, I suppose, that he sounds like and has many of the same mannerisms of his brother. It was just comfortable and I didn't know if I could feel that with someone around again. So, as tough as it was to feel the loss of DH again, it was a bit of a revelation. I am not sure if the right man will come along but I certainly feel more ready to be open to it, or be happy on my own, as the case may be.

congratulations

My condolences WW. Thank you for sharing Fly with me. They are beautiful words you have written. I have shed a few tears.....

Fuck the insurance company...again...coming up 4 years now... Fuck the thoughts that tell me he was the only one that could love me, accept me, and appreciate me for who I am....

Finally got my memorial tatto. Glad I waited because I had many ideas but this one is perfect. His brother flew up from New Zealand, to meet with the lawyer, and we got the same tattoo at the same time....but mine has a heart in the middle. I am not usually one for samesies, but this was a special experience I am glad to share with him! Has made me miss DH....his brother has so many similar mannerisms and sounds so much like him.....was a good visit.

Flew them with me from Canada to Australia. So glad I packed them in my carry on as my other luggage was lost for 3 days and the plans for everyone to meet was the day after I landed. My funeral home provided paperwork for travel but I was never asked to show it once. I also took the ashes of his best working dog with him and they were spread together. Many people spoke and spread some. It was good closure for his friends down there. A beautiful and touching experience.

January marks four years for me. I agree with all the things you all have said! Trying, my thoughts exactly!

Well done tybec! You are right, it is still part of you and always will be. I guess now you kinda get to have that on yours terms and not everyone else's. I am sure there is emotional challenges still to come. I am proud for you and admire that you did it. I think there is a move in my future as well just not sure of any details yet.

I get it too.... Coming up 4 years. Not numb anymore and the monotony is setting in. DH and I moved around a bit because of his work, the wanderlust he passed on to me, is beginning to set in. I have a few options. Lucky and unlucky in that, sometimes more choices are more difficult. Two of the move choices would be BIG ones.......not sure I am ready for that...... I am at the stage were I can start to look forward and not just in the minute. Nice change. It sucks to feel 'stuck'!

Jen, I don't think an apology is needed. I happen to like when people express themselves without the filters that I seem to put on myself...... I admire it..... Let judges, judge, but don't let them change you. Shrug your shoulders and move on. That is what seems to work for me......

Thanks for sharing broman. Beautiful memories for you. I didn't let beautiful memories creep in for a long time, I thought they would be too painful. I now wish I would have let them come to me sooner. I hope the familiarity of your beautiful memories give you some comfort.

Just found this thread. I stopped reading as well. I am still not really back at it yet. I was an avid reader too..... Podcasts have been such a big part of things for me as well. Most of mine have been philosophical in composition. Some of it have really challenged me! I have grown so much from it! I look forward to listening to the ones you all have recommended. Thanks!

I am not in a new relationship, so I suppose what my thoughts are may not have as much weight as others that are living it at the moment may have. I am the type of person that is happy to compromise but not settle. I know clingy and needy doesn't work for me as I am very independent and would just end up hurting a person like that, and I have no desire to hurt anyone. My advice to both klim and trying2 is go back and read the things you have written. This time, do not see them as your own words, but as words a friend or daughter may have written. What advice would YOU give to someone you cared deeply about, that was in this situation? Do you see how that might change things. Good luck to you both. I know what I would do, I believe that is irrelevant. We all find our own path, it is nice to have some support along the way!

I believe this is often where we see the difference between divorced and widowed. Divorce is usually because if irreconcilable differences or infidelity. That usually means hard feelings! Widowed is often a working marriage with two people that have learned to work it out and have a deep love and commitment but death ends it. This means the fears and feelings connected with commitment are very different. Not saying all for each but just the averages.... I have spoken to many men that seemed to be damaged by the women they have been with. I guess we, as a gender, can be pretty ruthless.... I prefer to be kind and compassionate as opposed to nasty, vindictive and heartless, but that is a personal choice. I hope it is running smoother for you days, whichever route you have chosen.