Mangomom

We will now begin the re-visit phase where he will go back with the mindset that he needs to live here, not just tour here. The furthest is only 3+ hours away. That is obviously my least favorite, but has the best program for his major. We will see. I constantly am calling upon his father and the holy spirit to guide us. Any news on his letters? Keep us posted! TOTALLY RANDOM SIDE NOTE: when I click on your screen name it brings up Justin (missing Marsha the admin??) any idea why?

Chocolate is not my thing. Ice cream though... we have so many little ice cream stands here in the sticks that I would simply collapse if I couldn't have some of that! Pumpkin ice cream with heath bars On the same theme... Hand dipped or soft serve?

Continuing your imagery... From Mother Earth, to the Mother Ship, I would like to think that maybe we are taking steps on a new planet and can walk out into this brave new world that we have discovered. <3

I'm so sorry. I remember those days so well. At 2-? years out, the sudden sharp pain still hits occasionally. ((hugs tk74))

When my son opened the first acceptance letter, I completely broke down. He thought I was sad that he would be leaving. I assured him that I was so happy for him, but damn it, his dad was suppose to be here for this. He would have been ecstatic! I sobbed for 10 minutes. I felt terrible, but I couldn't help it. It's so unfair.

I know it's not what I want the rest of my life to look like. How do I start forming a picture, then making it happen? I'm serious-- I'll take any suggestions anyone has. I just know that I don't want to be the widowed mum of three who lives with her mother for the remainder of my days! I don't even want to be a nurse for the rest of my working life. I want-- something. Just have to figure out what that is... Just this afternoon I had this conversation with my therapist and I am 2-? years out. Let me know what you come up with. We can compare notes in NY... :-/

I'm looking at hotels. Trying to decide if I want to stay midtown like usual, or head down towards where the restaurant is located? What kind of sights are down that way. We have worn grooves in the midtown pavements with our trips and I WILL NOT have my kiddos to require the usual rockefeller/times square mayhem. Anyone want to chime in?

I have just joined spotify and am looking for some playlists. Anyone want to share your user name? Thanks!

DITTO. Big time. triple ditto.

What are you doing perusing those sites? I haven't been on the dating sites at all, but I would share your concern for a less than positive picture. And, seriously? Even "BRF" goes away with a smile. Live a little people!! Show your good side! (Says the girl who has never had a picture without a smile - I even flashed a big one for the relatives that wanted a picture with family at his funeral before they went back to Cananda...)

Congrats on the milestones! It is kinda anticlimactic to pass one year because all of a sudden... It's just the next year. There's no finish line, yet we look at that first anniversary with bated breath like something will change. It doesn't. So, we keep moving forward. So exciting about your car. What a treat. And kind of symbolic for you, in that it is all yours and no one else's, ordered on a day that is no one elses, for a life that is to be lived by you and no one else's. That car will smell like new for a lot of reasons. Bless you (((hugs)))

what she said!! I'm so sorry life is giving you a kick in the butt. Parenting is not for the faint at heart. ((Hugs))

That and wet dog noses are some of my favorite things... Oh, and warm woolen mittens or something like that. Hang in there. I do remember the frightening anger at DH for dying and leaving all this grief for me to work on without him. I spent many a day screaming at him when the kids were in school. It mellows. I never thought it would while I was living it, but it does. ((((((hugs))))))

@bluebird and @manutes girl - I have cut out sodas, artificial sweeteners and most processed foods. I need to take in more protein like you said, Bluebird. I think my next number to hit will be a body fat percentage loss. Not sure what is a reasonable goal though. Off to read up! @Manutes girl... an half THEN a tri? I wanna be you when I grow up!

Oh Jen... (((hugs))). It sucks. I get it. When reality sinks in and you are left with nothing but life with no direction, it is terrifying. I PROMISE you you will survive this. I was a huge reader pre-death and could barely manage a magazine for the longest time. And when one passion disappears it seems like trying to find a replacement is like trying to move a building with a spoon. I still struggle to "find my passion". That's a great saying but not an easy task. But, at 2.5 years, I don't feel as though I am drifting without an anchor. I am certainly not the person I was, but I am changed enough to realize I can't go back to who I was with him. She's gone. It was a harrowing day I realized I was trying to keep me alive as a dead person. Only then was I able to get up and decide to make this life mine and mine alone. You WILL get there. Not tomorrow, maybe not any time soon, but you WILL. I was just thinking the other day that I have noticed a change in your tone on the board. I remember when you joined and were so overwhelmed with sadness and mourning your lost life - I actually worried a bit about your personal safety at times with your hopeless sounding posts. You don't post like that as much and it made me happy for you that you are seeing things a little brighter. What you are going through right now is a tsunami wave. Ride it and the ocean will settle again. The next wave might be a hurricane or it might be a gentle tide roll. Thats the nature of grief. Just don't let go of the life preserver. You will reach land again. (OK, this got corny... you get the imagery though, I hope.) I can't wait to meet you in a month.

It stings to be excluded. We all learned that in kindergarten and expected to grow out of it at this age. I spent a long time being bitter. But I slowly realized that I was also a trigger for their grief and that I am no longer the person they think I should be. I have changed and transformed in so many ways that, now that a lot of them are finally coming around and including me, the interaction is completely different and I am bored by their sameness in light of my newness. I cherish the friendships but, kind of like high school, I've moved into the next stage of my life and they were a stepping stone to where I am today. (Btw, this all came with a lot of therapy 😉)

To run a 5k? Bluebird might have better ideas on how to train for this than me. I am training for a ? marathon 5/2. I think I need a nutrition goal.

that is not an easy feat when our true north seems to be missing. Stay strong. A few minutes of pleasure is not worth the destruction.

I have been attending Bootcamp 4-5 days a week for 7 months. We started an 8 week transformation challenge January 3rd and we had to partner with a friend. The accountability was key. We were announced as the winners at the dinner tonight! 34 lbs down between us and I personally lost about 10 inches total. But, it's over. I need another goal. Maybe another 8 week personal challenge? Suggestions?

widda 1.a true gangster. 2.A lover of rap music. 3.A rebel without a cause. 4.A loose cannon I suppose 3 and 4 are kind of true. 1 is doable but 2 is a defenitely NO! I have a 17 year old boy... if he is driving that's my only choice of music. Widda or not, NO WAY!

I went to a special award dinner for my fitness club tonight. I was in a smokin' dress and heels. It was over by 8:45 and I am home, face washed, fuzzy slippers on, all alone. I am not fond of being a widow right now.

That was a huge difference for me as well. It is easy to grow up with someone, but to try to fit with someone who has grown up apart from you, and has their own patterns and methods is extremely difficult. Being alone sucks, but it is sometimes necessary to have the most personal growth.

Trying, I think that if you have that many questions/red flags/doubts, you need to stop the relationship. I pushed aside so many red flags in my first widow relationship because I really wanted someone by my side, even though we were not compatible. I kept telling myself that it was only because this man was not my LH that I didn't feel it completely. My relationship with my two teens suffered because they were still deep into their own grief process. I'm not saying stop your life for your children, but i think as a family unit, you all need to be at peace. I would have worked harder at helping my kids accept the relationship if I knew in my heart it was right. There are so many things we doubt in the first few years of widowhood. But listen to your gut, heart and mind. If you find that, six months out, the void is still there, look him up and see where things are. But, DO NOT make you smaller to fit him. That is a huge recipe for regret.

I am so sorry, JaseBlade. People are so cruel and quick to judge. And when the media steps in it is a story and not a soul. ((hugs))

I would contact SS directly. I still receive all monies into my account FBO the kids who are 15 and 17.